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<blockquote data-quote="Go slow mama" data-source="post: 698712"><p>Thanks for the responses.</p><p></p><p>Here's the update; my newly acquired cleaning lady quit as a result of the stench of weed in the house making her feel ill. This was the one thing I did post-hospital to ease my load. But as humiliated and angry as I was, this forced me to see that I had to stop and really create boundaries. The consequences of his poor choices are impacting me more and more...</p><p></p><p>So I laid it down with him, clearly and calmly...I said no more smoking in the house, I cannot obviously control what he does outside the home. And if he chooses to smoke weed in the park as he's done before, he might well get arrested as has happened before. But if so, this is not my problem. I told him I am prepared to take his room door off, that my terms for living with me mean he has to go to school (starts in 2 days), no more skipping and blowing it off, he has to get a job to re-pay me the 6 thousand dollars it cost to fix my car. He has to go see the social worker and start counselling. </p><p></p><p>He was calm and far less defensive than normal, I think he knows I am at a new breaking point. He called the social worker to make an appointment. I also took a big step and called his dad, I told him he needs to get involved and back me up, because if I pull the pin, my son has no where to go. So my ex did invite him for dinner and he actually went. They have not seen one another otherwise in over 6 months.</p><p></p><p>I am going to make an appointment to see a counsellor I worked with last year, to help me get back on track with boundaries and healthy living.</p><p></p><p>I think this is a good start, I have to get my mind around the fact that it might come down to kicking him out. I know everyone here relates to that, I'd appreciate some tips on how to begin letting go without fear, guilt and shame.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Go slow mama, post: 698712"] Thanks for the responses. Here's the update; my newly acquired cleaning lady quit as a result of the stench of weed in the house making her feel ill. This was the one thing I did post-hospital to ease my load. But as humiliated and angry as I was, this forced me to see that I had to stop and really create boundaries. The consequences of his poor choices are impacting me more and more... So I laid it down with him, clearly and calmly...I said no more smoking in the house, I cannot obviously control what he does outside the home. And if he chooses to smoke weed in the park as he's done before, he might well get arrested as has happened before. But if so, this is not my problem. I told him I am prepared to take his room door off, that my terms for living with me mean he has to go to school (starts in 2 days), no more skipping and blowing it off, he has to get a job to re-pay me the 6 thousand dollars it cost to fix my car. He has to go see the social worker and start counselling. He was calm and far less defensive than normal, I think he knows I am at a new breaking point. He called the social worker to make an appointment. I also took a big step and called his dad, I told him he needs to get involved and back me up, because if I pull the pin, my son has no where to go. So my ex did invite him for dinner and he actually went. They have not seen one another otherwise in over 6 months. I am going to make an appointment to see a counsellor I worked with last year, to help me get back on track with boundaries and healthy living. I think this is a good start, I have to get my mind around the fact that it might come down to kicking him out. I know everyone here relates to that, I'd appreciate some tips on how to begin letting go without fear, guilt and shame. [/QUOTE]
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