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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 23762" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I'm with the others on this - especially with a high IQ, current diagnosis of ADD and arguments over homework. We live with this - my difficult child 3 especially, who is fully on the autism spectrum and not just Aspie, has a high IQ (similar to your son) and is finally achieving well at school after some very rocky patches. The ODD problems are much more under control now, for us, because we give him a lot more control over his life (within reason). he accepts control in other areas much more readily because he knows we're letting him have a lot of leeway in other ways.</p><p></p><p>To get a look at the autism question, visit <a href="http://www.childbrain.com" target="_blank">http://www.childbrain.com</a> and have a browse. They have a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire that would be very much worth testing your family with. It's not officially diagnostic, but it can give you enough confidence and ammunition, if they indicate a likelihood of a positive test, to take the printout to the appropriate specialist. Even if it's not Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), t he answers to those questions can help guide a specialist to answer the problems you're dealing with.</p><p></p><p>And for books on ODD issues and how to cope - read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. If you want a preview check out the discussion on this on Early Childhood forum.</p><p></p><p>If you can get husband to visit this site with you and read for himself, it might help to give him a better understanding, as well as help you both to be on the same page. It works for us really well, but you know him best. Would he? There are other blokes here, as well. He wouldn't be the only male.</p><p></p><p>Homework - if he's doing well academically, it may be easier to talk to the school and drop the homework for a while. What purpose is it serving, that is great enough to outweigh the problems it's causing for you? We found homework to be a HUGE issue because by the end of the school day the ADD component has had enough and to keep going with academic discipline when their brain just needs to let off steam, is pure torture. Now as difficult child 3 is older, he is much more motivated with schoolwork and it's easier to persuade him to complete outstanding work. And it's persuasion, not force. Never try to force these kids - their will is stronger than anything. You use that will as a tool, don't meet it as an obstacle. Homework is a school issue anyway. Let the school argue with him about it.</p><p></p><p>You should be able to get some sort of support for him, including some sort of consensus over homework. Having a high IQ doesn't disqualify him from an IEP if he qualifies in other ways. needing extension - I'm not sure if that would qualify you where you live but we could make a case in Australia. In fact, we did for difficult child 3, but he had the diagnosed disability to go with it.</p><p></p><p>You need to get husband on the same page. If he's currently the stay-at-home parent then he needs to be reading and discussing with you what you dig up. He should also be digging stuff up. A good start may be the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) survey - get husband to sit with you while you answer the questions together. Discuss them. If you can't agree on which answer is right, there is more information hot-linked to each question to guide you. Do it in a way that you can both agree, and then discuss what you both think about the result. Then print it for future reference.</p><p></p><p>There is so much more but I don't want to overwhelm you with information right now. But you have definitely come to the right place - welcome!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 23762, member: 1991"] I'm with the others on this - especially with a high IQ, current diagnosis of ADD and arguments over homework. We live with this - my difficult child 3 especially, who is fully on the autism spectrum and not just Aspie, has a high IQ (similar to your son) and is finally achieving well at school after some very rocky patches. The ODD problems are much more under control now, for us, because we give him a lot more control over his life (within reason). he accepts control in other areas much more readily because he knows we're letting him have a lot of leeway in other ways. To get a look at the autism question, visit [url="http://www.childbrain.com"]http://www.childbrain.com[/url] and have a browse. They have a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire that would be very much worth testing your family with. It's not officially diagnostic, but it can give you enough confidence and ammunition, if they indicate a likelihood of a positive test, to take the printout to the appropriate specialist. Even if it's not Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), t he answers to those questions can help guide a specialist to answer the problems you're dealing with. And for books on ODD issues and how to cope - read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. If you want a preview check out the discussion on this on Early Childhood forum. If you can get husband to visit this site with you and read for himself, it might help to give him a better understanding, as well as help you both to be on the same page. It works for us really well, but you know him best. Would he? There are other blokes here, as well. He wouldn't be the only male. Homework - if he's doing well academically, it may be easier to talk to the school and drop the homework for a while. What purpose is it serving, that is great enough to outweigh the problems it's causing for you? We found homework to be a HUGE issue because by the end of the school day the ADD component has had enough and to keep going with academic discipline when their brain just needs to let off steam, is pure torture. Now as difficult child 3 is older, he is much more motivated with schoolwork and it's easier to persuade him to complete outstanding work. And it's persuasion, not force. Never try to force these kids - their will is stronger than anything. You use that will as a tool, don't meet it as an obstacle. Homework is a school issue anyway. Let the school argue with him about it. You should be able to get some sort of support for him, including some sort of consensus over homework. Having a high IQ doesn't disqualify him from an IEP if he qualifies in other ways. needing extension - I'm not sure if that would qualify you where you live but we could make a case in Australia. In fact, we did for difficult child 3, but he had the diagnosed disability to go with it. You need to get husband on the same page. If he's currently the stay-at-home parent then he needs to be reading and discussing with you what you dig up. He should also be digging stuff up. A good start may be the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) survey - get husband to sit with you while you answer the questions together. Discuss them. If you can't agree on which answer is right, there is more information hot-linked to each question to guide you. Do it in a way that you can both agree, and then discuss what you both think about the result. Then print it for future reference. There is so much more but I don't want to overwhelm you with information right now. But you have definitely come to the right place - welcome! Marg [/QUOTE]
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