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Parent Emeritus
New to board, so many issues--need clarity
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 633744" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome Origami, I'm glad you're here.</p><p></p><p>It will be very beneficial for you to find support for you. While I believe it is a noble thing to help your son, I believe your daughter in law has taken advantage of you. It sounds as if you need to set some boundaries. Doing drugs in your home and being pushed into doing something you didn't agree to is NOT RIGHT. You have rights, you have feelings, you have the right to protect your home and your family.</p><p></p><p>Therapy, or some kind of counseling for you will assist you in figuring out what your needs and wants are. It will help you to clarity your boundaries and get out of the fog of thinking about what you should be doing versus what you actually want to be doing. You sound stuck in a lot of shoulds. Your son is 27 years old and made some serious mistakes. He should be facing the consequences of his choices, you should not be living the consequences of his choices. </p><p></p><p>I might try finding out from the legal system just what MY rights are. If you are no longer willing to have him be on house arrest at your home, then what exactly are the options. You could also tell your daughter in law, that as of (some date in the future) she and the kids must move. You don't have to give any reason for it other then that is what YOU WANT. It is YOUR home, you have all the power. These are adults. You don't have any responsibility to take care of any of them UNLESS YOU want to. YOU get to decide, not anyone else. You and your husband. Not your son. Not your daughter in law.</p><p></p><p>Take your power back. This is your home. Figure out what it is you really want and then tell everyone what that is. It is not murky out here, only in there where you are trying to figure out how to help people who should be helping themselves. Whatever happens at the next court date is what happens for your son, not you. Set a date and get them all out. </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you're going through this. Keep posting, it helps. You might want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post. You might also want to read Codependency no more by Melodie Beattie. Al Anon groups might be of help too. Hang in there, take care of YOU.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 633744, member: 13542"] Welcome Origami, I'm glad you're here. It will be very beneficial for you to find support for you. While I believe it is a noble thing to help your son, I believe your daughter in law has taken advantage of you. It sounds as if you need to set some boundaries. Doing drugs in your home and being pushed into doing something you didn't agree to is NOT RIGHT. You have rights, you have feelings, you have the right to protect your home and your family. Therapy, or some kind of counseling for you will assist you in figuring out what your needs and wants are. It will help you to clarity your boundaries and get out of the fog of thinking about what you should be doing versus what you actually want to be doing. You sound stuck in a lot of shoulds. Your son is 27 years old and made some serious mistakes. He should be facing the consequences of his choices, you should not be living the consequences of his choices. I might try finding out from the legal system just what MY rights are. If you are no longer willing to have him be on house arrest at your home, then what exactly are the options. You could also tell your daughter in law, that as of (some date in the future) she and the kids must move. You don't have to give any reason for it other then that is what YOU WANT. It is YOUR home, you have all the power. These are adults. You don't have any responsibility to take care of any of them UNLESS YOU want to. YOU get to decide, not anyone else. You and your husband. Not your son. Not your daughter in law. Take your power back. This is your home. Figure out what it is you really want and then tell everyone what that is. It is not murky out here, only in there where you are trying to figure out how to help people who should be helping themselves. Whatever happens at the next court date is what happens for your son, not you. Set a date and get them all out. I'm sorry you're going through this. Keep posting, it helps. You might want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post. You might also want to read Codependency no more by Melodie Beattie. Al Anon groups might be of help too. Hang in there, take care of YOU. [/QUOTE]
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