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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 29096" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p>Hi Mom_in_training.</p><p></p><p>"middle finger" was a euphemism for him flagrantly disobeying us. In truth, he's never flipped us off and the worst thing he's ever said is that we were "stupid".</p><p></p><p>That said, I guess I still have a lot to learn, because I'm not at the tough-love point yet. wife and I were talking that our difficult child still lets us get glimpses of the easy child we love, but we're starting to understand that it's his way of keeping us hooked.</p><p></p><p>I guess I haven't been hurt enough yet to finally draw the line like you did. Some things in life you don't get a "do-over" on, and right now if my son hit the streets he'd be in jail or dead inside of a year. I know that he may end up gone anyway, but at the moment he still wants to graduate from HS, and recognizes that he needs us to make that happen. So, even though I complain, I guess there's still enough in the tank to keep him around in the hopes that he'll mature somewhat before he breaks camp and leaves the house forever. </p><p></p><p>I know I'm staring 18 months of h-e-l-l in the face, but I can't bring myself to kick open the door for him. Right now, his therapist says that's what he's looking for: an excuse to leave, but to be the victim instead of the agressor. Laying down the law like that, when he's reflexing in his difficult child mode, is giving him exactly the reason he needs to hit the street without guilt. I'm certain he wouldn't survive if that happened, especially if he left in a pique of difficult child defiance.</p><p></p><p>Maybe I'm stupid, but I can't let that happen. Not yet, not while his therapist thinks there's some hope of bringing him back to some kind of decent level. And he <strong>has</strong> made progress in other places (school, holding down a job, keeping up with his car note/insurance/phone payments, etc). My frustration is that while he seems to be doing the things he needs to do for some kind of success on his own, he's doing nothing to build or preserve any relationship with us.</p><p></p><p>So, if I have to pick, I guess I'll trust his therapist for now and put up with the pain, eat more Xanax and Clonopin, and hope that he at least learns enough before he leaves to stay alive and out of jail.</p><p></p><p>Am I deluded? Probably, But like my difficult child, I may have to learn some things on my own. And I'm still hopeful as well.</p><p></p><p>Thanks very much for your post, and I look forward to your reply.</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 29096, member: 3579"] Hi Mom_in_training. "middle finger" was a euphemism for him flagrantly disobeying us. In truth, he's never flipped us off and the worst thing he's ever said is that we were "stupid". That said, I guess I still have a lot to learn, because I'm not at the tough-love point yet. wife and I were talking that our difficult child still lets us get glimpses of the easy child we love, but we're starting to understand that it's his way of keeping us hooked. I guess I haven't been hurt enough yet to finally draw the line like you did. Some things in life you don't get a "do-over" on, and right now if my son hit the streets he'd be in jail or dead inside of a year. I know that he may end up gone anyway, but at the moment he still wants to graduate from HS, and recognizes that he needs us to make that happen. So, even though I complain, I guess there's still enough in the tank to keep him around in the hopes that he'll mature somewhat before he breaks camp and leaves the house forever. I know I'm staring 18 months of h-e-l-l in the face, but I can't bring myself to kick open the door for him. Right now, his therapist says that's what he's looking for: an excuse to leave, but to be the victim instead of the agressor. Laying down the law like that, when he's reflexing in his difficult child mode, is giving him exactly the reason he needs to hit the street without guilt. I'm certain he wouldn't survive if that happened, especially if he left in a pique of difficult child defiance. Maybe I'm stupid, but I can't let that happen. Not yet, not while his therapist thinks there's some hope of bringing him back to some kind of decent level. And he [b]has[/b] made progress in other places (school, holding down a job, keeping up with his car note/insurance/phone payments, etc). My frustration is that while he seems to be doing the things he needs to do for some kind of success on his own, he's doing nothing to build or preserve any relationship with us. So, if I have to pick, I guess I'll trust his therapist for now and put up with the pain, eat more Xanax and Clonopin, and hope that he at least learns enough before he leaves to stay alive and out of jail. Am I deluded? Probably, But like my difficult child, I may have to learn some things on my own. And I'm still hopeful as well. Thanks very much for your post, and I look forward to your reply. Mikey [/QUOTE]
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