Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Newbie-seeking advice and help
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 630720" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I agree with COM. Your son is over 30 now. He is a man. He has little motivation for stopping his lifestyle if you pay for him, let him use your house, probably lend him money and feel sorry for him. You should feel sorry for YOU for putting up with all his stuff for all those years. I'd say ALL of our adult kids threaten suicide and are depressed. I've been on this board for over a decade and we haven't lost one adult child to the suicide threats they make. Some have made attempts, many just for attention or because the money was cut off and we can't have THAT. Daddy and Mommy still need to pay for them. </p><p></p><p>You can't help your son. In fact, in my opinion, by helping him like he is a little kid who can't do better, he is being told to just keep on what he is doing and you will make sure he has a bed, food, extra money (probably for booze and drugs) and no responsibility. The only person you can change is yourself and your reaction to your son. Do you not have other loved ones who need you? Our addicted and behaviorally disordered adult children tend to suck the air out of the room so that nobody gets attention but them. That's not fair to your other loved ones or yourself. Trust me, our adult kids learn quickly how to live on the streets, they hook up with other street kids, they know where to eat, they can get help. But it's on THEIR watch, not our watch. Some choose to get help. Some never do. But there is one universal truth...nobody can make anyone get better except that particular person. You've already given him chances and chances in rehabs and you have probably dug heavily into your retirement. I'm sure you are old enough now that you'd like to have a peaceful, fun time during those golden years. Do it!!!</p><p></p><p>If you have never gone to an Al-Anon meeting, please go. Or get a private therapist for YOU. Your son is reaching middle age. He has to learn to take care of himself sometime. After all, none of us are immortal. If he chooses not to stop drinking, then he is making a decision to be homeless, miserable, jobless, broke and desperate. It is HIS decision. He can quit because alcoholics quit drinking every day. It's not easy; it can be done. But you can't do it for him and you can't make him choose a good life.</p><p></p><p>My advice is to focus on your own life and your loved ones who are pleasant to be around and do not substance abuse. Gently let him go with love, but again in my opinion don't try to help him. You can't. The more comfortable he is, the less incentive he has to quit. </p><p></p><p>Mucho hugs for your hurting mommy heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 630720, member: 1550"] I agree with COM. Your son is over 30 now. He is a man. He has little motivation for stopping his lifestyle if you pay for him, let him use your house, probably lend him money and feel sorry for him. You should feel sorry for YOU for putting up with all his stuff for all those years. I'd say ALL of our adult kids threaten suicide and are depressed. I've been on this board for over a decade and we haven't lost one adult child to the suicide threats they make. Some have made attempts, many just for attention or because the money was cut off and we can't have THAT. Daddy and Mommy still need to pay for them. You can't help your son. In fact, in my opinion, by helping him like he is a little kid who can't do better, he is being told to just keep on what he is doing and you will make sure he has a bed, food, extra money (probably for booze and drugs) and no responsibility. The only person you can change is yourself and your reaction to your son. Do you not have other loved ones who need you? Our addicted and behaviorally disordered adult children tend to suck the air out of the room so that nobody gets attention but them. That's not fair to your other loved ones or yourself. Trust me, our adult kids learn quickly how to live on the streets, they hook up with other street kids, they know where to eat, they can get help. But it's on THEIR watch, not our watch. Some choose to get help. Some never do. But there is one universal truth...nobody can make anyone get better except that particular person. You've already given him chances and chances in rehabs and you have probably dug heavily into your retirement. I'm sure you are old enough now that you'd like to have a peaceful, fun time during those golden years. Do it!!! If you have never gone to an Al-Anon meeting, please go. Or get a private therapist for YOU. Your son is reaching middle age. He has to learn to take care of himself sometime. After all, none of us are immortal. If he chooses not to stop drinking, then he is making a decision to be homeless, miserable, jobless, broke and desperate. It is HIS decision. He can quit because alcoholics quit drinking every day. It's not easy; it can be done. But you can't do it for him and you can't make him choose a good life. My advice is to focus on your own life and your loved ones who are pleasant to be around and do not substance abuse. Gently let him go with love, but again in my opinion don't try to help him. You can't. The more comfortable he is, the less incentive he has to quit. Mucho hugs for your hurting mommy heart. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Newbie-seeking advice and help
Top