Newbie, having issues with 5 yr old daughter

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by 4gr8kidz, Feb 4, 2011.

  1. 4gr8kidz

    4gr8kidz New Member

    Hi, I just found this site tonite. I have a 5 yr old daughter, who was tested for Celiac at 19m and as a result of the endoscopy/biopsy, was PTSD and non-verbal for 2 years. She's been through 2 1/2 yrs of special Pre-K with 12:1:1 and a 1:1 aide, speech therapy and just started Kindergarten this Sept. She is basically on track academically, scored high on all her testing (fine motor was 6.5!). However, I had to leave my marriage of 18 yrs in Aug. due to domestic violence ( lost job 6 yrs ago, spiraled since, became verbally abusive/very neglecting over last year.) It was verbal/emotional to the children, but not physical, but I took the kids and left with what we could stuff in the car, as he refused to leave the house. Anyway, we've been settled in our new apt. since Sept. The first couple months of school have gone pretty well, kids are all doing amazing and so much more calm and doing better. I have sole custody, and x doesn't even call anymore.

    Long story, sorry but not sure what all is involved in her behavior. The last 2 months, my 5 yr old has been really throwing nasty tantrums whenever anyone says anything she doesn't like, or is told no. Screaming, kicking, throwing things etc. I am VERY consistent with the "naughty spot" and she will wail for 20 min about "I HAAATE TIME OUUUT" before I can even set the timer! She also had a little boy pick on her and for the last two weeks has been yelling REALLY mean things at him like "I hate you!" and when he goes home "Finally! I 'm glad u are leaving!". She has picked up a number of "new" words and phrases from starting school, which I know is normal (I also have a 10,9 & 7 yr olds) but sheesh, it's really bothering me how mean she is getting!! At home it is the worst. To her brother and sisters (meanie, stupid, poopyhead) and to me (youre mean, I no like you!) and the screaming .....ugh! Not just telling you but screaming at the top of her lungs! With my son having autism, I am very structured, we have house rules, chores, predictable reliable consequences, no spanking......but she is the first of my 4 kids to ever act this way, so I am really kind of at a loss as to what more I can do to help her stop this behavior. I read with all the kids individually as part of our bedtime, and am working on "how do you think that made fox feel?" type questions to encourage her to feel empathy, and try to stay calm and stern when dealing with her when she's screaming & throwing a fit, but I'm really feeling frustrated. None of the others were this stubborn, and never were screamers or threw bad tantrums like this. Any advice? All her teachers and care provider don't see this side of her much, other than the saying mean things the last few weeks to this little boy. Her academics are just fine. She had ear tubes a year ago, and ENT and hearing testing etc, so I know she can hear fine now, and I know she is making up for the terrible two type developmental stage from not going thru it when she was non verbal, but
  2. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi and welcome there are alot of great ppl here you will come to find and its' a great place to get advice or just someplace safe to vent.

    first congratulations to you it isnt' easy to leave an abusive marriage i did it ten years ago and it wasnt' easy at all, yet i too saw the results immediately as you stated with everyone doing so much better and so much calmer once that environment has been left behind.

    what i learned in my journey back than was that initially we all did real well, kids especially yet as time progressed i saw the affects of them living in the home with the abuse going on, it was like the "kid" delayed response i've come to see thru the years with-my kids. My difficult child (gift from god) we refer to our kids as here well was super young under 2 so she was for the most part not privy to alot of what went on, yet my oldest was she was 7 at the time i believe.

    so, as i said things just as your explaining began to happen. i learned after alot of therapy with my oldest when she was little that she was doing what she'd learned, that whole learned behavior thing also acting acting out in a way. happy that the stress in our home my ex h was gone, yet as i was sort of mourning the loss of the life that i thought i'd have she too was mourning that loss in a kid way.

    i'm not sure if that's what's going on with your little one. it's natural i think and totally normal response to it all and actually healthy. if she wasn't displaying something i'd say hmm what's up with that? LOL

    i'd say since youve been so proactive with the rest of her care and supports which is awesome maybe delving into family therapy if you aren't already or just some type of play or art therapy for her would be a good idea so that someone else a person that isnt' emeshed with her as a mom is and always is as i know all too well can explore some of what she's feeling with-her.

    anyway, just some thoughts because i walked a similar path. i dont' know if that's it only you know your child best. i wish you luck either way. welcome again to the group. it truly is a great place and has helped me thru alot and taught me alot

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    HI and welcome!!

    Before I even read that you had a son with autism, I was thinking autistic spectrum disorder when I read about your daughter. Many kids seem to develop normally than suddenly regress at around the same age that yours did. She is reacting to being told "no" and to new situations much like Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids do. Not saying that she also has a form of it, however it DOES fun in families and it would probably be a really good idea to have a neuropsychologist test her. Is she getting any interventions? Normal discipline usually does not work for our children. And is she is anywhere on the spectrum, dealing with change is EXTREMELY difficult for these kids...and the more extreme the change is, the worse it is. I'd get her tested.