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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 58529" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Welcome, Mrs Smith (I feel like I'm talking to a teacher!)</p><p></p><p>Oh, boy, do I ever understand! I have a house full of these. And now with BF2 living here, it's another one. You've already noticed how kids like ours find more like them and bring them home?</p><p></p><p>BF2 is a total NUT about these sort of games - to such a huge extent that he actually WORKS for a business which organises gaming for kids. They also sell model kits, game kits, pots of paint to decorate models, etc. He's just come home from a gaming convention (difficult child 1 was there, too, but he's not coming home tonight - staying with girlfriend tonight).</p><p></p><p>BF2 gets on really well with difficult child 1 especially on the gaming front. He has a diagnosis of ADHD but I also wonder about AS with him. Because he has a family history of similar problems, including depression and some physical disabilities, he actually met difficult child 1 and easy child 2/difficult child 2 at Young Carers Camp (where easy child 2/difficult child 2 is off to at the moment). Then they met up again at animé convention.</p><p></p><p>So as you can see, we've given up trying to control it too much. There are rules - the kids have to buy their own stuff. This includes games, models, DVDs etc. We're never stuck for Christmas or birthday presents - a gift certificate does the trick. The kids have to store this stuff in their own space. This includes their DVDs. Sometimes we watch or play with them, but it's more so we know what they are immersing themselves in.</p><p></p><p>easy child 2/difficult child 2, difficult child 1 and BF2 are adults. Legally. And yet they don't behave like it. We've accepted that their maturity is going to take longer. Where husband & I were married when we were 22, these kids are just nowhere near ready for independence.</p><p></p><p>And I haven't even got to difficult child 3!</p><p></p><p>Basically, our kids will find those who like the same things and think the same way. I would scrutinise M's friend - he sounds Aspie, at least, if he can talk to M about his obsession for so long. But finding friends on the spectrum is a good thing, I think. It really boost their self-esteem because they can really see it's not just them.</p><p></p><p>My advice always, in any issue when dealing with a kid on the spectrum - begin by meeting the kid where he/she is. Then progress from there. You mightn't be keen to immerse yourself in Dragonball Z but you could at least support him, by helping him organise his collection (maybe shelves?) and if you see information about it (say, in a TV news story) bring it to his attention. Go to a convention with him. Help him meet his favourite celebrities (such as the animators, for example). And if you find something similar (such as our kids finding animé) then share it with him to broaden his world.</p><p></p><p>My kids aren't home at the moment (apart from BF2 who isn't very communicative/experienced about how to support someone with AS) so I can't ask them for some similar things your son might like.</p><p></p><p>It sounds to me like he's making progress, if he's getting bored. It means he is wanting more in life than Dragonball Z. He could do with another outlet/interest.</p><p></p><p>What is he like at art? Can he copy some of his favourite illustrations? He could be in demand in local areas with fan clubs, for poster design for example. Or making a pinata in Dragonball Z form.</p><p></p><p>How is he going at school? Can you try and channel his interesat into academic areas? Maybe interest him in cartooning in general? Design a storyboard to describe something for school? And the shelves - he could make them (with help) and fulfil a carpentry requirement.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 just suggested Sonic (the Hedgehog) as a possible alternative - "difficult child 1 & BF2 are both adults and they're into Sonic as well," he told me. Sonic includes games, movies and DVDs. If he likes slapstick humour, he might like to try Love Hina - it may not sound promising, but it's very funny. (This is from difficult child 3 - you might like to vet it first). Also, Ranma 1/2. </p><p>A word of caution over the animé options - they are Japanese in origin. They were designed for Japanese teens/adults. Japanese culture and morality are very different (and seem very strange to us). References to nudity are no big issue for them, because of their culture. They are highly moral in other ways, however. </p><p>I would also recommend - Evangelion. It's a serious animé, a very high standard of story and animation. We watched it with our kids. The story is Japan, in the future - children of special talent are the only hope to save the human race from alien invaders. And of course, as in a great deal of animé, the protagonists of the story are children who don't fit in for various reasons, which is why, I think, our Aspies et al LOVE this stuff.</p><p></p><p>By diversifying, you are also encouraging greater diversity in other areas. He will learn to try new things, just to see. He can also meet other people at conventions, expand his interest further.</p><p></p><p>But something else to consider from here - where is he going, life-wise? What potential career path do you think he will follow? Where do his talents lie? And in what way can you connect his interests with his potential?</p><p></p><p>BF2 has found a connection and is using it. For difficult child 3, I've suggested he look at computer programming. easy child 2/difficult child 2's exBF (who was also an animé fan) has gone into computer-based animation and game design. He's working towards job placement in Japan, which will be interesting.</p><p></p><p>Other possibilities including trying to invent, in reality, the various sci-fi toys shown in these stories. So many possibilities... and sometimes, all you can do is support a hobby while they build a career path in a different direction.</p><p></p><p>Something to encourage your son to do now - write reviews of games, DVDs etc and try to submit them to fan magazines. If he can get a job as a regular reviewer in a special-interest area, it could open a few other doors.</p><p></p><p>There will be people who will say you are mad to allow it, let alone encourage it. But as you already know, what choice do we have? When these kids obsess about something, you can't stand between. Better to be an ally now, than flattened by a steamroller. As an ally, you may have some influence. As a ribbon of flesh on the road, you have been walked over and considered unimportant.