Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
New need support
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="strangeworld" data-source="post: 720401" data-attributes="member: 22313"><p>Thanks for your replies. It means a lot to hear your stories about your situations eventhough some of it stings becsuse I know I have allowed boundaries to be blurred.. And I'm sorry for the common thread that brings us here. Reading your replies gives me hope that things can change. Hope that these dark days won't last for ever. I'd like to know how to feel joy again. It's been so long that I've felt excited about anything because I don't know how. I feel content at times but then I feel grief for what once was. It's embarrassing to admit but I think I also became addicted to the drama. I told my husband the other night that I hope our conversations one day can be about how well she is doing or about something else completely. This downward spiral has been going on so long I lost myself and now am not sure I ever knew who I was to begin with. Such a cliche but it is real. We all have a breaking point and mine was in 2013 when I found out she was self injuring. She started therapy but then didn't follow through and I probably should have insisted (fail....guilt guilt guilt) This whole time was a living nightmare. Since then it's been an upstream swim for me to get any sense of groundedness. I had some derealization episodes and still can't go certain places because of association. A visceral reaction happens. This is anxiety and depression that comes and goes but it's much better than it was back in that god awful year I wish I could erase from memory. After that episode my knowlegde of depression changed. I knew what it was now and unless you've gone through it you will not be able to relate or truly understand how it makes someone feel. It distortes everything. This happened right when my kid needed me to be strong. I still went through the motions of mothering but something was different now. I think I softened and let her do her own thing because I couldn't deal anymore. And my husband is a practical, non sensitive guy who has put up walls over his life because he's been hurt too many times...too many deaths.</p><p>He's softened up over the years but still doesn't like "feelings". </p><p></p><p>She's not interested in growing up or taking responsibility for herself. She does not care becsuse she doesn't love herself or have self worth anymore. Who knows whay she has done in repayment of a place to stay....I can only hope this is my mind off in the abyss but it could be reality. Shame will kill some. So I guess all I can do is love her without giving her anything. Not sure how. Can't have expectations right now or ever really. It's her life not mine. But for a little while our lives were on the same path and it felt cozy and safe and wholesome. I felt loved and needed and like I meant something and I thought she did too. Parenting right now feels like a cruel joke. Even with the "golden child" still at home doing all the "right things". I try to be upbeat around him but over half the time it feels fake. He's so easy to get along with.</p><p></p><p>Well, I will try to stick to my boundaries and let my kid face reality. Hopefully she's capable enough. I spied again at the park. This new hobby of spying on her needs to stop and is part of the insanity alanon speaks of. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="strangeworld, post: 720401, member: 22313"] Thanks for your replies. It means a lot to hear your stories about your situations eventhough some of it stings becsuse I know I have allowed boundaries to be blurred.. And I'm sorry for the common thread that brings us here. Reading your replies gives me hope that things can change. Hope that these dark days won't last for ever. I'd like to know how to feel joy again. It's been so long that I've felt excited about anything because I don't know how. I feel content at times but then I feel grief for what once was. It's embarrassing to admit but I think I also became addicted to the drama. I told my husband the other night that I hope our conversations one day can be about how well she is doing or about something else completely. This downward spiral has been going on so long I lost myself and now am not sure I ever knew who I was to begin with. Such a cliche but it is real. We all have a breaking point and mine was in 2013 when I found out she was self injuring. She started therapy but then didn't follow through and I probably should have insisted (fail....guilt guilt guilt) This whole time was a living nightmare. Since then it's been an upstream swim for me to get any sense of groundedness. I had some derealization episodes and still can't go certain places because of association. A visceral reaction happens. This is anxiety and depression that comes and goes but it's much better than it was back in that god awful year I wish I could erase from memory. After that episode my knowlegde of depression changed. I knew what it was now and unless you've gone through it you will not be able to relate or truly understand how it makes someone feel. It distortes everything. This happened right when my kid needed me to be strong. I still went through the motions of mothering but something was different now. I think I softened and let her do her own thing because I couldn't deal anymore. And my husband is a practical, non sensitive guy who has put up walls over his life because he's been hurt too many times...too many deaths. He's softened up over the years but still doesn't like "feelings". She's not interested in growing up or taking responsibility for herself. She does not care becsuse she doesn't love herself or have self worth anymore. Who knows whay she has done in repayment of a place to stay....I can only hope this is my mind off in the abyss but it could be reality. Shame will kill some. So I guess all I can do is love her without giving her anything. Not sure how. Can't have expectations right now or ever really. It's her life not mine. But for a little while our lives were on the same path and it felt cozy and safe and wholesome. I felt loved and needed and like I meant something and I thought she did too. Parenting right now feels like a cruel joke. Even with the "golden child" still at home doing all the "right things". I try to be upbeat around him but over half the time it feels fake. He's so easy to get along with. Well, I will try to stick to my boundaries and let my kid face reality. Hopefully she's capable enough. I spied again at the park. This new hobby of spying on her needs to stop and is part of the insanity alanon speaks of. :( [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
New need support
Top