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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 720258" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I am glad you found us.</p><p></p><p>I confess to not reading the whole thing...it is so similar to most of us here. A rose is a rose. An addict is an addict.</p><p></p><p>First of all, stop seeing your adult daughter as that sweet, cute little girl she once was. She is gone. Your daughter is taller with a lower voice and breasts. She is grown up and deliberately not getting help and mooching off you. I felt i had to make my drug using daughter leave at 19. She got no money, no car, etc. She begged her straight arrow brother to let her live with him and he reluctantly agreed, with rules attached that were stricter than ours. If she so much as lit up a cigarette in his house, he would have easily with no guilt put her out on the cold winter streets of Chicago. He made her get a job, walk both ways, pay rent, clean and cook for him and his roomies. His house/his rules...and she knew he meant it.</p><p></p><p>This is a girl who smoked pot, drank, did meth, cocaine and even smoked heroin a few times.</p><p></p><p>She quit. Even cigarettes.</p><p></p><p>Today she is 34, paid her own way through a two year school, bought a house with her boyfriend and takes darn good care of my grandchild. She has a profession.</p><p></p><p>I felt very guilty and sad making her leave, but I had two other kids, young, and they were afraid of her when she came home high although she never hurt anyone.</p><p></p><p>For me, I like tough love. Always told my kids I had a zero tolerance policies towarx breaking the law and if they did, i would not bail, pay for lawyers or let them live at home. None of my other kids took drugs. Hub and I dont drink at all. I have nevet been drunk in my life. We have no alcohol in the house. Nobody is allowed to smoke cigarettes in our house. But she did what she did anyway. I took action early. I was afraid that if I enabled her, we would still be here when she was thirty. You dont outgrow addiction.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter is 19, you cant cotrol her. I tried to stop my daughter from seeing her high school druggie friends. She would climb out her window when we slept. You can not stop your daughter.</p><p></p><p>We are not obligated to give money that they will lie about and use for substances to self destructive adult children. That in my opinion hurts them rather than helping them. Love never cured addiction and awful behavior or none of us would be here.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter is not ready to go to even community college. She is wasted all the time. She cant think right. That may or may not be in her future, but she needs to get clean first. Or not. Its up to her. Only her. Your daughter may have a high IQ. But she has a low EQ (emotional intelligence). All drug addicts do. I read in several places that a high EQ is more important to success than IQ.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion you still need therapy and as much of Al Anon as you can get. Al Anon groups are online if you cant go. I grabbed onto therapy and Al Anon or I could not have stayed strong.</p><p></p><p>I know others will chime in. I am glad you are here. Take what resonates and leave the rest. </p><p></p><p>Prayers to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 720258, member: 1550"] I am glad you found us. I confess to not reading the whole thing...it is so similar to most of us here. A rose is a rose. An addict is an addict. First of all, stop seeing your adult daughter as that sweet, cute little girl she once was. She is gone. Your daughter is taller with a lower voice and breasts. She is grown up and deliberately not getting help and mooching off you. I felt i had to make my drug using daughter leave at 19. She got no money, no car, etc. She begged her straight arrow brother to let her live with him and he reluctantly agreed, with rules attached that were stricter than ours. If she so much as lit up a cigarette in his house, he would have easily with no guilt put her out on the cold winter streets of Chicago. He made her get a job, walk both ways, pay rent, clean and cook for him and his roomies. His house/his rules...and she knew he meant it. This is a girl who smoked pot, drank, did meth, cocaine and even smoked heroin a few times. She quit. Even cigarettes. Today she is 34, paid her own way through a two year school, bought a house with her boyfriend and takes darn good care of my grandchild. She has a profession. I felt very guilty and sad making her leave, but I had two other kids, young, and they were afraid of her when she came home high although she never hurt anyone. For me, I like tough love. Always told my kids I had a zero tolerance policies towarx breaking the law and if they did, i would not bail, pay for lawyers or let them live at home. None of my other kids took drugs. Hub and I dont drink at all. I have nevet been drunk in my life. We have no alcohol in the house. Nobody is allowed to smoke cigarettes in our house. But she did what she did anyway. I took action early. I was afraid that if I enabled her, we would still be here when she was thirty. You dont outgrow addiction. Your daughter is 19, you cant cotrol her. I tried to stop my daughter from seeing her high school druggie friends. She would climb out her window when we slept. You can not stop your daughter. We are not obligated to give money that they will lie about and use for substances to self destructive adult children. That in my opinion hurts them rather than helping them. Love never cured addiction and awful behavior or none of us would be here. Your daughter is not ready to go to even community college. She is wasted all the time. She cant think right. That may or may not be in her future, but she needs to get clean first. Or not. Its up to her. Only her. Your daughter may have a high IQ. But she has a low EQ (emotional intelligence). All drug addicts do. I read in several places that a high EQ is more important to success than IQ. in my opinion you still need therapy and as much of Al Anon as you can get. Al Anon groups are online if you cant go. I grabbed onto therapy and Al Anon or I could not have stayed strong. I know others will chime in. I am glad you are here. Take what resonates and leave the rest. Prayers to you. [/QUOTE]
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