new (uk) teen girl with possible odd

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by cupcake, Mar 26, 2009.

  1. cupcake

    cupcake New Member

    I live just outside London uk, and I am having lots of problems with my 14 year old daughter who is currently under assessment for adhd/odd. She has had problems since small but more as she has got older. It seems that the american websites have more information and advice than the uk ones, so I am hoping that people on this site may be able to give me some more valuable (positive) advice on how to help her as I am struggling sometimes. The main problems are lots of lying, refusing to comply, swearing (more recently) arguing back with teachers at school (in fact 7 out of 8 on the odd lists I have seen). Mostly I am trying to keep positive and praise the good behaviour etc. The problems have recently been made worse by firstly my separation from my husband (although I think generally that is better as he may be adhd, which I understand is not unusual), secondly she has started her periods and around that time we have huge tantrums that are worse than usual. It would be nice to hear from any of you that are maybe in the same position, particularly with odd as I am worried these symptoms will get worse.
    Thanks for reading this.:D
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Welcome cupcake. Sorry you had to find, but glad we were here. ODD is a difficult problem to address, but it can be addressed. One good source of informatin is Ross Greene's The Explosive Child. In it you will find good, practical tips to deal with a child with ODD. A lot of parents here also deal with these same issues on a daily basis.
    Make sure you create a signature, like mine at the bottom, so we can keep track of who you are and what age(s) your child(ren) are when you post.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Welcome, Cupcake.
    I'm glad you found us.
    Have you had an endocrine workup for your daughter? Just a thought--if she were to go on "the pill" it may even out her periods and thus, her tantrums.
    Then again, she may have a true mood disorder, since you said she's been difficult from very early on. And it could be a combination of two, with-the ADD and lack of maturity adding fuel to the flames.
    Does she stay up late or all night for several days in a row, and then want to sleep or lie around a lot for several days after that? Can you see a pattern?
    How are her test scores? Is her IQ in the normal range?
    Sorry for so many questions ... I just need some more info.
    ODD isn't really a diagnosis ... it's more of a symptom.

    Others here will join in and welcome you, too.
  4. cupcake

    cupcake New Member

    Hi, wow thanks for the fast responses, I will look into the information on ross greene thank you. For the other questions about my daughter, I can say she is very intelligent, sharp and observant (IQ not known but definitely above average). She has lots of problems sleeping and is also very restless, shouts in sleep a lot and used to sleepwalk when she was younger. I have an appointment tomorrow with a paediatrician, hoping we will get the results of a connors test that has been done. I will also ask about the pill as it has crossed my mind too that it might help. Unfortunately she has a few boys interested in her as she is tall (5'8) slim and well developed (looks about 17) but has the maturity of a 10 year old so not a very good combination.
  5. cupcake

    cupcake New Member

    To TerryJ2, thanks for your book recommendation, I have just ordered it from Amazon and look forward to reading it.
  6. cupcake

    cupcake New Member

    Hi, sorry to everywoman and terryj2, I am new to this and got mixed up with messages.:(
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hmm. From what little you've said, I'd lean more toward a mood disorder. But she really needs more testing.
    I thought a Connor's rating was something anyone could do. I had my difficult child's teachers do one, and my husband and I did them, and compared. Maybe it's something diff in UK.
    Is she on any stimulants?
    Is she sensitive to certain foods, textures, or fabrics? What about noises?
  8. cupcake

    cupcake New Member

    Hi, TerryJ2, the connors tests No.3 was over 100 questions and I had to do one, the school and my daughter herself, we then had to hand it in for the doctor to analyse the results. Yes, she is sensitive to some foods, mainly fizzy drinks, she wont eat foods together (will have them on the plate but eats them separately) wont have labels in clothes and has to wear tights under her jeans as she does not like the seams. Also she hates irritating noises like the vacuum cleaner, squeaky chair etc but she does not mind how loud she is and shouts a lot. She also cries easily with anger/frustration.:anxious:
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Will they diagnose a child with bipolar or a mood disorder in the UK? I'm not sure what to tell you if they don't. Here in the US, ODD is kind of thought to not stand alone. And her behavior, would probably be seen as a mood disorder.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ahh, that clarifies things. Be SURE to tell the doctors that.

    Please get a copy of THE OUT OF SYNC CHILD, By Kranowitcz.
    You will find it very enlightening.
  11. cupcake

    cupcake New Member

    Hi to terryj2, I have ordered the out of sync child as you suggested, so I now have 2 books I am getting that I did not know about before. I have heard about bipolar but not sure about childrens diagnosis in uk, nor have I heard the term mood disorder. We seem to be very behind you in the uk with the processes and help for children. A lot of the teachers and adults here still think that adhd etc is just an excuse for bad parenting! This view is useful for my daughter when she blames me for her problems.
    Thanks for helping:redface:
  12. lizzie09

    lizzie09 lizzie

    Hello and welcome cupcake!

