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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 666281" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Yes, my son is really doing well at this point, and has been progressively doing better for the past 15 months. You can read my signature to see how far down he went---and of course, me right along with him.</p><p></p><p>His slide started at about age 19---at least from my perspective. He played high school soccer so kept his issues between those lines for the four years, although he didn't try in school at all, would do homework but not hand it in, etc. He did work part time, go to school, play soccer...was not very social in terms of getting engaged in high school activities. </p><p></p><p>My son, when he was growing up, would say things like this: I don't want to grow up. I want to stay a kid forever. and...</p><p></p><p>I'm going to be rich and live in a mansion. </p><p></p><p>He was the name-brand person, had to have the latest and best clothes and lots of them, was/is an anxious person. I think his anxiety and depression and thinking everybody was looking at him ruled him in high school. </p><p></p><p>My other son rejected all of that, was a good student, played music, also worked part-time and bought his clothes at Goodwill.</p><p></p><p>Teenagers are bewildering! </p><p></p><p>My oldest son did all of the things (not perfect, but good) like I would have hoped. My younger son did the opposite.</p><p></p><p>My younger son started using alcohol...and then drugs...I believe because they made him feel better about himself. He could fit in, and not be so anxious. All of that led to serious prescription drug addiction and all that comes with it, stealing, jail, homelessness, rehab, etc. </p><p></p><p>Nothing I did made a difference. I will tell you that. I did it all, begged, cried, threatened, pleaded, reasoned, manipulated, got other people to talk to him, gave consequences, wrote contracts...on and on and on...trying to make a dent in it all. It just got worse.</p><p></p><p>Finally, I had to learn to let go of him. It is the hardest journey of my life. </p><p></p><p>When I got out of the way, finally, and created some boundaries and started focusing on my own life, and he turned 25, things started to change---last June 2014. I think a lot of it was being terrified that he was going to prison for 4 years. He told me about the night he lay awake all night in jail thinking that would happen in court the next day.</p><p></p><p>There is no rhyme or reason to this type of journey. Your son's will be different from my son's. And I am in no way saying that you should "give up" at this point in your son's life. If I were you, I would continue to try to reach him, and nobody would be able to tell me differently.</p><p></p><p>Just realize that you can't control what he does. You will not be able to. And you will have to learn to live with that. There is a lot of help out there for us, reading books, journaling, 12step groups, NAMI, meditation, prayer, exercise, focusing on ourselves and how we can become better people, etc. All of our energy can be turned in another direction, at the right time, onto ourselves, who are truly the only people we have a prayer of changing anyway.</p><p></p><p>Today, my son is rebuilding his life. It's not perfect and it's not pretty. I have come to believe that there is a huge issue with young men aged 17 to 19....through 26 or 27. I think the research will bear it out. </p><p></p><p>One thing the receptionist at jail told me when I visited my son once: </p><p></p><p>How old is your son?</p><p></p><p>23, I said.</p><p></p><p>Oh, well, you have a few years to go?</p><p></p><p>I said, what do you mean?</p><p></p><p>She said, it takes most of them until about 26 or 27 to get it, and then we don't see them back here again.</p><p></p><p>At the time, I kind of halfheartedly smiled and thought how in the world can I do this for another three or four years?</p><p></p><p>Truth is, I couldn't. I had to stop and I had to set boundaries and I had to change myself.</p><p></p><p>This stuff is very very hard.</p><p></p><p>We're here for you. No matter what.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 666281, member: 17542"] Yes, my son is really doing well at this point, and has been progressively doing better for the past 15 months. You can read my signature to see how far down he went---and of course, me right along with him. His slide started at about age 19---at least from my perspective. He played high school soccer so kept his issues between those lines for the four years, although he didn't try in school at all, would do homework but not hand it in, etc. He did work part time, go to school, play soccer...was not very social in terms of getting engaged in high school activities. My son, when he was growing up, would say things like this: I don't want to grow up. I want to stay a kid forever. and... I'm going to be rich and live in a mansion. He was the name-brand person, had to have the latest and best clothes and lots of them, was/is an anxious person. I think his anxiety and depression and thinking everybody was looking at him ruled him in high school. My other son rejected all of that, was a good student, played music, also worked part-time and bought his clothes at Goodwill. Teenagers are bewildering! My oldest son did all of the things (not perfect, but good) like I would have hoped. My younger son did the opposite. My younger son started using alcohol...and then drugs...I believe because they made him feel better about himself. He could fit in, and not be so anxious. All of that led to serious prescription drug addiction and all that comes with it, stealing, jail, homelessness, rehab, etc. Nothing I did made a difference. I will tell you that. I did it all, begged, cried, threatened, pleaded, reasoned, manipulated, got other people to talk to him, gave consequences, wrote contracts...on and on and on...trying to make a dent in it all. It just got worse. Finally, I had to learn to let go of him. It is the hardest journey of my life. When I got out of the way, finally, and created some boundaries and started focusing on my own life, and he turned 25, things started to change---last June 2014. I think a lot of it was being terrified that he was going to prison for 4 years. He told me about the night he lay awake all night in jail thinking that would happen in court the next day. There is no rhyme or reason to this type of journey. Your son's will be different from my son's. And I am in no way saying that you should "give up" at this point in your son's life. If I were you, I would continue to try to reach him, and nobody would be able to tell me differently. Just realize that you can't control what he does. You will not be able to. And you will have to learn to live with that. There is a lot of help out there for us, reading books, journaling, 12step groups, NAMI, meditation, prayer, exercise, focusing on ourselves and how we can become better people, etc. All of our energy can be turned in another direction, at the right time, onto ourselves, who are truly the only people we have a prayer of changing anyway. Today, my son is rebuilding his life. It's not perfect and it's not pretty. I have come to believe that there is a huge issue with young men aged 17 to 19....through 26 or 27. I think the research will bear it out. One thing the receptionist at jail told me when I visited my son once: How old is your son? 23, I said. Oh, well, you have a few years to go? I said, what do you mean? She said, it takes most of them until about 26 or 27 to get it, and then we don't see them back here again. At the time, I kind of halfheartedly smiled and thought how in the world can I do this for another three or four years? Truth is, I couldn't. I had to stop and I had to set boundaries and I had to change myself. This stuff is very very hard. We're here for you. No matter what. [/QUOTE]
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