I'm struggling with two thoughts right now and was hoping for some advice from you guys. 1. I'm frustrated and starting to be resentful of ongoing difficult child drama. I do not appreciate the fact that I have to go out and get the stuff needed to lock up half of my house. I see that most people such as mayo clinic have a softer, gentler approach to dealing with behaviors. I understand and use the concept of positive feedback, choices etc. I just find being so accomadating as going against what I feel is right as a parent. Society won't accept this deviant behavior. By compromising and running circles around an abuser I feel I am enabling and reinforcing behavior that must stop. I know a power struggle is a bad thing but it seems modern parents are powerless around kids who get the impression that compromise is an option. What happened to kids just doing hwta they were told and shutting up about it? I'm not an unreasonable person but sometimes it feels like this kid needs a reality check not some bleeding heart who lets him get away with murder by being understanding. Long story short I feel our entire family is emotionally terrorized by the difficult child and don't think it's fair that we should have to walk on egg shells to make things work, we aren't the problem. 2. If my sig. line worked you will see I have a 9 month old. difficult child is my easy child's FAORITE person. They play well considering 14 year age difference. they are like magnets and gravitate toward one another. difficult child is generally wonderful with young 1/2 sibling. The problem therin lies with her observing and being around a host of dysfunction and toxic behavior. I am very concerned that the tension and issues surrounding difficult child will have a deep and lasting impac on easy child during formative years. I am feeling as if I am forced to choose between which child is saved. I DO NOT want daughter growing up with difficult child model of male behavior toward women. (I know first hand how a bad first few years can damage a girl). I want to keep family intact but need difficult child to be a responsible and accountable for himself. Aside from my fears for other child husband and I are suffering from a host of difficult child causes stress related health problems. Our lives feel as if they revolve around difficult child. We do not have our own time, time to relax or time to be happy. No respite care. Never ending cycle of drama that is slowly eroding away at my marriage. Not that it matters but it just isn't fair that difficult child may potentially ruin the lives of 3 other people. I'm weary, seeing minimal if any progress with lots of steps back. i'm feeling like time is of the essence for results due to infant. (she is VERY perceptive, learned patty cake in one session) I love my difficult child desperately and feel lost. I do NOT want to send him away, we have limited means and options. I want my family to be whole and healthy but I am at the point that I may have to make some heartbreaking choices. difficult child wants to try and I hate to let him down but he always falls short of being a decent person. Below is some history if it helps. My son has had extensive testing recently and we are waiting for results. Not sure if it was a full neuropsychological test or not. I was so happy for some potential answers that I didn't think to ask. I know it was a full 8 hour day of testing and the results come in the form of 20+ typed pages. We have a predetermined mood disorder diagnosed, strong suspicion of a central auditory processing disorder but at his age is nearly impossible to diagnose. That includes difficulty with instructions over one step and not "hearing" things well. Preliminary on recent testing was average intelligence (I disagree, he is brilliant but not in a bookish way) slight learning disability, slight issue with memory and fine motor skills. For all intents and purposes a funny kid who is clumsy, an underachiever and forgetful. Most people are unaware of his condition. Major behaviors besides lack of academic progress are reserved for immediate family. difficult child does not deal well with changes in routine or stress. Always tired. Irritable in early morning and toward bedtime. List of acting out is extensive and pretty typical of odd from what I have been reading. Not diagnosed as odd but I'm seeing that may need to be handled as if he was. He is Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. Can be the sweetest funniest kid ever and shift into abusive, manipulative, dishonest and destructive behavior. In school he is capable of doing well if he applies himself. He is smart but does have to work harder than most students due to his Learning Disability (LD). Academically he nose dived but is slowly getting motivated as we approach being stabilized on medications. In process of IEP, met with the team. Really need the results from his testing to know where to go with him. He has some frenemies but real friends are not common. He has a mouth on him. I feel his moods impact relationships. He is preoccupied with the social structure at school even if he is floundering but does not have any friends outside of school and refuses to try. We are rural so he would have to call to make plans or behave enough to earn his 4 wheeler (and be motivated enough) to go see kids down our road. Our biggest odd symptoms are tantrums and rages usually following getting caught doing something bad. Sometimes a bit sadistic. MAJOR problem with lies, lies as a habit and defends his stories fiercely?!?!?! Began to steal food. We feed him well but he is like a swarm of locusts. Is offered healthy snacks but chooses to eat junk. (hunger is a cause of outbursts by the way) Rather than eat what he is allowed to he charges up his accout at the school snack bar (they can't close account?!?!?) or steals from my pantry. Refuses to comply with instructions even when given choices, likes to just stand still and silent in protest. His biggest problem is feeling that he must be right all of the time and seeing us doing our job as reasonable parents as an inconvenience and a nuisance. Is a master manipulater acts charming to get his way and then becomes abusive afterwards or if he is called to task. Likes to bully and use his moods to create negative environment at home. He wants everybody to be mad and miserable with him and stops at nothing to get there. Would rather have a 3 hour fight than do a sink of dishes some days. Uses escalating anger turned hostility tactics to get out of responsibilities or to deflect accountability for wrong doing. *deep breath* Sorry for the endless vent and info. Being on the verge of crisis almost every week is exhausting.