New member - son walked out of treatment

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Oona, Jul 28, 2013.

  1. Oona

    Oona New Member

    Hello, this online interaction is new to me, so forgive me if I make a protocol error.

    My son is 26 has been a mess for many years - the last 3 years in the hospital more than not. Through the help of a lot of good people in the community mental health organization, Son was accepted into a long term residential treatment facility. Son's Dad and I, though divorced 20+ years ago, still coordinate as co-parents. We told
    Son that if he walks out of this Treatment, he will be walking into homelessness, as there is nothing more we can do.

    As I'm sure you can imagine, Son walked out after 2 weeks.

    He went from the Treatment to a Program he had participated in...and under the influence, told them he wanted to kill he's back in a hospital. And he is no longer welcome at either his dad's or my home.

    Finding this chat was like being able to breath for the first time in weeks!
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I moved your post to it's our thread Oona. Now people can find you and you can reply right here. If you want to start a new thread about a new topic just go to left hand top corner of the forum where you see all the topics for substance abuse and you will see a Post New Thread link in a blue box.

    You are in a safe place with people who know exactly what you are going through. I'm glad he is backin the hospital. If possible I would look into a dual diagnosis treatment center that will address all his issues. My daughter, now 22, had many issues in her past, ODD, low self esteem, issues surrounding her adoption, etc. So it was no big surprise she turned to drugs/alcohol even though we did everything in our power to prevent that.

    Can you give us a little more background to his history?
  3. Oona

    Oona New Member

    My son moved in with his Dad and step mom when he was 15. In a new state, new school, new distractions too. Raiding medicine and liquor cabinets was the after school activity of choice, apparently. Dad and stepmom lost enthusiasm with parenting the after too many unacceptable encounters and boy and his newly acquired bad habits moved back in with me.

    Between senior year and the two years following he was hospitalized a few times, had lots of counseling and medication changes. variously diagnosed as depressed, anxious...but nothing ever helped. he was dropped by a few Dr.'s after several no shows.

    The last 3 years have been an ever escalating cycle of hospitalization, suicide attempts, overdoses, minor arrests, car accidents, detox etc. The last 6 months or so have been soul crushing. He just turned 26, dropped from my insurance, has taken to cutting and burning himself. He's not been clean for more than two weeks.

    After the last hospitalization he was able to avail himself of the community mental health services because he has no insurance. When he was released from the hospital the plan was for him to transition to 90 day residential. There was a time lag, and though I felt he should go to a homeless shelter in the meantime (all short term attempts to have him in my home, or his Dads have been disastrous), the Dr. Really wanted the boy to be home...and of course he used within a very short time but before a bed was available at the residential.

    Within the last year or so he was finally diagnosed bipolar, borderline, chronic suicide. He's on plenty of medications and truly has more support than all of us in this situation combined. But he has steadfastly sidestepped cooperating in his own recovery.

    Before he went into the last residential, just about 3weeks ago, his Dad and I told him that if he wallks out, he will be walking into homelessness. So he was admitted into residential, and walked out 2weeks later. On his way to Who-know-where he picked up some of his drug-of-choice, cough medicine, went to one of the many out patient programs he's been involved with, and told them he wants to kill himself. He was taken to the hospital that day.
    pHe's since been admitted to the psychiatric hospital that is so familiar now it's like my vacation home. It's only when he's there that I can relax.

    I have a great psychiatrist and am being treated for PTSD as a result of all of this. Not allowing the boy back into my home is n
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. I'm so sorry you have to take this walk, but you aren't alone. We have all been there or are still there. I'm wondering if son also feels safest when he is in the hospital. After all, he gets to eat and has a warm place to sleep and people take care of him. It's a break from reality. I have some mental health issues and spent time in a few psychiatric hospitals and you do get a break from life.

    Sad to say, prescription medications for mental health problems will not be able to work if he is also using his own recreational drugs so they are not worth much right now. All you can do is pray that he decides to truly quit the drug use. You can't control him or his choices and in my opinion you should not be bullied into having him live with you if it is stressful. These kids are resourceful and usually find places to stay, often with "friends" who also use. When he wants to quit, you will see him pulling away from these people and...I can't explain it. You will know when he is ready to cooperate and do the hard work he will need to do in order to stop using recreational drugs and start working on his mental health issues. You can not force him. It is his trip that he must walk himself. I know how much that hurts and how helpless you feel.

    I am extremely glad you are seeking help for yourself. I think we all need it. It is a trauma to see our beloved children self-destruct. In the meantime, you can have a full, rich, fun life even while your son is in crisis. You can not control HIM, but you can try to do the things you love with the people who appreciate you and who you enjoy being with and doing things you like to do. We don't have to suffer because they are. Not saying it's easy, but it doesn't help to give up our own lives because our children are refusing to make good choices.

    Good luck and keep us updated!!! Hugs :)
  5. Oona

    Oona New Member

    Thank you so much. Finding this group has been such a blessing.

    I've read many of the comments about taking and more importantly avoiding the abusive calls. With the great help of my Dr. I was able to get beyond answering the phone, and then the temptation to call him if I hadn't from him after a few days. That was about a year ago. I rarely call him now, and he is never mean or abusive when he calls me it does work to stay strong, even when your parental instinct tells you you're being negligent.
  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good for you! You have found a doctor who has helped you set boundaries. That is hard for a mom to do but it has to be done. We have all learned here that we can't change our loved ones but we can change our reaction to what they are doing. We have to find a way to be healthy and enjoy our lives despite their struggles.

    Keep posting . . . it helps.

  7. 3boyzmom

    3boyzmom New Member

    My son is in jail and when he gets abusive with me on a phone call I just tell him to speak nicely or I will say goodbye. I have actually hung up on him and now he is quick to apologize and change his tone. I have also done this on a jail visit and it worked well. I hope your on gets some help but don't forget to take care of yourself. This site is amazing for support, advice and understanding!