New Member Saying Hi

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by AmyW, Aug 18, 2008.

  1. AmyW

    AmyW O.D.D Mom

    Hello all! I'm glad to have found this forum. I anticipate a lot of support and understanding. I hate that we've all been through so much but I'm thankful to be here.

    I'm the mother of a 4-year old boy who has been recently diagnosed with ODD and possibly ADHD (no diagnosis yet on that). He's been in therapy for about 7 months and we have home visits with a case worker every week (kind of like supernanny). I've been round and round with my son and I am frustrated and depressed. He's a great kid, he really is. He's funny, charming, smart, creative and sensitive.

    During his worst meltdowns, he will kick, slap, bite, pull my hair, scream like a velociraptor, throw things, headbutt me, yadda yadda. He also has a severe problem with whining, refusing to mind, arguing, and trying his best to get on my nerves on purpose, just to see my reaction.

    His father divorced me and it was final this past July 15. That's a whole other sad story; he wanted the divorce, I didn't. My son has been acting out since he left last September and doesn't see him very much at all.

    I look forward to talking to all of you. :D
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there.
    Hey, did your son act out before the divorce?
    Any delays in his development, especially speech? Does he like to cuddle, make eye contact, can he relate in any way to his peers? Can he transition?
    Any psychiatric problems on either side of the family tree?
    ADHD/ODD is the most common 1st diagnosis, but is often not the last. Something else may be going on too.
    You may want to do a signature like I did below. That will help us help you more.
    Is the therapy helping?
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Hi Amy and welcome. You've found a safe place. I'm sorry about your divorce, it sounds like a very painful situation all around. We aren't health care professionals here so we can't diagnose, but we can share our experiences. Have you gotten hold of a copy of The Explosive Child by Ross Greene (it's a quick read)? Many of us have found that the techniques outlined in it have helped us to prevent many meltdowns and get back to the job of parenting our very difficult kids. MWM has asked some excellent questions, I'd also like to know how he gets along with other kids at preschool, daycare, etc. Your answers may help us to point you in the right direction. :)
  4. AmyW

    AmyW O.D.D Mom

    Thanks for the kind welcome. I really appreciate it. :D

    He did act out before the divorce, but it was typical misbehavior for his age, not the aggressive outbursts he has now. I've thought long and hard about it and it did become worse after his father left. My mother in law and I took him to visit his great grandparents recently, and his great grandfather told me all kinds of stories about my ex-husband. It seems that he behaved the same way when he was young; he annoyed them purposely, was rude and obnoxious and extremely defiant. On my side of the family, depression and anxiety are the norm, so he's got it bad from both sides. :(

    He has no delays in development at all; on the contrary, he's ahead of himself, according to his therapist and doctor. He's very friendly with his peers, generous with his toys, his speech is great, he loves to cuddle, but does have trouble with eye contact, mainly when he's in trouble with me. That's probably normal. He transitions well as long as I give him ample warning before we switch activities.

    Therapy seems to be helping somewhat. He enjoys talking to the therapist, is honest with him and remembers what the man says to him.

    I wish his father would be more active in his life. Oh well. I know that I can't control him, only my actions, reactions to my son's behavior, etc. I'm really grateful for this forum, more than I can express!
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Hello Amy and Welcome to the Board. :D

    Glad to hear the therapy is helping. (that's huge in itself!) Sounds like you've got the ball rolling in the right direction. :)

    You might want to pick up a copy of the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. Many many parents here have found it very helpful.