Newbie - dad of 15 year old boy with ODD and ADD

[cbiss]

Symptoms - past marijauna use, failing grades in school, truancy issues, fakes illnesses, defiant, just off probation for spray painting wall at local mall. Apparently sexually active. Lost interest in all activities except "hangen with friends". Goes through noticable ups and downs. Can go a day or two being a model child, but then flies off the handle when things don't go his way. Lives at home with bio mom, bio dad, two younger brothers.

Was just in day treatment center for a week after missing school 6 days out of 10. They suspected drug abuse but drug check was clean. He was fine for a day or two after getting out, now back to "normal", meaning defiant and wild. We saw on facebook today something about him and friend "smoking markers". Anyone with experience with this?

Thinking of sending him to a boarding school. Family is stressed and scared. Two younger brothers (10 and 12) both getting A's and in honors classes. Don't want him to "poison" them.

Any suggestions on a boarding school in TX or close by? Anyone send a kid to one and have good results (tons of negative stuff about them on net)? Anyone know a good "education consultant" to speak with about schools? Any other advice?

 

[toughlovin]

cbiss - Glad you found us and so sorry you are going through this. We have been there and our son was much like yours at 15....although he did show positive on a drug test. The symptoms do sound like drug use, and the thing is except for pot not everything stays in your system and there are lots of OTC things that don't show up on drug tests. We did send our son to a therapeutic boarding school when heh was 15. I think he did learn a lot there and in many ways it helped.... he was clean for several months when he first came home and did great initially. He did come back home and did go back to the same school which may have been a huge mistake.... although I am not sure what we should have done instead. He did end up eventually going back to the drug use. He is now 19.5, has been sober for 5 months after going to rehab and is living out of state (where the rehab was) and is in a sober living place. So I am sending you a private message on the particular place we went him as we are not supposed to put that info on the board.

 

[toughlovin]

cbiss - I tried to send you a PM and it came up and said you didn't accept them. So if you PM me I will reply with the info. Thanks.

 

[cbiss]

Thanks toughlovin. Not sure what to do about the PM issue. Settings are set to allow messages, but when I try to access the inbox it says I don't have permission to do so. Perhaps because I am a new user and have to be validated somehow? Anyone know?

 

[KFld]

That may be the case cbiss. I think there are some approval things you may have to go through before getting full access. I've been a member so long, I don't really remember, but I'm thinking there may be something like that.

 

[pepperidge]

There are some awesome boarding schools and wilderness programs out there. My son has been helped tremendously. An educational consultant is a really good idea. If you don't know of any it is hard to tell you where to start--we found ours through word of mouth. You want one that is independent--not paid to refer kids to certain programs.

 

[mrsammler]

Newbie,

What ever became of this? Did you find a therapeutic boarding school that worked for you?

My nephew was sent to a very expensive therapeutic boarding school in UT (I'll not name it) that, from his report, seemed to be more of a corral for terrible kids than a place where they were getting better. He was superficially improved upon his return after 8 months there, but it was fleeting and he returned to his prior vile behavior within a few months. Two and half years and lots of rages, violence, and visits from the police later, he's still drugging, partying, etc. Draw your own conclusions.

 

[cbiss]

Update - things got worse. First he came home high. Then he ran away from home for three days and did not call. That was the last straw - we truly feared for his wellbeing. So we hired a service to accompany him to a wilderness program in Utah. Has been doing great so far - seems to have totally changed. Had a visit there two weeks ago - meant many parents in similar situation. The kids are truly roughing it! Camping with a foam pad, sleeping bag, and tarp for a tent. Therapist there is great - he really connects with the kids. We are now looking at theraputic boarding schools. While he has made great progress and has started to change, we believe he would fall to his old ways if he came home now. He needs more time away and more counseling. Also needs to catch up on schoolwork. Has been a relief to have him somewhere where we know he is safe and being cared for by professionals. But as you can imagine the day the interventionists came to get him was pure hell for his mom and me. One of the most emotionally draining days I have ever experienced. We hope to find him a good boarding school where he can continue his progress. It is obscenely expensive. But as one mom said to me, you can't put a price on a child's life.

 

[HaoZi]

I'm glad to hear there is progress, I hope it continues to get better. Please keep us updated, and come whenever you need to not feel alone in this.

 

[mrsammler]

I'm also glad to hear of his progress. My advice, as I've seen a difficult child nephew be sent (via wee-hours intervention, and all the drama you describe) to a therapeutic boarding school, seem to improve, and then come home to the same peer group and descend almost immediately back into the abyss, where he still resides (albeit very comfortably at enabling Mom's expense) almost 3 years later, is to send him to some sort of boarding school rather than letting him return to his home town. It's the only way to keep him away from his rotten peers and thus have a chance at lasting & meaningful redemption. I'm fairly conversant with the private school scene in Dallas and Houston, and know some friends on faculty at those schools who can advise me/you as well, so feel free to email me off-forum.

My difficult child nephew said it best, in describing to me his experience at the therapeutic boarding school out west: "I eventually learned to fake being good long enough to be sent home, and the exercise and confidence-building stuff was fun and felt good, but the whole time I couldn't wait to party with my friends again." Your only real shot is to prevent him from ever reconnecting with his druggy/loser friends back home. Good luck.