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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 647969" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>(((((hugs))))) and Welcome!</p><p></p><p>You are correct, the substance is not as important as learning the self care and working the program. There is also a LOT of overlap in the use of alcohol and other drugs. Relatives can get help from either alanon or narcanon or both. I think there are a lot more alanon meetings offered than narcanon meetings, and they are in a wider range of neighborhoods.There is also a religion based program called Celebrate Recovery that is a 12 step program, but I don't know if they offer family programs.</p><p></p><p>NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Health is also a great source of support. They have meetings, support groups, classes, and so much more. You should also strongly consider going to your local domestic violence support center for help. The abusive behavior of your son is NOT going to stop if he thinks he can get his way. It is very dangerous even if the abuser is your adult child. The time where you are cutting contact way down or off and cutting support down/off is the most dangerous time. You are now looking for ways to get out of the cycle of dysfunction and your son likes to control you. He is not going to just give up that control without a fight. The DV group will provide free therapy to help you cope with your son and with the sexual abuse that you just learned about. It will help in a LOT of ways, and will teach you how to stay safe. These things are generally FREE and confidential. </p><p></p><p>You should look into getting the Aspire app on your phone. Robin McGraw, Dr. Phil's wife, helped create it as part of her Aspire Initiative. The app looks like any other news app but really it contacts designated people (you choose who it calls - a friend, family member, 911, etc...) without you having to dial or even speak to them. It also records everything that goes on around you (on audio I think, maybe video also - I cannot remember) from the time you push the button for the app. This can be invaluable. You can find the app in all the app stores and it is free, so there isn't any excuse not to have it just in case!</p><p></p><p>If/when your instincts say something, the way they told you it was better to not engage with your son's email demands, listen to them. In my life, my biggest mistakes happened when I didn't listen to my instincts. Those instincts are there for a reason, and ignoring the can be very detrimental, in my opinion. The more you listen to them and pay attention to them, the more they help at least that is my experience.</p><p></p><p>I will stop here as I tend to write novels rather than posts, lol! I leave with one last thought:</p><p></p><p>Don't feel that you have to take our advice/suggestions/input. We know it won't all fit your needs. Take what will work for you and leave the rest, and don't stress over not taking one person's advice.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 647969, member: 1233"] (((((hugs))))) and Welcome! You are correct, the substance is not as important as learning the self care and working the program. There is also a LOT of overlap in the use of alcohol and other drugs. Relatives can get help from either alanon or narcanon or both. I think there are a lot more alanon meetings offered than narcanon meetings, and they are in a wider range of neighborhoods.There is also a religion based program called Celebrate Recovery that is a 12 step program, but I don't know if they offer family programs. NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Health is also a great source of support. They have meetings, support groups, classes, and so much more. You should also strongly consider going to your local domestic violence support center for help. The abusive behavior of your son is NOT going to stop if he thinks he can get his way. It is very dangerous even if the abuser is your adult child. The time where you are cutting contact way down or off and cutting support down/off is the most dangerous time. You are now looking for ways to get out of the cycle of dysfunction and your son likes to control you. He is not going to just give up that control without a fight. The DV group will provide free therapy to help you cope with your son and with the sexual abuse that you just learned about. It will help in a LOT of ways, and will teach you how to stay safe. These things are generally FREE and confidential. You should look into getting the Aspire app on your phone. Robin McGraw, Dr. Phil's wife, helped create it as part of her Aspire Initiative. The app looks like any other news app but really it contacts designated people (you choose who it calls - a friend, family member, 911, etc...) without you having to dial or even speak to them. It also records everything that goes on around you (on audio I think, maybe video also - I cannot remember) from the time you push the button for the app. This can be invaluable. You can find the app in all the app stores and it is free, so there isn't any excuse not to have it just in case! If/when your instincts say something, the way they told you it was better to not engage with your son's email demands, listen to them. In my life, my biggest mistakes happened when I didn't listen to my instincts. Those instincts are there for a reason, and ignoring the can be very detrimental, in my opinion. The more you listen to them and pay attention to them, the more they help at least that is my experience. I will stop here as I tend to write novels rather than posts, lol! I leave with one last thought: Don't feel that you have to take our advice/suggestions/input. We know it won't all fit your needs. Take what will work for you and leave the rest, and don't stress over not taking one person's advice. [/QUOTE]
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