New to PE ... not sure what the heck will happen

[dashcat]

I have been in PE since I joined this site and am fairly new to the whole consept of having a difficult child. I have followed your story somewhat, and have been completely amazed at what you have had to endure. I cannot begin to address your situation, but I will say that InsaneCdn has a very valid point. Take plenty of time before making any decision.
Dash

 

[Nancy]

Linda you don't need to be it he same city to be involved in their lives. Although I would take some time to let this decision take root, I think it would be good for you to be closer to your family. You have given a lifetime caring for the tweedles and you have suffered physically and emotionally during that time. I am finding the older I get that at some point we have to start taking care of oursleves and I would love to see you enjoy some things in life instead of being under so much stress.

It is not an easy decision and one that may take some time getting use to. But whatever you decide I want for you to have some peaceful years.

Hugs,
Nancy

 

[witzend]

It's probably no surprise that I will say it's best for you to move closer to your family and let the Tweedles be. That doesn't necessarily mean cutting off contact, but they have a support system in place and your input may not be welcomed at this point.

I do know how difficult it can be to sell a home that you have put so much time and effort into to make your own, but I also know that if you have made a lovely home, it will be the one that sells in this market. I understand that there will be home loan changes and interest changes coming in the fall that may cool the market, so if it is something that you are really considering, now is probably the best time to meet with a realtor and get a feel for what you have and what is available to you where you may want to go.

I think that my one concern about moving closer to family is, will they judge you unkindly? Not that they have any right to, they weren't in your shoes. But you don't need the added burden of trying to explain your actions to them.

 

[rejectedmom]

Hi Linda welcome to PE. I am another who cannot believe the twins are 18...yowzers! I agree with all that said it is time for you to take care of you. You have given up so much for the twins. I am thinking that maybe leaving this chapter of your life behind and removing the stress of all the decision making and drama will have a positive effect on you health. You have been so alone in your daily struggles for so long. I think loving support and helping hands close by will be a true blessing for you. -RM

 

[busywend]

Linda, can you trial a move for a few months? Go stay with siblings for a bit and see how you like it? How the Tweedles do?

 

[DammitJanet]

Will the tweedles go live in group homes? Or will they be on the street? I am still unsure on that point.

I dont think we have these waivers here. I looked that up online here and all I can find is that a vulnerable adult is an older person such someone disabled over 65 who is having their income taken away from them or being abused. I think my therapist wanted to threaten my family with it but then found out it would never fly because I was too young and could actually walk and talk. I had the ability to drive.

 

[Fran]

Certainly 18 is a magic number in terms of adult but we all know that 18 doesn't make our difficult child's use adult behavior.
Your legal duty is done.
I agree with Nancy, not living in the same town doesn't mean you are uninvolved.
I would think a lot depends on your health. If the idea of packing up a whole house and getting it sold puts you in a stupor, I would wait until you have a more crystalized plan. Maybe spend the summer with family and see how it goes. Nothing is written in stone.
I am in supervisory from a distance mode with my difficult child. We talk frequently, I am still watching his spending habits and checking in with the educational program and making sure he isn't falling off the path to functionality but he lives several states away. I feel I am still involved and ultimately responsible for him financially and functionally. (although he doesn't know that) : )
Find something that works for you. If moving on after they turn 18 works for you then do it. I think it is hard to cut the strings at 18 but a slower separation worked better for me. Good luck.

 

[Nomad]

Wow! I think it is good that you are moving. It is an indication to you and them that you are recognize that their "status" has changed and your role has changed. Life moves on and you are ready,willing and able to move along with it. They too will need to do that. You might, since they have some special needs, make certain allowances for a limited period of time. I'm talking a year or two. So, perhaps help out a little more than perhaps typical for the next year or two with advice, financial matters, etc. But, that is about it. Our involvement grew less and less and then at 21 it was greatly reduced. Basically, our difficult child adopted child moved out at 19 and we slowly weaned her of our help. Today, in her early 20s, she knows not to count on us and is largely independent. There are times it is frightening, as she does not always make good decisions. Our involvement now is very limited. She has improved ever so slightly...but I do not concern myself particularly. Detachment is key.
I'm so happy that you have family to be with, that they have adult mental health counselors and that you are embracing this opportunity....Blessings.

 

[buddy]

Will the tweedles go live in group homes? Or will they be on the street? I am still unsure on that point.

I dont think we have these waivers here. I looked that up online here and all I can find is that a vulnerable adult is an older person such someone disabled over 65 who is having their income taken away from them or being abused. I think my therapist wanted to threaten my family with it but then found out it would never fly because I was too young and could actually walk and talk. I had the ability to drive.

I was curious.....smile!

I found on the dhs site I could also search for daughter waiver, Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) waiver....that is where I stopped. Sometimes it is under self direction-community services. Sometimes information on the right kind of waiver can be found through organizations like ARC, NAMI, Autism Society, etc.

 

[DDD]

You know I agree with Wend. From a different perespective I think that your physical and emotional health have been impacted by the constant stress. When you are with family you "sound" happier, healthier, younger in your posts. DDD