new to forum

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by wiwbar, Feb 5, 2008.

  1. wiwbar

    wiwbar New Member

    Have tried everything with my 13 y/o stepson with his explosive behaviour and was told by the new psychologist he has a conduct disorder...seems to fit well. He is on 10 mg of abilify that does keep his explosive "I want, I won't, I am" explosions to 2-3 times a week. We do not keep but 2 sharp kitchen knives in the house now for cooking , hidden.

    I guess his recent referral to Juv intake for disorderly conduct will follow him into adulthood when and if the cops pull him over for even a traffic stop when he is in an adult. What can I do. Really not my biggest worry right now but thouight I would ask.

    I did not want to get him into the "system" but it is to late and really is my last hope for county programs hopefully to make an impact..
  2. jenn4anthony

    jenn4anthony New Member

    Welcome! I am new here as well, I have a five year old son...married for the last 8 name is Jenna.

    I dont think it is ever too late. Your stepson has you in his corner which is wonderful, because you are here, and, you are seeking support, tips and suggestions and you love him, which will get him through.

    I think you might start out with speaking to the school guidance counselor, any or all of his teachers and come up with a plan in order to get your stepson the help he needs. you may also might want to think about getting the new psychologist involved and then go to the agencies...department of health and see if they have programs in place to help your stepson. If you have no success, then you may want to try a couseling center, a specific group in your area to help with the conduct disorder.

    I want you to know that you are taking a GREAT step towards helping your stepson and your family by being here....hugs and I wish your stepson nothing but success and growth. I think you should try the county.
  3. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Popping in to offer you both my welcome to the CD board. I hope we can help you find answers for your difficult children (difficult child = Gift from God, the child who brought you here).

    I know you will find huge amounts of wisdom & support here with very knowledgeable parents.

    Take what you can use for your difficult child & leave the rest.

    Again - welcome. :flowers:
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Adding in my welcome-glad you found us. I can relate to the hiding knives-we used to have to lock ours up.

    You will find much support here-this place has been a lifesaver for me. It really is a wonderful group! You are not alone.
  5. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Welcome to our forum!! This board holds a wealth of information. We've all used the info we wanted and moved past the info we didn't. Rest assured, we've all been in similiar situations. Lean on us...
  6. Jessica

    Jessica New Member

    I'm a newbie too. I too am looking forward to learning lots from this knowledgeable group.
  7. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    I'm fairly new too - welcome! Everybody here has had different experineces and I think you'll find a wealth of information and support - I know I have!!!!
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member


    wanted to say welcome. there is alot of great support here for you. It has helped me thru some very rough moments.

    my daughter was on abilify as well, didn't work for us. sounds like you are having better experience with it.

  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Well, I'm an old-bee and have been on the difficult child cycle since my daughter took drugs at twelve (she is now twenty-three) so I've had a bit of experience. Plus I have mental health issues myself, being both on the mood disorder spectrum and having some serious neurological deficits, which affect my impulse control. Welcome aboard :)
    First off, it is usually children over 18 who are diagnosed with CD. That's a very serious diagnosis with a poor prognosis, usually due to UNTREATED mental illness. I would NOT trust that diagnosis. If possible, I would have him re-evaluated and take him to the Top Dogs--either a neuropsychologist (they are awesome--tested my son in every way for twelve hours) or, as a second choice) a Psychiatrist (with the MD). Psychologists and therapists and social workers, in my long, long experience with them, just do not tend to nail the right diagnosis. Without the right diagnosis., the child doesn't get the right treatment and sometimes is put on the wrong medications or no medications at all. Also, sometimes our "bad" kids are seriously mentally ill. I have a few questions, and this would include his birthmother as well as your husband:
    1/Are there are psychiatric or neurological disorders on the family tree? Any substance abuse (which is a huge red flag for untreated bipolar/depression).
    2/How was his early development as far as speech, langauge, socialization, eye contact, etc. Does he have appropriate friends?
    3/Are you 100% sure he isn't abusing drugs? THAT really affects behavior.
    From what I see here, and this is NOT a criticism to you, step-parents tend to be harder on the kids than bio. parents. I think that's natural--my hub started out a step to my kids and he didn't love them like I did at first (he has since grown to love them).
    Rather than approach this from "He's a horrible stepkid" I'd approach it as "He's a seriously ill child and needs help before he gets too old and his dad and I can't help him anymore." And I'd take it from there. Welcome again :)
  10. wiwbar

    wiwbar New Member

    Thanks to all, and Midwest Mom I will answer your points. My stepson is my best friend, but yes I am seeing I am hard on him but he puts everything off and is very disrespectful at times when he is stressed.

