I am new to the site and have not posted anything. I just read the past few days. Tonight, I came to post to get comfort as my son is in the streets and calling. EVERYTHING that I am reading in response to your post has been comforting to me because I KNOW that they are all right. I have two addicted adults...34 and 38 and they have been drug addicts for 7 and 5 years respectively. Anyway...after TRYING for so long with both, having them in and out, begging their step father to give them one more chance as "this might be the time", I have resigned myself to the fact that only they can help themselves. As others post, there are places that they can get help. My son was a compulsive gambler before drugs. He fought hard, went to rehab twice and never beat it until he found comfort in drugs. Both are very bad but he's not in his right mind on drugs so I think they are worse. Reading your post sounded so much like my daughter (38). A car we bought her is sitting in our yard for 5 months now. I paid the towing service when she went to jail for having paraphernalia and drugs in it just so she wouldn't lose it. She came to live here, went through withdrawal, got a little job and as soon as she got her tax refund, she was at it again. We have spent thousands and thousands for naught but the worse is the tears, heartache, worry and stress I have expended. It has put stress on both mine and their dad's marriages when they were living here and there. Jail was a killer with worry for safety and when he was beaten in there, I almost lost it. My FAITH has helped me tremendously. I pray all the time and it helps. I truly understand your pain. I had an epiphany just a few weeks ago and it may help you. I realized that I can give them comfort. She was staying in a roach motel, calling cause she hadn't eaten in days and for a sweater or jacket as the weather got cool. He was walking the streets by day, going to the library to use the computer, hanging in a horrible drug neighborhood and sleeping in somebody's car or in the street. Usually, I deal with one or the other. When he was in jail, she was staying here...when he got out and was with his dad, she was back in the street and that sort of thing but the last 3 weeks was the first double whammy with their homelessness. Anyway, the weather was very bad that night with tornado warnings, etc. I cried and cried and prayed and prayed and wanted to just go get my baby girl and my little boy but....epiphany....I can give them comfort...I can give them a roof, food, clothes but I AM NOT HELPING THEM. I have dealt with this long enough to know that COMFORT is not what they need. As others say....ONLY WHEN THEY are ready will they really try to get help. He left the comfort of his dad's home at 9:00 p.m. to be on the street as he wanted drugs. He said it was not that and that sitting in a room all day at his dad's was like jail but ...he wanted his drugs. They upset you so much that his dad called 911 and was advised that the best thing to do was let him go, cut the cord. His dad bought him a bus ticket to the city as he was about 75 miles away. He had left a couple of weeks prior but he came back and dad let him as he had a court date he wanted him to keep. Well, this time when he wanted to go back, it was NO. Sorry to be so winded but telling you all of this is actually therapy for me. It reaffirms that we have done all we could and that now we know that only they can change their lives. Sadly, both have 2 children living with their other parent. It breaks my heart when my daughter's little girl sees me on Face Time and is disappointed as I'm not mommy. She thinks she is still here. She can't wait to spend summer with me (not for me but to see "Mommy") My son's son has had a lot of trouble in school this year with his dad in jail. We told him he was away working on himself but his not receiving a call at all was not normal and he struggles with behavior issues. He broke my heart when he told me I didn't need to get him anything for his birthday because all he wanted was to see daddy. Both of mine had great jobs. He struggled financially regardless due to drugs. Baby daddy and the kids helped keep my daughter. grounded but when they split up, it was the beginning of the end. My son introduced her to heroin. He had been on pain pills for a surgery and said he liked the feeling as they made him forget about gambling. When he couldn't get them legally, he bought them on the street and that got expensive until somebody suggested Heroin. It's cheaper but.....Oh, sooo bad. To see them lose their jobs, their homes , THEIR CHILDREN has been emotionally exhausting. When they took the drugs over the children, the severity hit me....the feeling of hopelessness for them and for me set in. EVERY SINGLE THING everyone is saying is true and please heed the advice to take care of yourself and to put yourself first. Please do it sooner than later as I did. I'm not going to lie. I brought her food yesterday and brought him a change of clothes today but....I definitely don't enable them. I am strong enough now to see them walking down the street, away from me, with nothing; even though I still cry all the way home. I don't give them money. YOU need to decide what you can do to help, i.e. I take their clothes and wash them, I buy them food but....I do it while I'm out doing something else. I don't jump up to give them a ride or bring them something. I give him $2 for bus fare some time. I keep the few things they have left here as they can't carry everything around and they will leave it. Be careful that your daughter. doesn't manipulate you. Sadly, I have no trust as they have lied so many times, played my heartstrings so many times, ran the guilt trip on me so many times that I am numb to....this might be the time. I resigned myself to the fact that they must find a way to make it, that they chose how they are living. I used to make excuses like they are sick or they have mental health issues. I believe that they do but....again, NOTHING we have done repeatedly has really helped them or made them accept that they have a problem. After all of that, he says that "he used to be sick" and she says that "I don't need that" about their situations in relation to their drug use. They expect me to BELIEVE that they aren't using. Lastly....Ask yourself why you are the only one who can help her. Just as others point out....there are social service agencies, rehabs, etc. who will help. If she really wants help and can't get it from you, she can get it elsewhere. I have made every excuse I can think of, i.e. "she has a learning disability","her credit score is bad", "she can only earn minimum wage" (my excuses are both similar and some different but...they are excuses) and won't change anything. They may not be excuses....they are reality but....you have to work with what you have. There are programs for persons with those same SITUATIONS. You say yourself.....she hasn't tried to better her situation so....living with you isn't helping her. It's hard, very hard to see your child like that but she is an adult. I have taken comfort in the thought that there are many in war torn countries who watch their children wither with hunger, who sleep in the elements, who have no shoes, etc. It is their life and it's not because they didn't take advantage of help that someone offered, it's not because they LOST a better life because of drugs.....it's just an obstacle that they were given to overcome. Again, I apologize for being so winded. I realize that while trying to comfort you, I am comforting myself. Best Wishes....Hugs and Prayers. Please take care of yourself FIRST and do what you can for your grandchildren as they are innocent and unable to care for themselves...they are truly the NEEDY. Blessings!