Giselle, I think what you're trying to point out, is that the kids in this situation will always see it only from their point of view. It's definitely a typical teen thing. And when it comes down to having to organise the practicalities of such a visit, the kids involved, who have been feeling powerless and rejected (not necessarily with reason - but those feelings are normal, they've been caught up in a marriage break-up when they had no say in it at all) will often test their parents (both of them) to try to work out what the boundaries are.
It is difficult when you don't live in a more convenient location. For example, we chose to live where we do, it's beautiful and by the sea, surrounded by wilderness. But because of this, it is isolated. Our kids, especially easy child, resented the isolation. While the kids were growing up, we had to make compromises in order to compensate for where we lived. We could have done what other families in the village did - moved to the city while the kids were in their teens. But we felt this was too expensive. We also didn't want to sell and move, because we knew we'd never be able to move back and husband & I both hate city living. But our kids were disadvantaged due to where we live, so we did our best to make up for that and make the effort to take them places they needed to go, to wait outside various after-school activities, to generally make their lives easier than we would have, if we lived in the suburbs. And now the kids are grown (except for difficult child 3), we have our beachside home to ourselves again, no kids nagging us to move. And when the kids come home for a visit, they are glad we did not move, because now, like us, they value the peace and quiet!
But in the meantime - we had to make compromises, in order to ensure our kids' needs were met.
Does this analogy help?
You married a guy who had baggage. You had baggage too. But your daughter is OK. His is not. So compromises will need to be made.
There are other step-parents here on this site, stick around and let us know how you get on. It won't hurt to extend the olive branch to this girl, and for her to see that he is still her daddy, even if he doesn't live so close.
Marg