    This is not my first referral to juv intake as he threatened a kid in my home with a pellet pistol after the kid tried to jump on his chest and hurt him(the kid has his own struggles apparently). His temper goes off for simple things he may be bipolar but noone seems to really want to give him a defintive diagnosis at this age. But what does it matter his behaviour has to change and we have tried a few other drugs seraqual, respirdol, clonadine
    1 His family tree is loaded with mental illness, autism his brother Aspergers, his uncle profound autism, his male cousins-2- autism and selective mutism, alcohol abuse by his grandpa severe in out of detox. His dad is on disabilty for a mood disorder and my stepson is afraid of him from the trips to the mission to see him or the local Motel 6 where he often resided.

    he has a huge problem not getting his way and must be preppped alot when we go into a store so he will not demand things and become outraged at not getting them. He has stolen from me.

    he was a late talker and is in Learning Disability (LD) fior reading with poor motivation to study and really care about missed assignments. He was on the A honor role up til 7th grade now is in 8th. His friends in the neigfhborhood are OK but he gets no calls from school pals. He is in Boy Scouts, wrestling, football and can get along with others relatively well. We go skiing together, fishing but most of the meltdowns come with mom and NOT at school.

    i did find a corner of a bag of white powder in his room this summer of which he said he found it in the park and was going to throw it away but did not. I had him pee tested within one day and it was negative. I will get it tested this week at the cop shop.

    You hit it on the head he is a great kid but I am worn out from 7 years of chaos and knife threats and bats never followed through with but scarey every time. rarely he talks about suicide when he is sobbing uncomtrollably sayoing noone understands him, usually he just did not get his way, then says he only said it cause he was real mad. I would be lost without him. I wonder if the county level is a good step? as I said I have few choices as he will not go into the counselors office when we drive to the appointment. He really has never been tested for anything by neuropsychs He is a co leader in scouts and gets along with others and is respected by others in scouts. he has a paranoid side and often says stop looking or talking at or about me when he is in or close to a explosion. he will prevent us from leaving the house, and get real aggressive in his rage. Anyway I am stronger and a better person for dealing with this but I am about to the point of despair. I will make it though. Wow that was long!
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hon, thanks for the info. Now this is my suggestion.
    With all of the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) in the family, I'd want him to see a neuropsychologist and have an intensive evaluation for high functioning autism. The late talking is a big red flag. Not all Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids are violent, but some can be. They also do not respond to typical parenting methods and desperately need school and community interventions in order to reach their true potential.
    My Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified son was very violent as a toddler. He pulled his hair out of his head, banged his head, rock and echoed words, screamed when he had to transition, and I think ya get the picture. Believe it or not, at fourteen, this is my most mild-mannered child of all. After we identified the problem and got him help and dealt with him as parents who have to kind of think "outside the box" he really turned into a contented kid and is making great strides. This child could very easily genetically be on the spectrum. And Autism is NOT a mental illness--it is a neurological difference that makes life VERY frustrating and difficult for the person who has it. I have no clue if that's what he has, but the genetics are there. I'd definitely look into it. Our neuropsychologist tested my son for TWELVE hours, and his "bipolar" diagnosis (one I never believed) was changed to Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified. Lucas was removed from his medications and is doing much better now, with all his supports, than when he was all drugged up. Of course, some kids have more than one issue going on.
    Trust me, all difficult children are disrespectful. I truly believe that when they say "I hate you" they mean "I hate ME. Why am I like this?" I think he can get a lot of help, but I'd again recommend a new evaluation with a neuropsychologist. I wish you lots of luck--you sound very loving and attached to this boy and he needs that very, very much!!! :)
  12. wiwbar

    wiwbar New Member

    Thanks MWM, He is such a normal insightful kid otherwise and can be the most respectful kid in the world so the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) seems like a reach...but does it(my oldest stepson has aspergers and that is so different from the younger one).

    There is such an incidence of coexisting disorders in mental health situatuatons that it becomes to what level or degree is the potential disorder that is masked as something else, anger disrespect, ambivelence, easily frustrated. So often the schools say he is a smart kid, he has so much potential but he is not using it.

    Maybe he cannot use it I tell them but they just blame the methods of childraising. Are we asking an apple to be an orange instead of growing the orange in sunshine and the apple the pac northwest to reap the fruits of our labor!?

    To the neuropsychologist we go thanks for the ideas!!! I pray for you and all with challenges of daily living
  13. wiwbar

    wiwbar New Member

    Hey by the way we live in the same state I am in paper country the home of the fox
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hey, cool! :) I'm in mid-Wisconsin and one major paper mill just shut down. If ya wanna talk, my private e-mail is [email protected]
    I don't mind people contacting me. I sometimes forget to check the PMs I get HERE or I'd tell you to get me here.
    I'm sort of near Marshfield Clinic, if that helps.
  15. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    MWM gave very good advice, and with the family tree you mentioned, I think further evaluations are needed. I always say more info is better info. Welcome, this is a great place and I have learned lots here.