Hi Cheryl, welcome.
Thanks for the info, SusieStar. Now I don't have to look it up!
I agree with-others here, Cheryl, that you will probably try lots of medications b4 you hit on the right one. And his diagnosis is a stepping stone, not a real diagnosis.
One thing we did when my difficult child was drawing scary pics of his sister and scribbling all over them and stabbing them with-a pen, and also saying he wanted to kill me and how he hated me, was to sit down and tell him that he was not allowed to say "kill" or "hate" in our house.
We explained that he could say he was very, very angry. But he could not say, "Kill." It was simply against the rules.
We took him to a therapist and the dr repeated the whole thing. (Kids tend to respect outside authority figures way more than Mom and Dad!) It took over a yr but it worked.
We told him when he was calm (trying to talk sense into a raging child is just beating your head against a wall). He, of course, tried to come up with-exceptions, such as, "What if I say, 'Jesus was killed on the cross? Do I get grounded?"
Aaaaargggh!
Anyway, doing that really changed things because for a while there, I was really afraid of him. Leaving things out--even the dowel from a closet can become a weapon--makes you think twice about "childproofing."
Once I was able to stand my ground and not show fear, it changed things a lot. (It took therapy and role playing on my part to get to that point.) I had to call his bluff several times and boy, were my armpits sweaty!
The times he did hit me were when I jumped into the foray. I would continue to argue with-him and the whole thing would escalate. I have learned not to do that any more.
Not arguing doesn't mean giving in. It means saying "No," or "Do your chores in the next 15 min.," and walking away.
Some days I've literally walked out of the house and out into the yard, with-him following me, harping and haranguing. It was everything I could do not to respond. It takes lots and lots of practice.
I would suggest a support group locally, and also, this board is great! One of the nice things is that someone is usually up late at night (especially on the toddler forums, boy, do I remember those days!) and you're never alone, even with-the time change.
Lots of advice and experience here.
One bit of advice I can give you, is that I noticed you wrote, "Then i was in the kitchen after telling him off" and then he wanted to kill you.
How about, if instead of telling him off, you change gears and simply make a rule that he cannot do XYZ (whatever he was doing that prompted you to tell him off) and the next time he does it, a certain privilege goes away. Then calmly follow through. No yelling. No telling off.
Sure, he'll go ballistic. You'll have to repeat the whole thing several times. But he will eventually get the message. BE CONSISTENT.
These kids of ours take everything to the nth degree; everything is exaggerated to them. If they are mad at you, they want to kill you. If they are happy, they are so happy, you completely forget anything that has happened in the past and want to give them the world. It's like they take possession of our minds (not to mention our hearts).
If you haven't already, read THE DEFIANT CHILD; 1,2,3 MAGIC; THE EXPLOSIVE CHILD; THE OUT OF SYNC CHILD; WHAT YOUR DEFIANT CHILD IS TRYING TO TELL YOU; and THE MANIPULATIVE CHILD.
Oh, and just because your child didn't overtly display depressive behaviors during plaly therapy doesn't mean he's not depressed. Children manifest depression very differently than adults. FWIW.
Glad you joined us!
