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New to this. Grown Child homeless and messing up big time.
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 672765" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>Welcome Miss Tired. I'm so sorry you find yourself needing to join us. </p><p> </p><p>First, there is a link to an article about detachment at the top of the main forum page. It's very helpful and I think everyone needs to read it. I know how difficult it is when you want to help your child. All any of us want is what you want - for our children to be okay and our lives to be peaceful. The simple answer is to do as your fiancé asks...say no. Simple, but so hard. I think when they call crying about how they are on the streets, there's nothing you want more than to fix it. </p><p> </p><p>We put our son out for stealing from us. There was much that led up to it, but that was the last straw. He was only 19. He stayed in a shelter for a while. We helped him get an apartment - warned him if he screwed us over we wouldn't do it again - and he did. We paid the rent for the whole 5 months of the lease as he promptly quit his job. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> Then he was couch surfing for a bit, tried relatives, failed. He's now back in town and paying rent to friends of his, but looking for his own place. Even after his taking advantage, every fiber of me wants to help him. Money is one thing I haven't given, except $5 so he could buy cheap food at his job when he first got it. Working fast food but being unable to even buy a taco at half-price seemed cruel to me. </p><p> </p><p>I would turn the ringer off on your phone when you go to bed. No 2 a.m. phone calls. I'd tell him you're doing it and then DO IT. Don't let him deprive you and your fiancé of a nights sleep. You have to at least think of your own health. Our cell phones are left in the kitchen and we don't have a phone in our bedroom at all for just that reason. We feel a true emergency would have the police ringing the doorbell. Anything else can wait until we get up.</p><p> </p><p>I'm sure more people will be here to weigh in. Again, welcome. You are not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 672765, member: 17309"] Welcome Miss Tired. I'm so sorry you find yourself needing to join us. First, there is a link to an article about detachment at the top of the main forum page. It's very helpful and I think everyone needs to read it. I know how difficult it is when you want to help your child. All any of us want is what you want - for our children to be okay and our lives to be peaceful. The simple answer is to do as your fiancé asks...say no. Simple, but so hard. I think when they call crying about how they are on the streets, there's nothing you want more than to fix it. We put our son out for stealing from us. There was much that led up to it, but that was the last straw. He was only 19. He stayed in a shelter for a while. We helped him get an apartment - warned him if he screwed us over we wouldn't do it again - and he did. We paid the rent for the whole 5 months of the lease as he promptly quit his job. :( Then he was couch surfing for a bit, tried relatives, failed. He's now back in town and paying rent to friends of his, but looking for his own place. Even after his taking advantage, every fiber of me wants to help him. Money is one thing I haven't given, except $5 so he could buy cheap food at his job when he first got it. Working fast food but being unable to even buy a taco at half-price seemed cruel to me. I would turn the ringer off on your phone when you go to bed. No 2 a.m. phone calls. I'd tell him you're doing it and then DO IT. Don't let him deprive you and your fiancé of a nights sleep. You have to at least think of your own health. Our cell phones are left in the kitchen and we don't have a phone in our bedroom at all for just that reason. We feel a true emergency would have the police ringing the doorbell. Anything else can wait until we get up. I'm sure more people will be here to weigh in. Again, welcome. You are not alone. [/QUOTE]
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