New recogitions

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AmericanGirl, Jun 5, 2013.

  1. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member

    Good talk with my al-anon friends, my sister and my therapist yesterday. Here is what I have recognized. I want to share it here because many of you have kindly walked my path with me and may see something I do not. A lot of these words below are straight from my therapist.

    1. That although I feel alone, difficult child hasn't been here for me for years. Examples - He was often rude, absent or even hateful during my cancer treatments. He 'forgot' holidays or ruined them. Etc.

    2. That difficult child wants to punish me. What better way to do that than to use people who have hurt me before?

    3. difficult child was first diagnosed with ADHD at age 3. Since we saw improvement after anti-depressant use and he isn't on them now, he is likely depressed right now and adding substances which further depress him. We do not know what drugs he has used or how addicted he is nor what damage he may have done to his still developing brain. These things are all interacting in his system.

    4. To make things worse, I've been told he could be anti-social. Last April, the rehab did an extensive battery of psy tests at my request. difficult child refused to allow me to see the results. However, they did not recommend medication nor continued therapy when he was released. Only sober house, AA, etc. They had the benefit of a month inpatient to observe him. Therapist believes the results were anti-social cause there is no medication/treatment plan for anti-social like there would be for bipolar, etc.

    5. That most likely this great reunion with bio dad, etc. will be a short term thing. There will be a honeymoon phase and then difficult child will show his true colors. They won't hang in there with someone with all those problems.

    6. That I did my best as difficult child's mother with love and everything I had. Something went wrong with him. I love my child, I did my best. I have no defense against a liar.

    7. I have to get out of this craziness and be sane. I should not have contact w difficult child at this time nor until he is totally ready to accept extensive help.

    I'm going to the therapist every week until I can find and keep some peace. I don't care what it costs. I got the check from selling difficult child's car (which I bought) yesterday. I figure fixing me is a good use for that money.
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2013
  2. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi AG,
    "Fixing" you is a VERY good use for that money.
    I think you are so wise to concentrate on what is best for YOU right now.

    difficult child will be back at some point as You are the only one who is truly capable of loving him. Doesn't seem as though the Bio dad or Grandma have the capacity.

    About the Anti social Disorder...My oldest difficult child was pretty much written off by Drug Rehab (after a 6 month stay) at around age 15. They saw him as extremely manipulative and having the potential to be a very dangerous criminal as he is also very intelligent and charming. Well...He is now a "family man" with 2 girls and another on the way living the American Dream...recently bought and built his own house and works extremely hard for everything...Is responsible!
    I say all of that to say this...that regardless of what the professional's "think" it is up to your difficult child to decide which way his life will go.

    Right now your difficult child seems to be lost and running in the wrong direction for help/support. I agree that this will NOT last. difficult child will find their "love" empty I suspect and they will find difficult child too big a burden.

    Keep posting AG, I have been thinking about you all week long.
    I hope you'll call me if/when you want to talk. I may just call you!
    Hugs and love,
  3. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member


    thank you for sharing. I'm thrilled yours is better and pray mine awakens.

    i saw you had called. Was with some friends at dinner. Home now. Call anytime convenient for you.

    *thanks again!
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    AG, I was glad to read this post from you. I think you did all the right things, saw your al-anon friends, your sister and your therapist, got support, got tools, got a reality check. You did good! Yes, you go focus on YOU, you already did everything you can do for your son, spend the money on deserve every penny and much more.....hugs.........
  5. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    AG I think that you are much more than a warrior mom. You my friend are a HERO mom. You are turning a sad, bad, no good situation into an opportunity for growth for you and for difficult child. He probably won't recognize this yet. You ROCK :you_go_girl:
  6. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member

    I'm having a better day. The fear is slowly decreasing during the day. Opened some curtains on the back of the house.

    Went to a group at church today. Therapeutic. Im going to church Sunday even though difficult child may appear. I know bio dad would love to ambush me but I can't live that way. However, until things settle, I will not be alone there .

    *i try to remember how frightening and lonely it is to be a difficult child....
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad you are coming out into the lightness of day. You are strong AG, look what you have been thorugh and survived. Hold your head up high, push those shoulders back and walk with a purpose. You have nothing to hide from. They cannot hurt you if you don't let them. I love your support group, they always give you such good sound advice.