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<blockquote data-quote="so ready to live" data-source="post: 697977" data-attributes="member: 20054"><p>Hi Thea. We get it.</p><p></p><p>You are to some extent because at times we have to choose between 2 bad things. And you do have to choose. Actually, if you are not choosing-then you have already chosen by default to let it continue.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Good advice. Many of our sons/daughters have chosen a similar path to your son's and we had to realize that we weren't fixing it, no matter how hard we tried. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Me too.</p><p> Recently on this forum we had discussion on the fact that we keep trying, because if we don't, we are afraid they will get worse. For you, it seems to have gotten worse despite your help. Surprisingly, many parents, including myself, can honestly say it didn't get worse for our kids when we withdrew our assist, made them take responsibility for themselves, and demanded "our house, our rules" or leave. It was different, but not worse. Was there anxiety about where they were and what they were doing? Oh yes. Lots. But for our house that was still world's better than living within their drama. We didn't realize how bad it was until we were out of it. Our son was making the decisions (although poor ones in our opinion) of a grown man but was enjoying all the benefits of being a dependent child. Only you can decide if that's where you are at this point. </p><p>Keep posting. It will help you to clear your mind. We can only tell <em>our</em> stories, take what you like and leave the rest. I'm so sorry you have to go through this all. Prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="so ready to live, post: 697977, member: 20054"] Hi Thea. We get it. You are to some extent because at times we have to choose between 2 bad things. And you do have to choose. Actually, if you are not choosing-then you have already chosen by default to let it continue. Good advice. Many of our sons/daughters have chosen a similar path to your son's and we had to realize that we weren't fixing it, no matter how hard we tried. Me too. Recently on this forum we had discussion on the fact that we keep trying, because if we don't, we are afraid they will get worse. For you, it seems to have gotten worse despite your help. Surprisingly, many parents, including myself, can honestly say it didn't get worse for our kids when we withdrew our assist, made them take responsibility for themselves, and demanded "our house, our rules" or leave. It was different, but not worse. Was there anxiety about where they were and what they were doing? Oh yes. Lots. But for our house that was still world's better than living within their drama. We didn't realize how bad it was until we were out of it. Our son was making the decisions (although poor ones in our opinion) of a grown man but was enjoying all the benefits of being a dependent child. Only you can decide if that's where you are at this point. Keep posting. It will help you to clear your mind. We can only tell [I]our[/I] stories, take what you like and leave the rest. I'm so sorry you have to go through this all. Prayers. [/QUOTE]
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