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<blockquote data-quote="ColleenB" data-source="post: 675523" data-attributes="member: 19887"><p>I will give a little background on our journey thus far. His drug use began three years ago when he was in his first year of university. He moved out at Xmas to live with six guys. While there he worked full time and quit school. He was using drugs but we figured it was a time of experimentation and we couldn't really stop it as he wasn't under our roof. That summer he moved back home saying he wanted to go back to school. We had no idea his drug use was escalating until Xmas when we found a bag of cocaine in his room. We confronted him and he confessed saying he was sorry, and we demanded it be returned immediately as his intention was to sell. My husband accompanied him and we got him into a therapist. By February that year we discovered he wasn't going to classes and the drug use was still going on, but he wasn't dealing. We decided he would go stay with my mom 1000 miles away just to give us all a break. It was a relief when my mom assured us he was clean, and seemed happy to be there. He stayed a few months but since they live in a rural area he couldn't find work. He came home and we thought he was on a better road. That fall he decided not to go back to university but to work. He worked in a call center and became extremely depressed. By Xmas he quit, and we supported it based on his mental health. He then decided to work in the school system as a temp educational assistant for the winter. He was amazing at this! He ended up with full time work all winter until June working with behaviour kids in an elementary. We were so proud of him and he found the job very hard but rewarding. He was off drugs, eating sleeping normal and applied to a special university leadership program that he was accepted to. Things looked promising. He finally told us how bad his addiction was, the year before and that he was clean. He had big plans, he was happy. By summer things started getting tricky with the job at the school done and the partying starting again. I was counting the days for his courses to begin. </p><p></p><p>By October we were worried, he was depressed again and not going to classes. He said he was having anxiety attacks at the thought of going to his classes. The classes were very small and he had to do a lot of talking, which he said made him freeze up and feel stupid. He had really though this degree was for him, and I think his disappointment in himself was huge. This resulted in depression. He had to drop out, losing all the money he paid. We focused on getting him well again, and promised not to nag him about plans, etc... </p><p></p><p>Now, he apparently isn't using hard drugs, just pot occasionally. I do believe him as I've seen it before. But a few weeks ago I noticed a wad of money.... And my husband noticed some other signs. We confronted him and he denied it all. I have been sick with worry since. I am pretty sure he is dealing pot only. He has money, and since he likes to shop I think he is sucked in by the money right now, as his drug use is not "bad" ( I say this compared to past) </p><p></p><p>He plans on taking a few courses after Xmas, as he says he does want a degree. He is a very smart boy and we know he can do it. I don't want to give up on him, but my husband is not willing to pay anymore. I agree, but it's so hard. </p><p></p><p>On this trip he isn't using at all and seems happy to spend time with family . I want him to know we won't pretend we don't know about his job anymore. But I'm so scared to make him leave. I feel he is really at a crossroads right now. He isn't in the stage of complete addiction, so he needs to choose what way his path will take him, I think he thinks he can deal in this " soft drug" and it will be his income. He has no thoughts to consequences. I could lose my job if it came out I knew. I have worked hard to get where I am in my career, having just graduated with my masters. </p><p></p><p>I love my boy, and he is a sweet and kind soul, who has mostly been a joy for us. Where did it all go so wrong???? He knows how heartbroken I am as he saw me crying yesterday and I could see the look on his face. My younger son is like my husband and is mostly even but I worry he will suffer as he looks up to his brother and will be influenced by this . </p><p></p><p>I am so scared of what will come next depending on his decision. And I'm not sleeping.... Again. </p><p></p><p>How do you all live your lives? I'm so obsessed and only think of this .... I feel like a shell of a person. I went to my doctor last week and she put me on an anti depressant and gave me sleeping pills. I didn't take one last night, I should have. She even offers me stress leave but I can't take it. My job actually helps me. I adore the teens and kids I work with. </p><p></p><p>Give me strength to do this. I'm so scared. What if he chooses this and goes back into the addiction, it really will</p><p>Kill me.....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ColleenB, post: 675523, member: 19887"] I will give a little background on our journey thus far. His drug use began three years ago when he was in his first year of university. He moved out at Xmas to live with six guys. While there he worked full time and quit school. He was using drugs but we figured it was a time of experimentation and we couldn't really stop it as he wasn't under our roof. That summer he moved back home saying he wanted to go back to school. We had no idea his drug use was escalating until Xmas when we found a bag of cocaine in his room. We confronted him and he confessed saying he was sorry, and we demanded it be returned immediately as his intention was to sell. My husband accompanied him and we got him into a therapist. By February that year we discovered he wasn't going to classes and the drug use was still going on, but he wasn't dealing. We decided he would go stay with my mom 1000 miles away just to give us all a break. It was a relief when my mom assured us he was clean, and seemed happy to be there. He stayed a few months but since they live in a rural area he couldn't find work. He came home and we thought he was on a better road. That fall he decided not to go back to university but to work. He worked in a call center and became extremely depressed. By Xmas he quit, and we supported it based on his mental health. He then decided to work in the school system as a temp educational assistant for the winter. He was amazing at this! He ended up with full time work all winter until June working with behaviour kids in an elementary. We were so proud of him and he found the job very hard but rewarding. He was off drugs, eating sleeping normal and applied to a special university leadership program that he was accepted to. Things looked promising. He finally told us how bad his addiction was, the year before and that he was clean. He had big plans, he was happy. By summer things started getting tricky with the job at the school done and the partying starting again. I was counting the days for his courses to begin. By October we were worried, he was depressed again and not going to classes. He said he was having anxiety attacks at the thought of going to his classes. The classes were very small and he had to do a lot of talking, which he said made him freeze up and feel stupid. He had really though this degree was for him, and I think his disappointment in himself was huge. This resulted in depression. He had to drop out, losing all the money he paid. We focused on getting him well again, and promised not to nag him about plans, etc... Now, he apparently isn't using hard drugs, just pot occasionally. I do believe him as I've seen it before. But a few weeks ago I noticed a wad of money.... And my husband noticed some other signs. We confronted him and he denied it all. I have been sick with worry since. I am pretty sure he is dealing pot only. He has money, and since he likes to shop I think he is sucked in by the money right now, as his drug use is not "bad" ( I say this compared to past) He plans on taking a few courses after Xmas, as he says he does want a degree. He is a very smart boy and we know he can do it. I don't want to give up on him, but my husband is not willing to pay anymore. I agree, but it's so hard. On this trip he isn't using at all and seems happy to spend time with family . I want him to know we won't pretend we don't know about his job anymore. But I'm so scared to make him leave. I feel he is really at a crossroads right now. He isn't in the stage of complete addiction, so he needs to choose what way his path will take him, I think he thinks he can deal in this " soft drug" and it will be his income. He has no thoughts to consequences. I could lose my job if it came out I knew. I have worked hard to get where I am in my career, having just graduated with my masters. I love my boy, and he is a sweet and kind soul, who has mostly been a joy for us. Where did it all go so wrong???? He knows how heartbroken I am as he saw me crying yesterday and I could see the look on his face. My younger son is like my husband and is mostly even but I worry he will suffer as he looks up to his brother and will be influenced by this . I am so scared of what will come next depending on his decision. And I'm not sleeping.... Again. How do you all live your lives? I'm so obsessed and only think of this .... I feel like a shell of a person. I went to my doctor last week and she put me on an anti depressant and gave me sleeping pills. I didn't take one last night, I should have. She even offers me stress leave but I can't take it. My job actually helps me. I adore the teens and kids I work with. Give me strength to do this. I'm so scared. What if he chooses this and goes back into the addiction, it really will Kill me..... [/QUOTE]
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