New rule - No betting allowed for difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Andy, Dec 20, 2008.

  1. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    difficult child is VERY upset. Thanks to me, he has just lost a very profitable bet that he won.

    He bet the neighbor boy $15 over something and he won. I told him I refuse to let the neighbor boy pay him that because betting for money is an inappropriate activity for their age.

    We got into a HUGE argument. He does not like the fact that I am not allowing him to collect $15.

    I told him anytime you take a risk, it is gambling to which he replied it was not a risk because he knew he would win. So, we need to talk about taking advantage of someone.

    I told him the neighbor boy can not afford this and he is not allowed to bet with anyone for money. I told him that in betting someone will always get hurt. The person who looses can not always afford it and if the debt is not paid, the winner will get bad feelings. It causes too much trouble.

    I called the neighbor's mom. She will talk to her son also. difficult child takes money issues VERY seriously where the neighbor boy does this all in fun. He has no intention on following through because to him it was just a game.

    So, difficult child is learning the thrills of being on the loosing end of gambling even if he was suppose to win. Hopefully a lesson well learned before he tries it as an adult and gets into deep financial trouble.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I think you did the right thing- I've had talks with difficult child about stuff like that too. If it had been a quarter, I might not have worried so much but there is a difference when it's that much money and kids that age and there's a difference when it is taking advantage of someone, I agree.

    I have to admit though- I was a little scared to read this post when I saw the title. A couple of years ago I was giving difficult child another talk about telling someone if anyone, whether it be a family member or a stranger, did anything that made him uncomfortable or that he knew was wrong, etc (you know the talk, I'm sure). Anyway, the only time he ever said that to me was a day on vacation when I took him to live horse racing and showed him the horses, the race form, and placed a big $1 bet. (Yes, I am a BIG risk taker.) He told me I was making him uncomfortable because I am his mother and I was teaching him how to gamble and he thought that was very inappropriate! LOL! I have corrupted my own son.

    :dont_know: :2dissapointed: :crying:

    I will go hide in shame now that I have admitted this to everyone.
    :916blusher: :9-07tears: :bag:
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2008
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Arg. I can imagine how upset he must be. It seems so unfair in his world. Live and learn.
    Klmno, LOL!
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Andy - That was a good lesson learned, i'm sorry he's taking it rough yet a good "teachable" moment you found.

    Klmno - ok, that was way way too funny. umm i've done the same thing!! I have a fascination with horses, so we also did the track and we also bet a $1!! Make room in your corner. :)

    Andy you did a good job!! :)
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member


    Oh KLMNO, we did talk to him about the legal age of gambling and that it had to be at a casino in our state or the horse track.

    I do play the lottery tickets every once in awhile and am trying to teach him that I only do so if I have a few EXTRA dollars and don't expect to win. Sometimes he will ask if I am going to buy one and I will say, "Nope, I need the money to buy lunch." So hopefully he is learning that the gambling is not a way to make money because you usually will not.

    One of those areas that I want to teach him the appropriate time and place if at all. I used to be dead set against it in any form but have relaxed my standards to allow it if I can afford to loose the money I put into it. Many people go with a certain amount of money and cut the activity once that money is gone. It takes more strength for some than others to do so.

    I just hate to see people getting into financial difficulty when they take gambling too far. But it is fun! :)

    I also want him to learn that money issues between the best of friends can ruin a friendship. You really don't know another person until you get into finances with them. So best to just keep finances personal.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I agree with you. I showed difficult child that I had $20 to spend at the races- I considered it a day of entertainment- with no expectation to win. I left with him after he said that to me though, because I wanted to reinforce the fact that he said those magic words (about being uncomfortable) so that a "good adult" would stop if a child is not comfortable.

    But- I did make a mental note to have a few conversations with difficult child at a later date and make sure he understood that if his wife (someday) wants to spend a day having fun with friends at races or something like that, in moderation, that will not make her an unfit mother!
  7. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I think you did right Andy.

    Gambling is a HUGE issue for the difficult child's in my life. husband was depressed the last few years and went on a few angry gambling binges, blowing THOUSANDS of dollars on credit cards which we are STILL paying for.

    husband's parents are chronic gamblers. If they're not going to Shreveport whenever they get a few bucks saved up, they're stopping in Vegas on their way out to California. And these are folks who rely solely on father in law's SS check each month and handouts from SIL3 who covers their rent, and us who over their Medigap insurance, and whatever money SIL2 sends them. It is the ONLY form of entertainment, besides movies, that they enjoy. mother in law summed it up neatly for me once. She said she feels alive when she's in Vegas. Pretty sad commentary I thought. It speaks very loudly to her own mental health issues in my humble opinion. father in law never knows when to stop feeding the slots and will go back to the ATM again and again to pull money out until he's completely out of money.

    I enjoy going to Vegas, too. Don't get me wrong. I like dressing up and going out on the town, the lights, the music, the people. It IS exciting. But losing money is not exciting. It's depressing. And I can think of dozens of other places I enjoy going to just as much, if not more.

    Having the gambling conversation at an early age is important. Especially if you've got a difficult child.
  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Something we did with our kids as soon as they were old enough - we took them to the casino and pointed out just ow the place was set up to lure gamblers in and make them feel that time is not passing. We went through all the tricks they use to keep you there - the cheapest food os on the casino floor, for example.

    We did talk to our kids about this, we can take difficult child 3 to the casino close enough to look in. That way he can see the lighting, the carpet, etc. As long as he can't see any machines... Then we told him how it's marketed and told him stories of people with problems gambling.

    I was raised Methodist - no gambling, no smoking, no alcohol. I still don't feel comfortable with the gambling or the smoking. And for health reasons I no longer drink, although husband taught me how to appreciate a good wine.

  9. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I think you did the right thing. I don't think it's unusual for kids to say "I bet ya", but if difficult child made the best, knowing he would win, then a lesson in taking advantage of another was in good order. You handled it well. Certainly he is upset about the loss of "free money". I would be too.....

  10. compassion

    compassion Member

    I donot like gambling. I share that it makea more sense to save/invest. Compassion