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Newbie here.Struggling with 19 yr old daughter stealing from us and completely destroying our family
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 667430" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hello Trolli,</p><p></p><p>I am a newbie to this forum as well, but certainly <em>not</em> new to a similar situation as yours. So sorry for your troubles that brought you here, for as mothers our wishes are that our children will grow up to be responsible, kind adults. </p><p></p><p>I have been struggling for years with two of my adult children and it is an extremely painful ordeal. They seem to know exactly how to pull at heart strings and push buttons-first a flicker of hope for change each time they come back into our lives and our home. This quickly erodes into a tug of war with feelings of guilt, remorse for my mistakes made as a mother, despair at the loss of peace and security in our home and on and on. Our family has been dealing with this for over 18 years now, first with our oldest daughter, then with our third girl. It has taken a long time to figure out what to do. We are still trying to figure it out. At the moment, we are recovering from the last bout of homecoming. </p><p></p><p>I have come to the conclusion at this point that there is NOTHING I can do to help these two young women, they are adults, they have to figure out what their life path is. When they are back under our roof, there is nothing that prevents them from continuing on in their destructive, addictive pattern.I cannot control them and they have made it crystal clear that they have NO respect for their father and I, or our home. They despise rules and boundaries, are secretive, lie, steal from us, break in, the list goes on.</p><p></p><p>My young son put it to me very clearly 'Mom, why should we have people living in our home and we have to lock things away, because they steal from us?"</p><p></p><p>I am rehearsing my response to the next plea to come home. "I love you, but you need to go to a shelter or a rehab where you can get the help you need."</p><p></p><p> I am not a substance abuse counselor, psychiatrist, domestic violence counselor.I do not have the necessary tools that my adult children need to break free of their destructive, addictive ways. When I help them, I am helping them to continue, as is. In a shelter or rehab, they will have to follow rules, they will have to listen, they will have to take steps to get well.</p><p></p><p>It will take strength to stray from years of patterned response. But I am determined not only for myself and my husband, but for my sons right to have peace in the home.</p><p></p><p>You and your husband have value and worth and a life to live. I hope you are able to focus on that, and work at peace in your home. </p><p></p><p>Hugs to you and your family and prayers for both of us for strength to bring about healthy changes for our households.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 667430, member: 19522"] Hello Trolli, I am a newbie to this forum as well, but certainly [I]not[/I] new to a similar situation as yours. So sorry for your troubles that brought you here, for as mothers our wishes are that our children will grow up to be responsible, kind adults. I have been struggling for years with two of my adult children and it is an extremely painful ordeal. They seem to know exactly how to pull at heart strings and push buttons-first a flicker of hope for change each time they come back into our lives and our home. This quickly erodes into a tug of war with feelings of guilt, remorse for my mistakes made as a mother, despair at the loss of peace and security in our home and on and on. Our family has been dealing with this for over 18 years now, first with our oldest daughter, then with our third girl. It has taken a long time to figure out what to do. We are still trying to figure it out. At the moment, we are recovering from the last bout of homecoming. I have come to the conclusion at this point that there is NOTHING I can do to help these two young women, they are adults, they have to figure out what their life path is. When they are back under our roof, there is nothing that prevents them from continuing on in their destructive, addictive pattern.I cannot control them and they have made it crystal clear that they have NO respect for their father and I, or our home. They despise rules and boundaries, are secretive, lie, steal from us, break in, the list goes on. My young son put it to me very clearly 'Mom, why should we have people living in our home and we have to lock things away, because they steal from us?" I am rehearsing my response to the next plea to come home. "I love you, but you need to go to a shelter or a rehab where you can get the help you need." I am not a substance abuse counselor, psychiatrist, domestic violence counselor.I do not have the necessary tools that my adult children need to break free of their destructive, addictive ways. When I help them, I am helping them to continue, as is. In a shelter or rehab, they will have to follow rules, they will have to listen, they will have to take steps to get well. It will take strength to stray from years of patterned response. But I am determined not only for myself and my husband, but for my sons right to have peace in the home. You and your husband have value and worth and a life to live. I hope you are able to focus on that, and work at peace in your home. Hugs to you and your family and prayers for both of us for strength to bring about healthy changes for our households. [/QUOTE]
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Newbie here.Struggling with 19 yr old daughter stealing from us and completely destroying our family
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