I am a now happily married 30 year old man with a 7 year old difficult child from a previous relationship. D had a typical early childhood. Nothing out of the ordinary, walked, talked, development seemed quite normal. Potty trained at 2, well mannered, people would comment on happy he semmed. However, D started displaying oppositional behaviors after his mother and I split up (we where never married and she left me for her current husband marrying him the day she left), when my son was 4 years old. She left our son with me while she moved around for a month or so before finally moving back in with her parents and we began exchanging equal custody of my son. Soon after I began dating again and that's when my son's mother started showing up on my dates, making calls to my home, witholding visitions, etc. During one of my weekly visitations, approximately 3 weeks after I had noticed a change in my son's behavior and, which was exactly the same time, I had told his mother I was moving in with my current girlfriend (who is now my wife) my son had a meltdown at the dinner table refusing to eat dinner. It was a night I've burned into my memory and will never forget. I had never had him act this way and I threatned to spank him, which I did when I tried to get him to at least taste a bite of the food and he then spit it in my face. The spanking resulted in marks that turned to bruises on the back of his left leg. His mother and maternal grandparents rushed him to the DR. the day after the spanking when I dropped him off from our visit even though I had told them what had happened and how sorry I was and tried to have me put in prison for child abuse. My equal visitation was taken away which I agreed too until the charges against me could be taken care of and I spent a period of about year and a half on supervised visitation with my son 2 hours a week. I feel horrible about the incident, blaim no one but myself and still suffer a little every day over that mistake. It's taken me a long time to get where I am about it and I still have a ways to go. Although I was never tried or convicted I felt and still feel like a child abuser. After the initial spanking my ex began claiming and fabricating an entire history of domestic and child abuse against me. We had allready been having custody issues over my son for well over a year and a half prior wihtout a single mention of such things but she used my mistake against me...and in a way against my son. My ex suffers from Bi-Polar, and has a family history of pscitzophrenia. However, she began claiming that D was traumatized by the incident, and had began to regress, wetting himself, terrible night terrors, and enrolled him in counciling, and begain telling his Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) about this false history of abuse, claiming everything from I had spanked our son when he was 2 weeks old too the fact that I had murdered a family pet in front of her...all complete lies. My son's first Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) diagnosed my son with an Anxiety dissorder with a trigger...I was the trigger (can't remember the exact diagnosis I would have to look it up in the records). When we were finally able to get hold of the Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) notes (during court, not before) and sift through them we found that my son's maternal grandparents had in fact been taking care of my son as his mother had moved out of the home and left him with his grandparents for a period of several months...I had finally gotten some visitation restored by the time we obtained these documents and after a week at my home during summer vacation my son reported to his Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) as having the "best session" he'd ever had. We where able to get the Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) on the stand that day and ask her a few questions and discovered my son's defiant behavior was increasing, he was having multiple problems in school. The judge asked about her diagnosis and stated that she had to have 6 months of data with my son being trigger free (not seeing me) before she could disscount her initial diagnosis...the judge pointed out that my son was "defiant at home, definat at his father's, at school and with everyone else, that it sounded like ODD." Then the judge noted she had been seeing my son a year and I was only getting 2 hours a week of visitation could I really be having that much impact on him in 2 hours of basically nothing but playtime. After that hearing my visitation was extened and immediately my ex began making more reports to DCS. Everything from I was throwing my son, hitting him, dragging him around by his arms, etc. I quit spanking as a form of disipline after the incident that had left bruises and had only been using time outs, all the while my son's behavior was getting worse. It seemed for every step forward I made with him the day he went home was 2 steps back. Last year in March she picked up and moved our son out of our state to VA, while we where waiting to hear about me regaining equal custody. She called me after the move to tell me that she had moved and that now I couldn't get my son back at all and she offered to buy my parental rights. We went back to court on her moving illegally (she was supposed to either get permission from the court or notify me 60 days prior to the move, which she did neither), and when we entered the court room I was handed the order from the previous hearing which gave me back equal custody of our son and changed things. My ex agreed to equal visitation and to transport my son to and from VA for our visitation exchanges so she could remain in VA living with her parents. Again only after a month she called DCS again claiming I had grabbed my son real hard and bruised him. All the while his behavior is getting worse and worse, and once again she had moved out of the home. After she completely failed to cooperate with the investigation by DCS, (She wouldn't allow them to interview my son) I think it finally became apparent to them that the truth was she was making all this stuff up. She had enrolled him in counciling with another Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in VA after our hearing giving me equal custody and never bothered to tell me about it or even who the person was. I didn't know he'd been in counciling there until she made the allegations to DCS, abd this Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) sent a letter saying I needed therapy when she had never even spoken to me let alone saw me in her office. This counciler had thought that my son's problems where some kind of nerological disorder caused from abuse and had him evaluated by a PHD which instead came back as ODD, then she had him sent to a MD and it came back ODD as well...needless to say both evaluations I later found out one the grandmother took him to and the other the mother took him to where both full of inconsistancies, more allegations, and lies. After the latest allegations where dissmissed as unfounded I contacted my son's school and became aware of the major problems and meltdowns he was having at his school. Hitting his teachers, councilers, principle, throwing desks, chairs, attempted to stab a child with a pencil. My ex had attributed these meltdowns at first as being the teacher's fault, then they where my wife's fault, and finally they where mine. Although I had seen these same type of definat behaviors ever since we split up, and had been telling my ex about them only to have her say, well he's an angel in our house. That became the same speeches we would hear at bi-weekly school meetings. The teachers would tell us about how he tore up his work and threw it back at her, my ex would say he is an angel at home, and that all this behavior was on monday's and fridays when he was stressed over having to come and go from my home. My ex wouldn't allow me access to my son's medical doctors, psychologists, psychiatrist, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) records...nothing. I had to go to court to get hold of these records and discover she was blaiming all his problems on the spanking...saying that was what was causing this. Telling teachers, doctors, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), everybody that I was abusing my son and that's why he was having these problems. With enough being enough I filed for full custody and finally last month got it. Since then I have been struggling to help sort through 3 years of lies, false allegations, half truths, and dealing with my own mistakes and missteps along the way. I am looking for all the help and advice I can find and have been looking all over for all the info I can find. I have my son enrolled in counciling here, and have an appointment with another MD this week to help access and try and help get my son the treatment he desperately needs. I haven't filled in this post with all the details because they are too numerous to post...but I'll happily answer any questions and give as much backstory and as much truth as I can possibly give. I thank any and all who read this and comment for any input you have. I just want to say that before I go, my son is truly my Gift from God and I thank the lord everyday for him. I pray for strength and love, and most of all I pray for forgivness for my mistakes and for not being a better parent to begin with and allowing what happened that night to happen. Thank you all in advance.