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New member needs advice about daughter's pot use.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 667140" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Flori,</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the board. All of us understand your situation. We have been there too. My son is 26. He has used marijuana to excess. Has diagnoses of depression and anxiety and he has suffered from body image issues and social anxiety. He receives SSI but is now working.</p><p></p><p>To me, that your daughter is working and taking anti-depressants is huge. My son will not take medication and he would not work until recently.</p><p></p><p>This is what I have learned in less than 5 months on the board:</p><p></p><p>They have to find their solutions themselves.</p><p></p><p>Setting firm boundaries helps them (and us.) These are rules I have for myself:</p><p></p><p>Do not permit violence or abuse or robbing or disrespect by my son in my house. Do not accept threats of self-harm. Call the police.</p><p></p><p>He pays his own way. He lives independently. Non-negotiable.</p><p></p><p>No money, no buying stuff, no getting him out of scrapes or debt. (there may be an exception, but not usually.)</p><p></p><p>The less said, the better. Now when I speak to my son on the phone I say Hi, and Bye and maybe 3 or 4 other words of my choice. I do not remind him. I do not tell him what to do. I do not give him advice.</p><p></p><p>He has been homeless off and on for 2 years. Now he is not. He says marijuana is not a priority. He is living with a family. He is working 6 days a week. In his last call to me he told me he loved me very much.</p><p></p><p>Is everything perfect? No. But it is better.</p><p></p><p>I worry a lot about his health problems. I say nothing.</p><p>I worry about his mental health. I say nothing.</p><p></p><p>Our relationship is worlds better. (Because I do not talk.)</p><p>I have way more hope. I am better.</p><p></p><p>From my experience, I do not trust diagnoses, no matter how much an authority they or I think they are. Until they stop all substance use, nobody knows.</p><p></p><p>I admit, the cutting by your daughter is concerning. Still, she is young. A lot can happen. Good things too. I worry that my son will not survive to get better. I am still keeping my mouth shut.</p><p></p><p>This was key for me. I realized I did not have faith and hope that things could get better. Now, I know they can. I have hope now for my son and myself.</p><p></p><p>I know I raised him well. I have confidence in both of us, now. That we will work this through.</p><p></p><p>This is a huge change for me. I have faith in us.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting. I am glad you are here. You will learn a lot.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 667140, member: 18958"] Hi Flori, Welcome to the board. All of us understand your situation. We have been there too. My son is 26. He has used marijuana to excess. Has diagnoses of depression and anxiety and he has suffered from body image issues and social anxiety. He receives SSI but is now working. To me, that your daughter is working and taking anti-depressants is huge. My son will not take medication and he would not work until recently. This is what I have learned in less than 5 months on the board: They have to find their solutions themselves. Setting firm boundaries helps them (and us.) These are rules I have for myself: Do not permit violence or abuse or robbing or disrespect by my son in my house. Do not accept threats of self-harm. Call the police. He pays his own way. He lives independently. Non-negotiable. No money, no buying stuff, no getting him out of scrapes or debt. (there may be an exception, but not usually.) The less said, the better. Now when I speak to my son on the phone I say Hi, and Bye and maybe 3 or 4 other words of my choice. I do not remind him. I do not tell him what to do. I do not give him advice. He has been homeless off and on for 2 years. Now he is not. He says marijuana is not a priority. He is living with a family. He is working 6 days a week. In his last call to me he told me he loved me very much. Is everything perfect? No. But it is better. I worry a lot about his health problems. I say nothing. I worry about his mental health. I say nothing. Our relationship is worlds better. (Because I do not talk.) I have way more hope. I am better. From my experience, I do not trust diagnoses, no matter how much an authority they or I think they are. Until they stop all substance use, nobody knows. I admit, the cutting by your daughter is concerning. Still, she is young. A lot can happen. Good things too. I worry that my son will not survive to get better. I am still keeping my mouth shut. This was key for me. I realized I did not have faith and hope that things could get better. Now, I know they can. I have hope now for my son and myself. I know I raised him well. I have confidence in both of us, now. That we will work this through. This is a huge change for me. I have faith in us. Keep posting. I am glad you are here. You will learn a lot. COPA [/QUOTE]
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