    I am near enough to you in Ireland and it amazes me how different
    our countries act with these problems in our children compared to USA

    It does seem that USA is light years ahead of us.

    My sons problems were left untreated and undiagnosed for over 4 yrs
    nobody here ever suggested mood disorder and really like you said in your post a lot of his odd behaviours would definitely have been put down to me and my parenting.

    My sons eventually is thougth to have bipolar and has responded well to medications but he is a lot older than your daughter at 22yrs,

    I wish you well
  13. cupcake

    cupcake New Member

    Hi Lizzie,
    Thanks for your nice welcome.

    It has been difficult to get the doctors and school involved with trying to get a diagnosis, I have really had to work hard and insist on getting professional help. They mostly seem to want you to accept there is no real problem. My worry is that when she is an adult she will be more prone to depression etc.

    I am soon to go to our appointment, hopefully I can get some results (although it might be wise to not hold my breath!)

    Its nice to hear your son is responding to his medication.

    Will tell you all how we get on later.
  14. Stella

    Stella New Member

    Hi there Cupcake and welcome to the forum. You have found a wonderful, supportive place where you will learn from the real experts!! I am overwhelmed by how much I have learned from the short time I have been on this forum and the strength and knowlege of the moms, dads, relatives on here never ceases to amaze me!!

    It sounds like your daughter has A LOT of sensory problems. Has anyone ever mentioned Sensory Integration Disorder to you? Defintely read The Out of Sync Child - I recently read this myself and it was an eye-opener!

    Being from Ireland myself (hi Lizzie!!) I have to agree that the US are light years ahead with both knowledge and attitude regarding mental illness. A friends of mines daughter was just diagnosed with Aspergers -AGED 20!!!! says it all really.

    Wishing you luck in your search for answers....
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I have an idea. Why not purchase "The Bipolar Child" by Dimitri and Janice Papalos online from Amazon and see if it matches up to your daughter. At the same time you may want to look into Aspergers. I can give you the name of a good author.
    This way you can do your own research (half of us in the US have to do this anyway--not all of our doctors are the and maybe you can take some ideas from the books, if something rings a bell, and apply it to your daughter.
    Just a short while back, even in the US doctors insisted that you can't get bipolar until you are 18. I don't know what made 18 a magic number. I was born with a mood disorder (which is a form of bipolar). I was NEVER a happy child, had phobias of all sorts from toddlerhood (I remember being terrified of bandages at age four, nosebleeds at six, etc). It puzzles me when doctors put a magic number on a disorder. That delays treatment. Way back in the dinosaur days, when I was a kid, I got NO help and I suffered. I did not get any treatment or medication until I was 23 years old. And, yes, my parents were told "it's because of your parenting."
    Now my parents were not the greatest, but I knew it wasn't because of them. I instinctively knew I had been born this way----different. So blaming them for my nervousness, moodswings, and general miserable-ness was not something that I did. In fact, I could see some of me in both of them, but neither were as extreme.
    You came to a good place. We'll do all we can bouncing ideas at ya ;)
  16. cupcake

    cupcake New Member

    I am grateful for everyones advice and support since yesterday. Now I am after more please!

    I have just been to a 2nd appointment with a paeditrician, a different one to the first. She was running late, she had clearly not read the notes, my daughter was being all sweet and quiet, after 40 minutes she seemed to think there was no medical problems. I asked for the connors results - she did not know they had been done, then spent 10 minutes going off to find them (of course nobody had looked at them so no result).

    Please tell me I am not going mad, my instincts and research tell me that I am not the reason she lies, steals, hits me etc. I am so upset I can't think what is the best way to deal with this result. The doctor is going to send me the results (even that seemed reluctantly).

    Looking forward to your replies,
  17. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You're not. That's what they used to say here for everything a kid did wrong. It got old--I never bought it.
    Do research. I think it's more than ADHD. Adapt your own methods. Do the best you can. Don't they have more than pediatricians to diagnose psychiatric or neurological differences? Do you have the option of picking a different diagnostician?
  18. cupcake

    cupcake New Member

    Thanks midwestmom for your advice, I will look at the book and website you have suggested.

    I think I have to start with a pediatrician here, not sure what else there is so will try and find out. You have given me an idea to maybe ask for a second opinion as I haven't got anything to lose at the moment.

    Its sad to hear some of the stories like yours with childhood problems, I realise I have to fight back somehow.
  19. cupcake

    cupcake New Member

    Hi Stella,

    Thanks for the welcome and tips, I have never heard of sensory integration disorder before so I will look into it.
  20. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi Cupcake! Wow, a lot of those issues sound like Aspergers Syndrome should be considered. Here in the States we have neuropsychologist evaluations done by a, you guessed it, a neuropsychologist! ;)

    They're usually done in a teaching or childrens hospital. Can you ask your pediatrician for a referral to one?

    We're here for you, just don't get discouraged on the weekends, it tends to be quieter on the boards then!