</p><p></p><p>Stick around. We can support each other (and cry on each other's shoulders, across the oceans!)</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 58529, member: 1991"] Welcome, Mrs Smith (I feel like I'm talking to a teacher!) Oh, boy, do I ever understand! I have a house full of these. And now with BF2 living here, it's another one. You've already noticed how kids like ours find more like them and bring them home? BF2 is a total NUT about these sort of games - to such a huge extent that he actually WORKS for a business which organises gaming for kids. They also sell model kits, game kits, pots of paint to decorate models, etc. He's just come home from a gaming convention (difficult child 1 was there, too, but he's not coming home tonight - staying with girlfriend tonight). BF2 gets on really well with difficult child 1 especially on the gaming front. He has a diagnosis of ADHD but I also wonder about AS with him. Because he has a family history of similar problems, including depression and some physical disabilities, he actually met difficult child 1 and easy child 2/difficult child 2 at Young Carers Camp (where easy child 2/difficult child 2 is off to at the moment). Then they met up again at animé convention. So as you can see, we've given up trying to control it too much. There are rules - the kids have to buy their own stuff. This includes games, models, DVDs etc. We're never stuck for Christmas or birthday presents - a gift certificate does the trick. The kids have to store this stuff in their own space. This includes their DVDs. Sometimes we watch or play with them, but it's more so we know what they are immersing themselves in. easy child 2/difficult child 2, difficult child 1 and BF2 are adults. Legally. And yet they don't behave like it. We've accepted that their maturity is going to take longer. Where husband & I were married when we were 22, these kids are just nowhere near ready for independence. And I haven't even got to difficult child 3! Basically, our kids will find those who like the same things and think the same way. I would scrutinise M's friend - he sounds Aspie, at least, if he can talk to M about his obsession for so long. But finding friends on the spectrum is a good thing, I think. It really boost their self-esteem because they can really see it's not just them. My advice always, in any issue when dealing with a kid on the spectrum - begin by meeting the kid where he/she is. Then progress from there. You mightn't be keen to immerse yourself in Dragonball Z but you could at least support him, by helping him organise his collection (maybe shelves?) and if you see information about it (say, in a TV news story) bring it to his attention. Go to a convention with him. Help him meet his favourite celebrities (such as the animators, for example). And if you find something similar (such as our kids finding animé) then share it with him to broaden his world. My kids aren't home at the moment (apart from BF2 who isn't very communicative/experienced about how to support someone with AS) so I can't ask them for some similar things your son might like. It sounds to me like he's making progress, if he's getting bored. It means he is wanting more in life than Dragonball Z. He could do with another outlet/interest. What is he like at art? Can he copy some of his favourite illustrations? He could be in demand in local areas with fan clubs, for poster design for example. Or making a pinata in Dragonball Z form. How is he going at school? Can you try and channel his interesat into academic areas? Maybe interest him in cartooning in general? Design a storyboard to describe something for school? And the shelves - he could make them (with help) and fulfil a carpentry requirement. difficult child 3 just suggested Sonic (the Hedgehog) as a possible alternative - "difficult child 1 & BF2 are both adults and they're into Sonic as well," he told me. Sonic includes games, movies and DVDs. If he likes slapstick humour, he might like to try Love Hina - it may not sound promising, but it's very funny. (This is from difficult child 3 - you might like to vet it first). Also, Ranma 1/2. A word of caution over the animé options - they are Japanese in origin. They were designed for Japanese teens/adults. Japanese culture and morality are very different (and seem very strange to us). References to nudity are no big issue for them, because of their culture. They are highly moral in other ways, however. I would also recommend - Evangelion. It's a serious animé, a very high standard of story and animation. We watched it with our kids. The story is Japan, in the future - children of special talent are the only hope to save the human race from alien invaders. And of course, as in a great deal of animé, the protagonists of the story are children who don't fit in for various reasons, which is why, I think, our Aspies et al LOVE this stuff. By diversifying, you are also encouraging greater diversity in other areas. He will learn to try new things, just to see. He can also meet other people at conventions, expand his interest further. But something else to consider from here - where is he going, life-wise? What potential career path do you think he will follow? Where do his talents lie? And in what way can you connect his interests with his potential? BF2 has found a connection and is using it. For difficult child 3, I've suggested he look at computer programming. easy child 2/difficult child 2's exBF (who was also an animé fan) has gone into computer-based animation and game design. He's working towards job placement in Japan, which will be interesting. Other possibilities including trying to invent, in reality, the various sci-fi toys shown in these stories. So many possibilities... and sometimes, all you can do is support a hobby while they build a career path in a different direction. Something to encourage your son to do now - write reviews of games, DVDs etc and try to submit them to fan magazines. If he can get a job as a regular reviewer in a special-interest area, it could open a few other doors. There will be people who will say you are mad to allow it, let alone encourage it. But as you already know, what choice do we have? When these kids obsess about something, you can't stand between. Better to be an ally now, than flattened by a steamroller. As an ally, you may have some influence. As a ribbon of flesh on the road, you have been walked over and considered unimportant. Stick around. We can support each other (and cry on each other's shoulders, across the oceans!) Marg [/QUOTE]
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