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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 683708" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. This post probably should be moved to the PArent Emeritus forum for adult kids.</p><p></p><p>This is my opinion. My daughter used drugs, and we spent a a lot less on her thaN you already have on your son. We coildnt have afforded it. We made her leave and she quit using even cigarettes and is a successful partner, mother and anti drug lady twelve years later. She did go to a two year college after she got.clean and we didnt pay. She took out a loan..so from my perspective, I think part of the reason oir wayward kids stay that way is because we are always throwing guilt money at them, even once they are out.</p><p></p><p>I consider it fortunate that this guilt money was not even an option for us. She knew it and realized there was no money in the bank for rescue, a motel, anything. She had two young siblings and our concern was raising them after she had made the police a frequent visitor in theirrhome. Enough.</p><p></p><p>And she quit and it was pretty fast. This was a kid who started at least smoking pot by age 12. Today, she is wonderful. I personally dont believe its good to buy cars, and everything else for our kids. Gives them a sense of entitlement until we finally stop. And most of us do finally stop. Kids who.may be.mentally ill.have to admit it and go.to clinics for treatment. We legally cant do it.</p><p></p><p>Thats the back story of my kid and where im coming from. I think you have gone over the top helping him make a good life for himself and he is thumbing his nose at your courageous effort to help him. I would suggest, and remember we all have our own opinions, cutting out the money, hotels, rescues now or he will not have the desire it takes (and its not easy) to quit using drugs and join society.</p><p></p><p>Your son can and in my opinion should apply for benefits. With that comes a free phone. If you do get him.one, id get a basic phone for calls and texting. If he needs the internet there is a library. Also there are food pantries and homeless shelters.</p><p></p><p>Your son could be in his warm bed tonight or learning to be something outstanding as a hard working college student. Instead, he shunned his education and wouldnt get a job and used drugs and was so intolerable you showed him.the door. He knew he was behaving badly and chose to.keep.doing it.</p><p></p><p>Well, just got iff work and waiting for a ride so I gave you a novel. Sorry. And im sorry you have to be here.</p><p></p><p>Remember that everyone has her own ideas on things. Take from.everyone what you like and leave the rest. And remember that you are an important person so treat yourself gently if your son gets abusive, you can end the discussion pronto. I hang up the first second one of my two ex difficult kids forget to be respectful and it rarely happens. You get treated the way you demand to be, but it can take time to train kids who are used to blaming their horrible decisions on us. I wish you a good day.</p><p></p><p>Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 683708, member: 1550"] Hi there. This post probably should be moved to the PArent Emeritus forum for adult kids. This is my opinion. My daughter used drugs, and we spent a a lot less on her thaN you already have on your son. We coildnt have afforded it. We made her leave and she quit using even cigarettes and is a successful partner, mother and anti drug lady twelve years later. She did go to a two year college after she got.clean and we didnt pay. She took out a loan..so from my perspective, I think part of the reason oir wayward kids stay that way is because we are always throwing guilt money at them, even once they are out. I consider it fortunate that this guilt money was not even an option for us. She knew it and realized there was no money in the bank for rescue, a motel, anything. She had two young siblings and our concern was raising them after she had made the police a frequent visitor in theirrhome. Enough. And she quit and it was pretty fast. This was a kid who started at least smoking pot by age 12. Today, she is wonderful. I personally dont believe its good to buy cars, and everything else for our kids. Gives them a sense of entitlement until we finally stop. And most of us do finally stop. Kids who.may be.mentally ill.have to admit it and go.to clinics for treatment. We legally cant do it. Thats the back story of my kid and where im coming from. I think you have gone over the top helping him make a good life for himself and he is thumbing his nose at your courageous effort to help him. I would suggest, and remember we all have our own opinions, cutting out the money, hotels, rescues now or he will not have the desire it takes (and its not easy) to quit using drugs and join society. Your son can and in my opinion should apply for benefits. With that comes a free phone. If you do get him.one, id get a basic phone for calls and texting. If he needs the internet there is a library. Also there are food pantries and homeless shelters. Your son could be in his warm bed tonight or learning to be something outstanding as a hard working college student. Instead, he shunned his education and wouldnt get a job and used drugs and was so intolerable you showed him.the door. He knew he was behaving badly and chose to.keep.doing it. Well, just got iff work and waiting for a ride so I gave you a novel. Sorry. And im sorry you have to be here. Remember that everyone has her own ideas on things. Take from.everyone what you like and leave the rest. And remember that you are an important person so treat yourself gently if your son gets abusive, you can end the discussion pronto. I hang up the first second one of my two ex difficult kids forget to be respectful and it rarely happens. You get treated the way you demand to be, but it can take time to train kids who are used to blaming their horrible decisions on us. I wish you a good day. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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