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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 710302" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I want to tell you: welcome.</p><p></p><p>I want to tell you that I felt the same way when I brought my son home who I adopted at 22 months. I felt a prisoner. It has a nightmare. Until I realized that feeling this way is normal. And then I forgave myself, and the panic went away. I would guess more stay at home mothers are depressed than not, they just do not tell anybody.</p><p></p><p>I think getting your story out on the page is a very, very healthy thing.</p><p></p><p>You will get support but most of all you put the truth and the feelings on the page and you can now support yourself by looking at the reality of things, which little by little you can change.</p><p></p><p>You have had trauma after trauma. Loss after loss. Nobody could be in any better shape that has gone through what you have.</p><p></p><p>I have a fear of driving under some circumstances, too. I was a perfectly confident driver and then, I turned into a wreck. Oh well. There are many, many people who never have driven. This you will deal with when and if you choose.</p><p></p><p>To me, you have to find a way to get some respite. And a way through the depression. I agree about the anti-depressant. If you are unable to work due to mental illness or other health problem or disability you can apply for SSI or SDI through social security. But this will take some time.</p><p></p><p>I think pigless' idea of pet sitting is fantastic. What about dog walking? That would get you out of the house and some time alone.</p><p></p><p>As far as the in laws, I may be wrong, but I do not think they need to know your personal business. I do not think you need more problems or hassle or to risk possible rejection. </p><p></p><p>I think that it is horrible even entertaining the idea that your child's grandparent may have run over his hand with a chair, was it?</p><p></p><p>I think everybody wants to have some control over their lives, to feel that problems will resolve and when we feel we do not, we become desperate and seek escape to the point of self-harm. I think, first, you need to forgive yourself for feeling despair and to recognize that it is really not you--it is the cumulative effect of the situation. I believe that. That anybody goes off the deep end if the stress and losses are more than they can handle. I know I do.</p><p></p><p>This is what I believe: I believe that we always have ourselves to fall back on--if we learn to be there for ourselves. I have found great peace and strength through turning to g-d. I have turned to spirituality. And I was never before a believer.</p><p></p><p>If you are open to this, or feel there is the potential for such, I would urge you to begin reading about spirituality and allowing it into your life and yourself. I believe that many people come to spirituality at crisis points in their lives when their existing tools to cope or understand do not serve.</p><p></p><p>This may be one direction you could go. It is available 24 hours and you need go nowhere. Actually in a few minutes a couple of people are coming to our house. My SO has been talking with missionaries for the last few months who are coming to meet with him every night this week. He does this not to convert or to join but to feel peace in himself and to bring g-d into his life.</p><p></p><p>I have an altogether different religion than he does, or they do--but it all works the same. We are not alone. Our lives matter. There are great truths that are there for the knowing. That are far greater than any personal pain or distress that we feel in the moment.</p><p></p><p>I was an atheist for almost all of my life. I changed. Because my life taught me I was not enough to handle this alone. There is no shame in being not enough. Join the club! You are human.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, I am glad you posted. I hope you stay with us. Take care. You will find your way through this. I have not a doubt in the world. And by this journey you will discover and you will define who you are. You are already well on your way. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 710302, member: 18958"] I want to tell you: welcome. I want to tell you that I felt the same way when I brought my son home who I adopted at 22 months. I felt a prisoner. It has a nightmare. Until I realized that feeling this way is normal. And then I forgave myself, and the panic went away. I would guess more stay at home mothers are depressed than not, they just do not tell anybody. I think getting your story out on the page is a very, very healthy thing. You will get support but most of all you put the truth and the feelings on the page and you can now support yourself by looking at the reality of things, which little by little you can change. You have had trauma after trauma. Loss after loss. Nobody could be in any better shape that has gone through what you have. I have a fear of driving under some circumstances, too. I was a perfectly confident driver and then, I turned into a wreck. Oh well. There are many, many people who never have driven. This you will deal with when and if you choose. To me, you have to find a way to get some respite. And a way through the depression. I agree about the anti-depressant. If you are unable to work due to mental illness or other health problem or disability you can apply for SSI or SDI through social security. But this will take some time. I think pigless' idea of pet sitting is fantastic. What about dog walking? That would get you out of the house and some time alone. As far as the in laws, I may be wrong, but I do not think they need to know your personal business. I do not think you need more problems or hassle or to risk possible rejection. I think that it is horrible even entertaining the idea that your child's grandparent may have run over his hand with a chair, was it? I think everybody wants to have some control over their lives, to feel that problems will resolve and when we feel we do not, we become desperate and seek escape to the point of self-harm. I think, first, you need to forgive yourself for feeling despair and to recognize that it is really not you--it is the cumulative effect of the situation. I believe that. That anybody goes off the deep end if the stress and losses are more than they can handle. I know I do. This is what I believe: I believe that we always have ourselves to fall back on--if we learn to be there for ourselves. I have found great peace and strength through turning to g-d. I have turned to spirituality. And I was never before a believer. If you are open to this, or feel there is the potential for such, I would urge you to begin reading about spirituality and allowing it into your life and yourself. I believe that many people come to spirituality at crisis points in their lives when their existing tools to cope or understand do not serve. This may be one direction you could go. It is available 24 hours and you need go nowhere. Actually in a few minutes a couple of people are coming to our house. My SO has been talking with missionaries for the last few months who are coming to meet with him every night this week. He does this not to convert or to join but to feel peace in himself and to bring g-d into his life. I have an altogether different religion than he does, or they do--but it all works the same. We are not alone. Our lives matter. There are great truths that are there for the knowing. That are far greater than any personal pain or distress that we feel in the moment. I was an atheist for almost all of my life. I changed. Because my life taught me I was not enough to handle this alone. There is no shame in being not enough. Join the club! You are human. Anyway, I am glad you posted. I hope you stay with us. Take care. You will find your way through this. I have not a doubt in the world. And by this journey you will discover and you will define who you are. You are already well on your way. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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