New to the board- last week was a doozie!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by BigMamma3, Jan 20, 2009.

  1. BigMamma3

    BigMamma3 New Member

    So last Friday I discovered this board and posted about my youngest daughter. My older daughter, who has been trying really hard under some really difficult circumstances, messed up really bad this past Friday. She went into her sub teachers bag and stole her classmates book money ($3) because she wanted it to spend at the fair happening at her daycare that night. What is so ironic is that she had to work hard on her behavior all week at daycare to earn the privilege to go! She called me about 4pm Friday to announce that she had "found" the money at school. I had her give the money to her daycare counselor to hold onto until I arrived. I had told the girls I would be bringing them money as soon as I got off work for the fair. (My youngest had a "perfect day" at school Friday, so I let her stay for the fair.)

    I arrived and gave the money to the two younger girls and called my oldest outside. I asked her calmly where the money came from and she proceeded to tell me a ridiculous lie. Once it was obvious to her that I wasn't buying her story, she finally admitted what she had done. Needless to say, she didn't stay for the fair. She also missed "Grandma Day" the following day and seeing Hotel for Dogs (which she had been very anxious to see), had to do extra chores and write sentences "I will not lie or steal" 100x. Last night she asked me at bedtime "Mommy...can you please help me stop lying and stealing?" I told her that is a decision she will have to make for herself. The best I can do is be a good example by not doing these things and give her consequences for her actions when she makes the wrong choice. This morning I had her give the money to her principal and explain what she had done. She will have to sit out recess for 3 days. I breatherd a sigh of releif she didn't suspend her since this is not the first time she has stolen and this was from a teachers purse!

    Well, I hope I did the right thing. I am considering implementing a reward system at home that includes allowance so she can start having her own money to save and spend. It seems that several times she has stolen because she didn't have any money and wanted some badly. If anyone has any ideas for a system I would love to hear them.
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Big Mamma,

    I think that there are two examples of stealing that parents deal with. First being the result of a temptation too great for a young child to resist. I think, at some point, that most children steal at least once. The second being the habitual stealing that many see from their difficult children.

    I think you handled the situation great. Having her go in and "come clean" to the principal on her own is a good lesson. Not allowing her to purchase from the fair and miss the movie was consequence she hopefully will not long forget (not to mention the missed recesses).

    You did good. Hopefully you've nipped it in the bud.

  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I also think you handled the situation well.

    As for allowances, there are lots of ways to go about it.

    What we decided on at our house is to give the child $1 for each year of age, per month. So on the first of each month, my 9yo gets $9, and so on. That amount has to last the entire month and is to cover things like book fairs at school, things they want at the store (beyond their basic necessities which we provide for), snacks, etc.

    It has helped control the "gimmies" when we're out at the store and also put a stop (for the most part) to money disappearing from home. My oldest still has impulse control issues, and that's just something we're trying to work on and hope it will improve as he matures.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Last night she asked me at bedtime "Mommy...can you please help me stop lying and stealing?"

    Awww, what a sweetie!
    Sounds like you handled it just fine. She did the chores, wrote 100X, and returned the $ and apologized.
    All you can do is be consistent ... and expect it to happen again. Kids like this don't learn after one time. (If they did, none of this would be on this board!)
  5. BigMamma3

    BigMamma3 New Member

    That sounds good. Is the money contingent on good behavior or cleaning room/chores etc.?

    I think that impulse control is a huge issue for both of my girls. I asked my older daughter if she had any funny feelings or a voice telling her she shouldn't take the money. She said "no-- I just really wanted the money". I find this hard to beleive. While she sat in the living room and we discussed the incident and her consequences, her stomach was turning visible summersaults! She must experience this a little while in the act of stealing...

    So hard for me to relate as I was always too scared to steal. Still am :peaceful: