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<blockquote data-quote="DesparatelyAfraid" data-source="post: 666263" data-attributes="member: 19509"><p>so much support here. Thanks to each of you.</p><p></p><p>My son should be acing all of his classes. But when i look back on it, i think that maybe what happened or at least may be contributing to the problem is that when he reached that age when--like all of us and all things--everything no longer came with no effort he seemed to take on an edge of hyper-confidence, if that's a word. At the same time, he started to think his work was never good enough. An assignment for a 4-page short story became a maybe-publishable 12-page story. Yet he would say it was crap. If he gets even an A+ on a paper, he insists it was crap and the teacher's grade is just further evidence how bad the system is. He says why does he have to write in the formulaic way his teachers insist on, that good writing need not follow that formula. (He is not wrong about that...) Part of what 'happened' was we moved back to the US. He had never really lived in the US. He went to small private international schools. We put him in a well-respected public school for 10th grade. It was a disaster. The teachers did not know him, made no effort to know him, he likely knew more about much of the subject matter in some courses than the teacher did--but certainly not all. He registered for--and the school agreed to--what was probably an overly rigorous schedule that included 3 AP courses and 2 honors courses (plus two regular courses). That was such a difficult year--it seemed at the time. We had put him in to therapy about mid-way through the 10th grade because he seemed depressed, had no friends, was really down on himself. With the therapists help, we found a small private school that seemed to really perk our son up during the interview. He participated in a foreign exchange program over the summer (are very positive experience for him). We thought all was back on track as he started 11th grade. Things were pretty ok, not good in math, but he loved his teachers, made friends, all was good. Then by Christmas, he was barely doing any work. By February we were working with the school to try to get him back on track with home work. Then for 2nd semester he took a philosophy course, which frankly i thought would be great and right up his alley. I am not convinced that that would not have happened regardless. </p><p></p><p>with regard to how planned were his running away attempts? The first time he bought a one-way ticket to Japan. (!!) There were a couple of other more half-hearted attempts. Then last week, we were on a family vacation, he tried it again. He had planned to go become a migrant worker. He researches everything on the internet -- how to live on the streets, how to make a fake identity, etc. He is convinced that if only he could leave us, we would never find him. So far, it seems like maybe he wants us to discover it--since we do. But he completely rejects the idea that he has any problem that requires 'fixing'.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DesparatelyAfraid, post: 666263, member: 19509"] so much support here. Thanks to each of you. My son should be acing all of his classes. But when i look back on it, i think that maybe what happened or at least may be contributing to the problem is that when he reached that age when--like all of us and all things--everything no longer came with no effort he seemed to take on an edge of hyper-confidence, if that's a word. At the same time, he started to think his work was never good enough. An assignment for a 4-page short story became a maybe-publishable 12-page story. Yet he would say it was crap. If he gets even an A+ on a paper, he insists it was crap and the teacher's grade is just further evidence how bad the system is. He says why does he have to write in the formulaic way his teachers insist on, that good writing need not follow that formula. (He is not wrong about that...) Part of what 'happened' was we moved back to the US. He had never really lived in the US. He went to small private international schools. We put him in a well-respected public school for 10th grade. It was a disaster. The teachers did not know him, made no effort to know him, he likely knew more about much of the subject matter in some courses than the teacher did--but certainly not all. He registered for--and the school agreed to--what was probably an overly rigorous schedule that included 3 AP courses and 2 honors courses (plus two regular courses). That was such a difficult year--it seemed at the time. We had put him in to therapy about mid-way through the 10th grade because he seemed depressed, had no friends, was really down on himself. With the therapists help, we found a small private school that seemed to really perk our son up during the interview. He participated in a foreign exchange program over the summer (are very positive experience for him). We thought all was back on track as he started 11th grade. Things were pretty ok, not good in math, but he loved his teachers, made friends, all was good. Then by Christmas, he was barely doing any work. By February we were working with the school to try to get him back on track with home work. Then for 2nd semester he took a philosophy course, which frankly i thought would be great and right up his alley. I am not convinced that that would not have happened regardless. with regard to how planned were his running away attempts? The first time he bought a one-way ticket to Japan. (!!) There were a couple of other more half-hearted attempts. Then last week, we were on a family vacation, he tried it again. He had planned to go become a migrant worker. He researches everything on the internet -- how to live on the streets, how to make a fake identity, etc. He is convinced that if only he could leave us, we would never find him. So far, it seems like maybe he wants us to discover it--since we do. But he completely rejects the idea that he has any problem that requires 'fixing'. [/QUOTE]
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