Hello everyone, I discovered this board a little over a week ago and have been reading a lot of the threads. I feel so connected to many of you even those who have younger children. My youngest son is 15 and in 10th grade and I just got home from a parent teacher's conferences since my son is failing three subjects. He has never had a report card so poor. I also spoke to the basketball coach because my son was not allowed on the team because he was so defiant and disrespectful to him during pre-season training and during try-outs. The coach basically said that I should be verrrrryyyy concerned about my difficult child. My difficult child is also on probation for breaking and entering. He is so defiant that I can't even stand to be in the same room as him and if I say anything at all he snaps at me or glares at me. He is definitely depressed and although he is mandated to go to therapy as part of his probation he is uncooperative. When my son was in 2nd grade I had to quit my job for awhile and take him to a therapist because he would rage and barracade my room when I was inside the room. The therapist told me he was a good kid but just controlling and that I should use positive reinforcement. Things got tolerable and I coasted along for awhile. He then got in a lot of trouble at school in 6th grade. The school put him on PINS, which is (Person In Need of Supervision) where he met with a probation officer and he got better for awhile. Now things are worse than ever and I really am trying to reach out to anyone I can find. I am seeing a therapist for myself next week and I am here on this board. I have several friends I can talk to but I do my best to not talk to them more than once a week because I can get co-dependent. I can control that now since I was previously in therapy for many years when my marriage ended over 10 years ago. My ex husband was very controlling and I see a lot of that in my son. I basically broke down and cried when I spoke to my son's teachers and his past coach. I feel so lost and heart-broken. I have an older son (18) who is a freshman in college who has been healthy and normal. I really am at my wit's end. The worst thing about my difficult child who has never been diagnosed with anything ( although I thought he was bipolar when he was 8) is that this "illness" of his or operational defiance disorder is consuming me. I can hardly think of anything else. I have PTSD because the police have been at my house so many times that everytime the dog barks I think the police are in my driveway. I jump when the phone rings thinking it is the school again because my son has cut classes or gotten into trouble. I am afraid to talk to my son because he is often verbally abusive. I left my difficult child's dad because he was abusive and I wanted to get away from the abuse, however I continue to live with it ongoing. I take yoga when I can or try to meditate or exercise but I just can't crawl out of my own depression. I've been on anti-depressant's before and I don't want to go on them again. I have been off them for over three years and I don't think that is the answer. Anyway I just wanted to fill you in a little. Luckily I have a good boyfriend but even he will ask me not to talk about the situation sometimes. I get so obsessive about it. Thanks everyone for reading this.