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General Parenting
Newbie...frustrated, confused, and feel helpless
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 645744" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>As a teen, and I had many problems as a teen and my parents did not want to help me at all (Kudos to you)...but I digress. If my parents had allowed me to get help, I would not have felt comfortable sharing if my words would have been shared with even nice parents. There were many things, including my feelings about them, that I would not have wanted them to know. Also there were deep secrets within me that I would not have told my therapist if I knew my parents had access to it. In other words, I would never have cooperated...probably would have lied to make it sound good...to keep my parents guessing about my innermost thoughts that I just did not want to share with them. </p><p></p><p>It is unlikely that your daughter will turn around because of you. Your daughter is still a minor, but she is nearly a legal adult and getting better is 100% on her. She either will want to change her behavior and continue to get help or she will not. Now if she were eleven years old I'd think your actions may greatly impact her healing...but not at her age. My one troubled, drug using daughter did not listen to us at sixteen no matter what we said/did. She went to counseling, and we did not demand to be a part of it although we certainly wished we knew what she'd said...lol...but she wasn't ready for help anyway and it was several more years before she herself got her act together. It was 100% her own idea to straighten out. It will always be their decision, not ours once they hit their middle/late teen years. And if she thinks she has a certain disorder, she can think so and you can't talk her out of it...she would have to determine that.</p><p></p><p>I've been in therapy since age 23-now and will probably never be able to stop as it is the best stabilizer and check up for me. I have no idea if your daughter will be like me, but unless it is drug use only and they quit, it is unlikely to be a fix that will be resolved by the time she is eighteen. And by then, you can change your reactions to her...including even throwing her out of the hosue, if you wish....but you can not force her to do anything she does not want to do or is not going to do even if you do throw her out. There are many stories on Parent Emeritus about our grown kids. </p><p></p><p>Your child is not yet grown, but she does have the right to have private therapy. And if she does not want to listen to you in spite of the consequences, she won't. Did you call the cops on the 29 year old man who was hiaving sex with your daughter? That is one thing I would have done no matter what. I don't know if anything would have happened to him for that, if your daughter denied sexual contact, however I would know he'd be gone after that! </p><p></p><p>We were pretty strict and it still didn't stop our daughter from doing what she wanted to do when she wanted to do it until she decided she hated her life enough to change it.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and I'm so sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 645744, member: 1550"] As a teen, and I had many problems as a teen and my parents did not want to help me at all (Kudos to you)...but I digress. If my parents had allowed me to get help, I would not have felt comfortable sharing if my words would have been shared with even nice parents. There were many things, including my feelings about them, that I would not have wanted them to know. Also there were deep secrets within me that I would not have told my therapist if I knew my parents had access to it. In other words, I would never have cooperated...probably would have lied to make it sound good...to keep my parents guessing about my innermost thoughts that I just did not want to share with them. It is unlikely that your daughter will turn around because of you. Your daughter is still a minor, but she is nearly a legal adult and getting better is 100% on her. She either will want to change her behavior and continue to get help or she will not. Now if she were eleven years old I'd think your actions may greatly impact her healing...but not at her age. My one troubled, drug using daughter did not listen to us at sixteen no matter what we said/did. She went to counseling, and we did not demand to be a part of it although we certainly wished we knew what she'd said...lol...but she wasn't ready for help anyway and it was several more years before she herself got her act together. It was 100% her own idea to straighten out. It will always be their decision, not ours once they hit their middle/late teen years. And if she thinks she has a certain disorder, she can think so and you can't talk her out of it...she would have to determine that. I've been in therapy since age 23-now and will probably never be able to stop as it is the best stabilizer and check up for me. I have no idea if your daughter will be like me, but unless it is drug use only and they quit, it is unlikely to be a fix that will be resolved by the time she is eighteen. And by then, you can change your reactions to her...including even throwing her out of the hosue, if you wish....but you can not force her to do anything she does not want to do or is not going to do even if you do throw her out. There are many stories on Parent Emeritus about our grown kids. Your child is not yet grown, but she does have the right to have private therapy. And if she does not want to listen to you in spite of the consequences, she won't. Did you call the cops on the 29 year old man who was hiaving sex with your daughter? That is one thing I would have done no matter what. I don't know if anything would have happened to him for that, if your daughter denied sexual contact, however I would know he'd be gone after that! We were pretty strict and it still didn't stop our daughter from doing what she wanted to do when she wanted to do it until she decided she hated her life enough to change it. Hugs and I'm so sorry. [/QUOTE]
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