I'm so glad to find this forum. It seems there is not a lot of validation out there, even on the internet, where one would think there would be an overabundance on any topic imaginable. I've felt so much like an island in my community, where it is so assumed that if the parents do their jobs as they should, everything turns out ok--or at least not as badly as in my case. I definitely live in "the land of the perfect children." My daughter is 16 but became emancipated a couple of weeks ago by marriage, because I signed for it. As I presented her choices to her, they were (1) come home and be decent (not very realistic, according to psychiatric, legal, and clergy advice); (2) be filed as a runaway (as she had esssentially been living with current boyfriend for more than a month); or (3) marry him. She chose the last option, which honestly, of those three options, I consider was in both her best interests, as well as the best interests of the rest of the family. Psychiatric resources have been exhausted, as I qualify for no state assistance because I have a job with insurance (though mental health benefits have been maxed). She's been on so many medications, and none have worked. She's "played" every counselor to the max for four years, because she doesn't think she needs counseling and she also enjoys watching me invest time, money, and energy getting her to those appointment. She's the most convincing liar I have ever seen, and is well able to fool the counselors as well as me. She really has appeared to enjoy hurting me, and has even stated that as a goal. The reason is that I am the obstacle to her doing whatever she wants. Rules simply don't apply to her, and she refuses to admit she has any power whatsoever to make positive choices for herself. Legal resources seem to have been exhausted, as nothing scares her. She doesn't mind getting in a police officer's face, and being on probation doesn't bother her. We're at the point where the judge is ready to yank her into state custody if he sees her again. I already feel the social "disapproval" as well as the pressure to let her back in the house if things don't work out between her and the new hubby. Actually, I have felt the social disapproval for the four years since problems got into full swing, because this stuff just doesn't happen to "good" parents, and when bad stuff DOES happen, the parents somehow find the strength to keep looking for the "magic key." As for me, I feel used up. I so feel like I will disintegrate if I let her back in, not to mention the damage I see happening to the younger one. My teen has become an abuser. She already has a domestic violence conviction under her belt (on me), and her 8-year-old sister is justifiably afraid of her. I'm so weary of having blue lights at my house all the time because I was unable to bring a tirade under control. It's only my younger daughter and me in the house, and my 16-year-old is about my size or bigger now. Things were escalating rapidly here, because I finally decided it was more unhealthy for my younger one to see me slink away and let the older one take control (to try to avoid esposing her to more of the violent behavior), than for me to assert myself and take control of the situation. Somebody was going to get hurt badly. I think it is unusual for an abuser to reform, and I think to let her back in, despite the tears and promises I anticipate, would be the wrong move. I'm so thankful to have her out and to finally have peace in my home. "Let her earn her way back in" was "friendly" advice from last week, from someone I know meant well. I don't know how that can happen. As the battle is over for now, the grief over losing her is washing over me like a tidal wave. I still think I'm doing the right thing and hope I will keep the strength to keep her out when the begging begins. I am convinced that call will eventually come, as I just don't see things working about between these newlyweds. They married based on the fantasies and desperation of each. I haven't figured out yet how I will respond to that call, and I think it is important to figure that out ahead of time. I have seen some very "strong" parents find that call to be too much to say "no" to, and that is quite humbling. It does mean a lot that I have the full backing of the psychiatrist, who has wanted her in long-term residential treatment for some time. There was just no way to get her there. We tried every angle we knew that wouldn't financially bankrupt me. That is such a tough decision there. I know of nothing material that is worth more than a child, but what of the other child? I would have had nothing left to provide for her. I don't like my teen very much, and at this particular time, I don't even see her as a difficult child. My resentment is huge. I feel guilty about the "unmotherly" feelings I have toward her. She has become my adversary, and I can't believe that sweet child I gave birth to has become this monster I am afraid of. Thanks again for the forum.