new member

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by wg67, Jan 20, 2014.

  1. wg67

    wg67 Member

    Im a new member her. First time posting. Ive read a lot here and know I was right to kick my d out. Was stealing from us, jewelry, money. Lieing to both me and h. The final straw was finding drug stuff in our home. Was makes it harder was she just got the grandsons back only few months. She did good for while seems back to herself. She had us all fooled. So I kicked her put for her own kids safety and in turn she returned boys to other grandparents because she is angry with us so she is trying to get back at me and h. I am close to gsons. And it goes on of no contact with children have to beg to see etc. It all is so hard to deal with but realizing i 'm Not alone anymore thanks all. Hope I can help others too being support
  2. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time Staff Member

    I am sorry. This stuff is so hard and I remember well the shock, pain, despair and grief that would come in waves.

    Remember this: things will change. They just don't stay the same with drug addicts and alcoholics. I used to think: oh my gosh is it always going to be like this? The answer is no. For my son's situation it has gotten worse. Every time I thought this must be the bottom it hasn't been. Yet.

    I don't have grandchildren yet so I can only imagine the pain of having their precious innocence caught up in this ugliness. But that situation is likely to change too.

    Practice waiting. I was never good at waiting. I was good at action. I have learned a lot about the value of waiting over the past several years.

    Write down a plan of what you will say and do and what you will not say and do. That sounds remedial but dealing with addiction can be the most stressful and confusing thing. I would find my thoughts racing, myself getting confused, my fear for him out of control and suddenly I have agreed to things that I don't want to do and that are not beneficial for me or for him.

    Also working a consistent program of recovery myself through alanon has saved my own life and sanity. I commend it to you.

    I also take care of myself with exercise, bubble baths, reading for pleasure and doing the things with friends I like to do. I have always done these things for myself but today I am more intentional about it.

    The sad sad fact is this: we just cannot change another person. Even when we love that person so very much. Even when their actions are so completely self destructive. Even when any rational person would have hit bottom a long time ago.

    I have also stopped trying to figure out addiction. At first I ordered book after book from amazon about the physiology and biology of the addicted brain. I was going to understand it, you see, so then I could fix it in my husband (high functioning alcoholic, now ex after 29 years). Hah. Then my precious younger son, now 24 and what I would call a hard core drug addict. Hah.

    Be kind to yourself. Focus on yourself. Your precious daughter is going to do whatever she is going to do---no matter what you do or so.

    I pray that cooler heads---the other grandparents---prevail and you can resume your time with your grandchildren soon. This horrible disease can rob us all of so much.

    Prayers for you and for all involved.

    Sent from my iPhone using ConductDisorders
  3. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    I'm so sorry. You most definitely aren't alone! Do you go to alanon? I highly recommend it.
  4. wg67

    wg67 Member

    Yes I've gone to alanon but haven't gone is the last 6 months..I have no excuse why I haven't gone except I thought my difficult child was doing good ha she had me fooled and I blame my self why I didn't see sign sooner but she was good at hiding it till I started finding stuff missing and at first I thought I misplaced them as I have in the past but when I found the drug paraphernalia I was crushed and realized more stuff missing that I didn't use often. Thank you for your prayers and I do need to quite blaming myself and get it together and going to alanon. Ive been very depressed so I know its gonna be hard to force my self to do it. Thanks for your support and kind words