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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 680011" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>roxanna, meth was my daughter's drug of choice (along with other speed) when she used. She has since quite over ten years now (there is hope). But I do recognize meth behavior. First of all, they rage and CAN get psychotic from meth. Sometimes it lasts. My daughter got terrible skin. It can ruin teeth and usually the user loses lots of weight. What to do?</p><p></p><p>I think you have the right ideas. You take the car. We did. Sorry, Charlie. Don't want to be partly responsible for Daughter getting killed or killing anyone while out driving and on drugs. It didn't entirely stop her from driving. Her "friends" lent her their cars to the tune of two accidents that were her fault. She had already had one in our vehicle that lead to the taking it away. We never bought her a car. We don't believe it is useful for a teen or adult child to get a car as a gift and think they appreciate them far more if they work for them. Since drug users never tell the truth, per my now sober daughter, a promise they make to "pay you back" means you just bought yourself a car. My daughter was rare. In high school she always had a part-time job (the better to have $$$ for drungs, Grandma). We stopped giving her money even as a minor so she HAD to get a job or be broke. What can you do beyond that?</p><p></p><p>Well, you can do many things, but this is what we did and it worked. You already know there was no car and no money from us. And I mean none. I was really hard*** when it came to drugs. I had my own zero tolerance for that...I'm a person who doesn't even drink. When she was nineteen, we thought she had quit. This is something you will hear through the years. "I quit." and you, like me, will want to believe it. But watch for signs that they didn't quit, such as still acting "high" and refusing to give up their druggie friends . Druggies do not hang with the sober. So if they hang with them, that says a lot. Words they tell us mean nothing since they lie with no problem. Steal too.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion the best thing you can go when it gets to be too much is to show them the door and let them live without your money, as hard as it is. They will have to change...many DO change once they have no more support from us. It usually takes several years for them to do it, but many on this site have greatly improved their lives. It's like they get tired of being homeless, jobless, money-less, car-less, and outgrow the desire to live the drug life. Many slow down the drug use. Some quit. Their lives get better. Ours do too. I believe this happens more often when they are not living at home then when they are. Jail also sometimes helps our drug using kids. Bailing them out in my opinion doesn't help anything except make them think they can always dodge the consequences because Mom will come to the rescue. And Mom is stressed and in tears and desperate and needs to live her own life and detach from a self-destructive child. Again, this is just my opinion. </p><p></p><p>In other words, to me the best thing we can do for our drug using adult kids is to let them go and stand on their own, even if we are afraid to do it (what for? We can't save them. Only THEY can save themselves), even if we think it will make things worse (it may at first, in the long run my experience of fifteen years on this board indicates the long run shows a better prognosis if we set strong boundaries and stop helping so much), even if we need Al-Anon or a private therapist to stand strong. It is so easy to remember our adult kids as little babies who smelled so sweet and loved us so much. But they are adults now and the most loving thing in my opinion that we can do for adult kids who go wrong is to let them suffer the consequences and work things out themselves. So many of our adult kids HAVE gotten better, but not while sitting at home while we still did their laundry and still handed them money and still let them steal from us without calling the police.</p><p></p><p>They will find their normal. It may not be OUR dreams for them, but our dreams are not important. Their dreams matter to them. </p><p></p><p>I am very encouraged lately by seeing so many adult kids doing so much better. Keep the Faith.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 680011, member: 1550"] roxanna, meth was my daughter's drug of choice (along with other speed) when she used. She has since quite over ten years now (there is hope). But I do recognize meth behavior. First of all, they rage and CAN get psychotic from meth. Sometimes it lasts. My daughter got terrible skin. It can ruin teeth and usually the user loses lots of weight. What to do? I think you have the right ideas. You take the car. We did. Sorry, Charlie. Don't want to be partly responsible for Daughter getting killed or killing anyone while out driving and on drugs. It didn't entirely stop her from driving. Her "friends" lent her their cars to the tune of two accidents that were her fault. She had already had one in our vehicle that lead to the taking it away. We never bought her a car. We don't believe it is useful for a teen or adult child to get a car as a gift and think they appreciate them far more if they work for them. Since drug users never tell the truth, per my now sober daughter, a promise they make to "pay you back" means you just bought yourself a car. My daughter was rare. In high school she always had a part-time job (the better to have $$$ for drungs, Grandma). We stopped giving her money even as a minor so she HAD to get a job or be broke. What can you do beyond that? Well, you can do many things, but this is what we did and it worked. You already know there was no car and no money from us. And I mean none. I was really hard*** when it came to drugs. I had my own zero tolerance for that...I'm a person who doesn't even drink. When she was nineteen, we thought she had quit. This is something you will hear through the years. "I quit." and you, like me, will want to believe it. But watch for signs that they didn't quit, such as still acting "high" and refusing to give up their druggie friends . Druggies do not hang with the sober. So if they hang with them, that says a lot. Words they tell us mean nothing since they lie with no problem. Steal too. in my opinion the best thing you can go when it gets to be too much is to show them the door and let them live without your money, as hard as it is. They will have to change...many DO change once they have no more support from us. It usually takes several years for them to do it, but many on this site have greatly improved their lives. It's like they get tired of being homeless, jobless, money-less, car-less, and outgrow the desire to live the drug life. Many slow down the drug use. Some quit. Their lives get better. Ours do too. I believe this happens more often when they are not living at home then when they are. Jail also sometimes helps our drug using kids. Bailing them out in my opinion doesn't help anything except make them think they can always dodge the consequences because Mom will come to the rescue. And Mom is stressed and in tears and desperate and needs to live her own life and detach from a self-destructive child. Again, this is just my opinion. In other words, to me the best thing we can do for our drug using adult kids is to let them go and stand on their own, even if we are afraid to do it (what for? We can't save them. Only THEY can save themselves), even if we think it will make things worse (it may at first, in the long run my experience of fifteen years on this board indicates the long run shows a better prognosis if we set strong boundaries and stop helping so much), even if we need Al-Anon or a private therapist to stand strong. It is so easy to remember our adult kids as little babies who smelled so sweet and loved us so much. But they are adults now and the most loving thing in my opinion that we can do for adult kids who go wrong is to let them suffer the consequences and work things out themselves. So many of our adult kids HAVE gotten better, but not while sitting at home while we still did their laundry and still handed them money and still let them steal from us without calling the police. They will find their normal. It may not be OUR dreams for them, but our dreams are not important. Their dreams matter to them. I am very encouraged lately by seeing so many adult kids doing so much better. Keep the Faith. [/QUOTE]
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