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Newbie here - long, rambling post
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 642365" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome, mtdenise. Yes, we're on a tough road here with our kids. I'm sorry you had to go looking for us yet glad you found us and that you're here with us. We do get it.</p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post. Any books by Melodie Beattie, in particular Codependent no more are excellent, as are books by Pema Chodron, Brene Brown and Eckhart Tolle. I've found the more support we offer ourselves, the better and faster we begin to feel better.</p><p></p><p>As others have mentioned 12 step groups are extremely helpful. Al anon, Narc Anon, CoDa and Families Anonymous. Private therapy, parent groups, your minister or clergy, if you dig around a bit, you'll find resources just for YOU. This journey is fraught with many, many mine fields which blow up when we least expect it, so we need to develop tools to help us that we can rely on when the going gets tough. These are our children, no matter how old they are, our natural instincts to protect and nurture need to be altered to learning how to respond differently and very often, how to let to.</p><p></p><p>It takes us awhile to get out of our own denial about who our kids are. Of course that would be true, none of us expected our kids to steal from us, lie to us, manipulate us, throw what we've taught them out the window, it takes us time to let that truth in, it is a terrible truth we don't want to face. And, yet, as we learn to face it, with hopefully LOTS of support, we begin to get our lives back and learn to experience joy and peace. </p><p></p><p>Everything you've been through with your son has been experienced here by someone, the stories are eerily similar and familiar. Our kids go off the rails for whatever reason and we spend a lot of time in grief, despair, anger, disappointment, resentment, sorrow and disbelief. My advice to you is to seek out professional help, somewhere you can go to express your feelings and develop a plan and learn how to respond differently. I spent two solid years in a Codependency course lead by therapists in a group of parents who had kids just like mine. I saw a therapist weekly, attended 12 step groups, altered my diet, began a self nurturing regiment, made sure I exercised daily and started meditating. As I made the focus on myself, I began to heal, I began to grow, I began to let go of what I cannot control. I nourished my own life and I began to thrive rather than simply survive each encounter created by my daughter. </p><p></p><p>There is great help here. You are not alone. To whatever degree you want to participate, we are available. We are all here in the same boat. Welcome.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 642365, member: 13542"] Welcome, mtdenise. Yes, we're on a tough road here with our kids. I'm sorry you had to go looking for us yet glad you found us and that you're here with us. We do get it. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post. Any books by Melodie Beattie, in particular Codependent no more are excellent, as are books by Pema Chodron, Brene Brown and Eckhart Tolle. I've found the more support we offer ourselves, the better and faster we begin to feel better. As others have mentioned 12 step groups are extremely helpful. Al anon, Narc Anon, CoDa and Families Anonymous. Private therapy, parent groups, your minister or clergy, if you dig around a bit, you'll find resources just for YOU. This journey is fraught with many, many mine fields which blow up when we least expect it, so we need to develop tools to help us that we can rely on when the going gets tough. These are our children, no matter how old they are, our natural instincts to protect and nurture need to be altered to learning how to respond differently and very often, how to let to. It takes us awhile to get out of our own denial about who our kids are. Of course that would be true, none of us expected our kids to steal from us, lie to us, manipulate us, throw what we've taught them out the window, it takes us time to let that truth in, it is a terrible truth we don't want to face. And, yet, as we learn to face it, with hopefully LOTS of support, we begin to get our lives back and learn to experience joy and peace. Everything you've been through with your son has been experienced here by someone, the stories are eerily similar and familiar. Our kids go off the rails for whatever reason and we spend a lot of time in grief, despair, anger, disappointment, resentment, sorrow and disbelief. My advice to you is to seek out professional help, somewhere you can go to express your feelings and develop a plan and learn how to respond differently. I spent two solid years in a Codependency course lead by therapists in a group of parents who had kids just like mine. I saw a therapist weekly, attended 12 step groups, altered my diet, began a self nurturing regiment, made sure I exercised daily and started meditating. As I made the focus on myself, I began to heal, I began to grow, I began to let go of what I cannot control. I nourished my own life and I began to thrive rather than simply survive each encounter created by my daughter. There is great help here. You are not alone. To whatever degree you want to participate, we are available. We are all here in the same boat. Welcome. [/QUOTE]
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