New Young Man at Work

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by ML, Aug 21, 2008.

  1. ML

    ML Guest

    I think I've mentioned this before, but we have a new young man at work that is a textbook case of AS. I have tried to talk to people about giving him some slack. Many of the folks are uncomfortable around him because he isn't always socially appropriate. Nothing offensive, just you know, "off" like some of our kids can be. I can see that he has made a lot of strides in his life but he still has to struggle. I can see he deals with some depression about his feelings of differentness. Also, I have seen some meltdowns. Others just think "ohmygosh this guy is wierd"; I just think "oh there's an aspie meltdown". You know he typically recovers pretty quickly but there are those that just don't understand. I'm trying to be the kind, maternal presence here for him but my heart breaks for him. Does anyone have any ideas of how I can help him? I have tried to explain but some people just don't even want to try and understand.

    I talk to him a lot and I hope that it helps him to know someone gets him. He knows about the manster and can see there are many similarities. He hasn't rec'd a diagnosis and just started reading about AS recently. He's such a neat kid but has lousy self esteem. He's been seeing a therapist but I'm not sure she gets it. He told me she says he lacks compassion and needs to work on feeling his feelings. Hmmm.

    I just want to see him do well and can see the hostility around him and thank goodness, I don't think he realizes the extent of it. Unfortunately, people can be intolerant.

  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    He is so lucky to have you helping and understanding. Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone would look for ways to help each other instead of being judgmental?

    I have always been fortunate to have jobs where co-workers overlooked or worked around each other's quirkiness. When I started a job in the cities (20 yrs old), the older ladies were complaining about one of the gentlemen who did something they didn't like alot. They quieted down quickly when I said something like, "Oh, that is just him, it is just like when you swear. You don't realize you are doing it but we tolerate it." I can't believe I was so bold back then but I think I was able to say it in a way that didn't offend - that whatever it was was tolerable even though we didn't like it. That person started watching her language after that.

    Jobs are nicer when co-workers help each other out and respect each other for who they are. Makes for a much nicer work time.

    We also had a guy who had a sleeping disorder. Can't even start to spell it - it is where you can fall asleep instantly any time day or night. Got to the point he was sleeping more than not but we all knew what was going on and worked around it.
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    ML, the best you can do is exactly what you are doing. Just be a friend. Make it clear that is ALL there is, in case he misunderstands your hand of friendship. That is always a danger. Also, try to not be too indispensable for him. Don't overload him with information, just give him time to digest it as he can handle it.

    And continue to set an example to those around you. Tell them about your own experiences if you think it can help them understand.

    Andy, that condition where you fall asleep at the drop of a hat - it sounds like narcolepsy. Often the crash to sleep happens when they're under stress, even mild stress.

  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Yes Marg, Narcolepsy is the word. Thank you! I have a hard time pronouncing medical terms often times, even worse time spelling them (hard to spell what you can not pronounce).

    We have someone at church with it and any emotion at all (happy, sad, angry, whatever) would set hers off. Per her instructions when asked how I could help, I learned how to get an icepack and were to place it on her neck to assist in reviving her - I did have to do that several times. She has since received the right medications so that does not happen anymore. Whenever I was in a meeting with her, I would keep an eye on her and jump to run get that ice pack when needed. She tried so hard to stay calm and emotion free but when we get going with laughter, it is hard not to join in.
  5. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    From what you said, it sounds like this guy is over 18. Could you recommend mansters therapist or someone with more experience in Aspies? Having a good therapist that understands could do wonders for him. Otherwise, I agree with the others. Keep doing what you are doing. Sounds like that is a big help just having someone who "gets" him.
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Mustang and I had the same thought (cue scary music)

    I think this guy could use a good Aspie therapist....why not ask him if he is comfortable with his therapist and then tell him you see a lot of similarities in his and your son's behavior and THIS (hand car) woman helps him a lot.

    Finding the right therapist is 1/2 the battle for me. I want to sit with someone I know really isn't listening and just lets me vent -but on the other hand I want someone that listens ENOUGH to give me good ideas and exercises to improve my situation.

    One time I saw a therapist and she was beyond obviously not into me - and it hurt. I was talking about my abusive husband....and she was staring out the window through a reflection in the picture behind my head. I kept talking and then said "And the monkey went up the flagpole. Know what I mean?" and when she said "Yes." I got up and left and told her that I wasn't there to hear myself think - and monkeys really didn't go up a flagpole." (shoulda seen the look on her face) - I changed therapists several times before I found one I liked.....stuck wtih him 7 years.
  7. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Yeesh. With advice like that he'd almost do better to write to the Agony Aunt in the local paper. Golly.

    You're doing all the right things ML. Just having someone at work who understands is a HUGE relief. And if you can point him in the direction of some AS resources, that's bound to help as well.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    What a sweetie you are! And he's lucky to have you.

    Were you the one who clued him into Asperger's so he started reading about it?
    I agree with-Marg, not to overload him.

    It's so nice that there are people like you in the world.
  9. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    :faint: :surprise: