new phase for my life?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by muttmeister, Aug 26, 2013.

  1. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    So I'm 65 years old; I've been retired from teaching for 10 years. I've been a caregiver for my mother for several years, Older difficult child lives 2 hours away; younger one lives around the corner from me.

    The plan has always been that when my mother passed away, I would sell my house and move to Omaha, She died last month. Younger difficult child spent ALL of her money plus put me into debt too. I have enough money to pay the minimum on my bills; my house is paid for; I could stay here and live out my life in a beautiful environment (I redid the house exactly as I wanted) but I would be stuck here a million miles from anywhere with nothing to do and nobody to do it with. I made a deal with difficult child here to buy my house - he will pay me money from his income tax for the next 5 years and that will give me as much as I could get if I sold it on the regular market plus it will ensure that he and wife and 4 kids have a halfway decent roof over their heads because right now they are living in a shack.

    The problem is that they have put me in so much debt that I can't do anything till I get it paid off. difficult child 1 has offered to let me come and live with him and his girlfriend and two kids and get a job there (it is a larger place with jobs available) I have a master's degree and lots of experience but nobody wants to hire somebody my age. I will look for some better jobs but if worse comes to worst, he used to be a manager at Taco Bell and he says he can make one phone call and guarantee me a full time job there.

    I am planning to take him up on his offer, difficult child 2 is having a new baby; they are here several times a day thinking I should give them $5 here and $10 there; they rely on me to babysit even if it isn't convenient for me; etc. and I need to get away from them plus I need to earn money to make my move

    I'm not thrilled about giving up my home to go sleep on difficult child 1's couch and I'm not thrilled to go back to work at some job I probably won't like and I'm especially not thrilled to leave my 2 beloved dogs with difficult child 2 but I can't think of any other solution. I can either stay where I am and be unhappy or I can go there and probably be happier and definitely have something to look forward to.

    I am letting difficult child 2 and family move into my house now, as it is either that or spend a bunch of money nobody has to make the one they're in now fit for the winter. So then if I change my mind I guess I won't have a place to come back to, Of course difficult child 2 would take me in but I can't imagine living with a crazy difficult child and his bipolar wife and 3 kids under 8 plus a new baby.

    Keep your fingers crossed for me that it will all work out in the end.
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hope you are writing up a strict lease with them paying you rent!
  3. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    Fingers crossed and sending hugs
  4. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    It is so obvious you have made a TON of sacrifices for your family over the years.
    I do hope your move is the best thing for you!
    And like Busywend I hope you have everything in legal form and drawn up just the way you need specified for the "rent to own" situation it sounds like you are offering difficult child.

    I hope you will take care of yourself in the best way possible...You deserve to put yourself FIRST for a change!
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I actually understand your deal with difficult child 2 and if you are really sure they will pay you at income tax time, I think its a good plan.

    As far as working at Taco Bell...I would turn that down. You have so many years of experience teaching kids I bet you can make a whole lot more as a tutor. Around here they get paid a pretty penny. Easily as much as a housekeeper or nanny. I would imagine if you have one or two a day you could be making more than you could at a minimum wage job. Also I dont know if there is a college or community college near your difficult child 1 but they always need tutors too.

    *I wish you could take your dogs though.
  6. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Mutt, I think DammitJanet is onto something there. In my area the smaller private schools snap up retired teachers, as classroom teachers, private tutors, education consultants, pretty-much on whatever terms the teachers are willing to set. I'm not sure whether there's a similar market where your difficult child 1 is located, but it might be worth considering.

    Have you thought about starting a business that you could run online? Something like proofreading, content development, research, report-writing? Or something in office services? Many small companies can't afford to hire full-time staff to do this work, but they often bring in freelancers by the project. With a few such clients, you might be able to make enough money to stay put in your current house for a little while OR get settled in difficult child 1's neck of the woods more comfortably. Since the work isn't location-specific, a computer, a reliable internet connection and phone are really all you need to get started.

    Feel free to PM me if this is something that interests you, and you'd like further information.
  7. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Mutt, I don't want to throw a monkey wrench into your plan, but as an older woman too and one who has made many sacrifices for the children, couldn't you just sell your own house, pay your debts and live in a small cottage wherever you like on your Social Security and/or pension once you're out of debt? It just sounds flimsy to me to rely on your difficult child to pay you in increments over time, that could go south at any time and you're the one holding the bag. I'm sorry to be the naysayer here, but I feel someone should be advocating for YOU. You worked for everything, and even now, you are giving away any assets with the HOPE that your son pays you back. Your younger son is responsible for his home and his life not you. You are the one who seems to continue to sacrifice. If your son used all of your mothers money, isn't that enough? At our age, we need to take care of ourselves.