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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 28924" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p>Thanks for the warm welcome, everyone. Part of the problem is that we've had to move several times in the last 10 years (usually at critical points in my boy's lives), so it's hard to get connected and find someone to talk to. As you'll all find (or suffer through), I like to talk, and it's my way of working things out. It seems here that I've found a group who's been there done that and understands what I'm saying - hard to find here in the "perfect" little rich, snobby county I moved to because of my job. </p><p></p><p>Top 10 richest counties in the US (not us, though), full of PP's who have no idea what their kids are <u>really</u> doing, and don't really want to know. Most folks around here have enough money to treat their kids in a "here's lots of cash, don't ask, don't tell" kinda way, and they only get involved when the police are called (usually to buy them off). If it's a medical emergency, well, there's always LOTS of private, discrete "facilities" where their perfect kids can dry out, come home, and find sneakier ways to go right back into the life they left.</p><p></p><p>As you can imagine, they don't want to talk to someone like us whose kids aren't perfect, and who's trying to make an actual difference. Kinda lonely, here.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, had difficult child 1 evaluated last year by an adolescent clinial psychiatric: no depression, no BiPolar (BP), no autisim/aspie, high self-esteem and personal confidence. Nothing out of the ordinary, just ADD, substance abuse, and what the doctor called a "rebellion reflex" that was as strong and uncontrollable as the actions of a Touret's Syndrome patient. </p><p></p><p>The worst part for us is that our easy child is still in there, and sometimes comes out for a visit. But when his rebellion reflex gets triggered, he might as well be on crack, and becomes a completely different person. Even when he was a kid, he was prone to fits of rage and outbursts (never violent, though, not even now). We found that the best way to handle it (then) was to put him in his room, let him alone, and a half hour later our easy child had returned and the demon had fled back to wherever it resided, waiting for the next chance to possess our easy child and turn him into a difficult child. We still have to do that now, only it takes longer, is scarier because he has a car, and sometimes means he's gone for a while (like days).</p><p></p><p>Only thing we've learned so far is to try and stay far away from his rebellion triggers. That meant giving in on a lot of things we were't comfortable with, but was the lesser evil of having him become possessed again by his rebellion reflex. Worked for a while, but now he's grown accustomed to what we've given, and wants the last little bit of what we held back as well, i.e. our rights as parents to exercise some control over his actions. Now, he uses that as an almost daily excuse to trigger his own reflex, and then uses his reflex as an excuse to do anything he wants.</p><p></p><p>Not sure how much we should fight back at this point. Wrestling with the question of "is it better to give in some more, keep him in the home, and hope he continues to mature", or "stand our ground, make him show some respect and concern for the rest of the family, and risk having him bolt for the door (permanently) before he's able to take care of himself". Seems like the right answer to that question changes on a day to day basis, and that's the way we take it right now (along with a handful of medications, that is). Just makes it hard on the other two kids and my wife when 90% of our energy goes into the Aaron drama every night.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, thanks again for the welcome.</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 28924, member: 3579"] Thanks for the warm welcome, everyone. Part of the problem is that we've had to move several times in the last 10 years (usually at critical points in my boy's lives), so it's hard to get connected and find someone to talk to. As you'll all find (or suffer through), I like to talk, and it's my way of working things out. It seems here that I've found a group who's been there done that and understands what I'm saying - hard to find here in the "perfect" little rich, snobby county I moved to because of my job. Top 10 richest counties in the US (not us, though), full of PP's who have no idea what their kids are <u>really</u> doing, and don't really want to know. Most folks around here have enough money to treat their kids in a "here's lots of cash, don't ask, don't tell" kinda way, and they only get involved when the police are called (usually to buy them off). If it's a medical emergency, well, there's always LOTS of private, discrete "facilities" where their perfect kids can dry out, come home, and find sneakier ways to go right back into the life they left. As you can imagine, they don't want to talk to someone like us whose kids aren't perfect, and who's trying to make an actual difference. Kinda lonely, here. Anyway, had difficult child 1 evaluated last year by an adolescent clinial psychiatric: no depression, no BiPolar (BP), no autisim/aspie, high self-esteem and personal confidence. Nothing out of the ordinary, just ADD, substance abuse, and what the doctor called a "rebellion reflex" that was as strong and uncontrollable as the actions of a Touret's Syndrome patient. The worst part for us is that our easy child is still in there, and sometimes comes out for a visit. But when his rebellion reflex gets triggered, he might as well be on crack, and becomes a completely different person. Even when he was a kid, he was prone to fits of rage and outbursts (never violent, though, not even now). We found that the best way to handle it (then) was to put him in his room, let him alone, and a half hour later our easy child had returned and the demon had fled back to wherever it resided, waiting for the next chance to possess our easy child and turn him into a difficult child. We still have to do that now, only it takes longer, is scarier because he has a car, and sometimes means he's gone for a while (like days). Only thing we've learned so far is to try and stay far away from his rebellion triggers. That meant giving in on a lot of things we were't comfortable with, but was the lesser evil of having him become possessed again by his rebellion reflex. Worked for a while, but now he's grown accustomed to what we've given, and wants the last little bit of what we held back as well, i.e. our rights as parents to exercise some control over his actions. Now, he uses that as an almost daily excuse to trigger his own reflex, and then uses his reflex as an excuse to do anything he wants. Not sure how much we should fight back at this point. Wrestling with the question of "is it better to give in some more, keep him in the home, and hope he continues to mature", or "stand our ground, make him show some respect and concern for the rest of the family, and risk having him bolt for the door (permanently) before he's able to take care of himself". Seems like the right answer to that question changes on a day to day basis, and that's the way we take it right now (along with a handful of medications, that is). Just makes it hard on the other two kids and my wife when 90% of our energy goes into the Aaron drama every night. Anyway, thanks again for the welcome. Mikey [/QUOTE]
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