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- Thread starter Sadgranny
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jetsam
Active Member
hi sad, just wanted to let you know you are not alone . I too have a Difficult Child living at home. My son is 29 yo. He has been difficult since a very young age,started smoking pot at 14, It took away all his motivation and eventually he started harder drugs etc. He was diagnosed with ADHD early and although i could never get any dr to see it, i was sure there were more mental issues going on . (he is very intelligent and was always able to do a snow job on the doctors. lol)
My husband and I have unfortunately enabled him a lot in the past . I guess its a guilt thing. I blamed myself for a long time! My husband still struggles with the guilt- which is why he is once again in our home. The level of stress is high and I am finally to a point where I can let him go with no remorse. Even though he is still at present in our house, i have started to detach emotionally. Don't get me wrong i still love my son, and if there were truly something i could do to fix this or change him i would be the first to do so! But the reality is that there is NOTHING I can do that will make him change! He has to want that for himself. I can only change ME, and how I deal with him. So I choose to not let him use me as a doormat anymore. I am civil to him but that is the extent. I treat him like i would treat my neighbor. polite but not chatty or intrusive in his business. If he tries to bully me i just leave the room and do not interact with him. I can tell he notices something is different but I am at a point where i am done. This place and NARANON meetings have helped me keep my sanity as i struggle with this man child. lol I do not think you are from a different planet, you are just not ready yet..We all get to where we need to ." In your own time and in your own way" is the quote from NARANON that comes to mind. Hugs to you, and know you are not alone
My husband and I have unfortunately enabled him a lot in the past . I guess its a guilt thing. I blamed myself for a long time! My husband still struggles with the guilt- which is why he is once again in our home. The level of stress is high and I am finally to a point where I can let him go with no remorse. Even though he is still at present in our house, i have started to detach emotionally. Don't get me wrong i still love my son, and if there were truly something i could do to fix this or change him i would be the first to do so! But the reality is that there is NOTHING I can do that will make him change! He has to want that for himself. I can only change ME, and how I deal with him. So I choose to not let him use me as a doormat anymore. I am civil to him but that is the extent. I treat him like i would treat my neighbor. polite but not chatty or intrusive in his business. If he tries to bully me i just leave the room and do not interact with him. I can tell he notices something is different but I am at a point where i am done. This place and NARANON meetings have helped me keep my sanity as i struggle with this man child. lol I do not think you are from a different planet, you are just not ready yet..We all get to where we need to ." In your own time and in your own way" is the quote from NARANON that comes to mind. Hugs to you, and know you are not alone
Tonight I'm upset. He left here and hubby thinks he took a weapon with him! Hubby said every since he got home he has been fighting on the phone with girlfriend. I was driving to work and I passed him he looked like crap. Now just tonight when I pulled in the driveway he seemed OFF. He seemed weird like when he was younger and about to do something! I was thinking of driving down to girlfriend but I have a bad heart and I don't KNOW how I would react if something were to happen. I'm so hoping we both are wrong. But I needed to reach out. I do sometimes over react. He seems to always be fighting with her. I'm trying to calm myself. I know you all would understand. Thanks. Hubby is fine, I'm falling apart.
mof
Momdidntsignupforthis
Oh..so sorry, sounds like an awful stressful situation. I pray he doesn't do anything foolish...but on the flipside, what would he learn from jail?
I hate to think drugs are involved...but they usually are.
There is. nothing at this point you can do, unless you report that he stole a weapon ! You can report him and have police check it out.
Heart and hugs with you.
I hate to think drugs are involved...but they usually are.
There is. nothing at this point you can do, unless you report that he stole a weapon ! You can report him and have police check it out.
Heart and hugs with you.
jetsam
Active Member
do stay safe! I know that look you are talking about and you do not need to put yourself in harms way. not to say he would do anything purposefully but when anger takes them over i think they go blank and don't know what they do in that moment of rage. mom has the right idea i think. if he took the weapon you might report it.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
You got good advice. I may add, keep weapons locked up. This hot potato doesn't need access to guns where he lives...he could "lose it" it and shoot you or husband or anybody.
Think hard, with your bad heart, if you feel it is good for him and you for him to be living with you! Your sheltering him sure hasnt made him a better, more stable person and the stress could kill you. Then what will he do?
Take care and be safe. If you can confirm a weapon is gone, call the police and say he stole it. It beats him going to jail for homicide. Or threatening somebody with a gun.
Think hard, with your bad heart, if you feel it is good for him and you for him to be living with you! Your sheltering him sure hasnt made him a better, more stable person and the stress could kill you. Then what will he do?
Take care and be safe. If you can confirm a weapon is gone, call the police and say he stole it. It beats him going to jail for homicide. Or threatening somebody with a gun.
At the risk of now being known as the drama queen EVERYTHING as far as I know that night is fine. Sorry the weapon was a light aluminum stick. I'm sorry I haven't been on lately I've been feeling crappy. I want to share something its about that GED program he wasn't interested in the program director calls me again I tell her no he is not interested she said they had another option I take the info pass it on and don't expect anything. He bites we go yesterday he seems interested but this class you don't just sign up for they make you go thru hoops. It will be two months before I know I want so much for this to happen but I'm also ready to be DISAPPOINTED yet again. I'll be holding my breath till NOVEMBER. Hope everyone is as well as we can be. I hope to have time this weekend to catch up. I wish I could retire already so I would be able to do more. Thanks to all my friends on here!!!!
