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Substance Abuse
Newbie...Son in jail again...not speaking to me
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 697415" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am so sorry you have to deal with this. It is likely that time in jail or prison might save his life. He won't be able to drink much and so will get at least to being a dry drunk. Then maybe his other issues will come to light and he can get help. After seeing what my mom went through with my brother with his drinking and felonies, my kids have all been told that I don't do bail, provide housing upon release, and probably won't do any jail visits and if I do any visits it will be one visit. Period. I also don't provide lawyers - don't do the crime if you cannot do the time. Just like while they live in my house they live by my rules. </p><p></p><p>I know some amount of guilt is largely unavoidable because well, we are moms and we just seem to feel it. But your son is 31 and if he cannot go home it is for a reason. So letting him come to your home when he ruined his own home? That is about the most unreasonable request I have heard of. I am sorry he gave you that hateful look, but really the person he hates is himself. He is just selfish and spoiled and doesn't want to face up to his mistakes and the consequences of them. Do not tell the judge that he can come to your home under any circumstances!</p><p></p><p>At 31 he should be self reliant and able to handle his own problems, esp those that need bail! The only way he will EVER get sober and stay sober is if he has to deal with the consequences of his behavior for long enough that he becomes well and truly miserable and can only see an end to his misery if he changes his life. The hard part to being the mom of an addict is letting them be miserable for that long, and not supporting them when they ask for help. Give him all the healthy support you are comfortable with, but don't give him any support for his unhealthy behaviors. </p><p></p><p>I will say it has to take an enormous amount of nerve to ask your parents to take you in after committing a string of serious felonies while you await trial. Esp when you have already turned their lives upside down in the past. But I guess for an addict it is 'all about ME", isn't it?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 697415, member: 1233"] I am so sorry you have to deal with this. It is likely that time in jail or prison might save his life. He won't be able to drink much and so will get at least to being a dry drunk. Then maybe his other issues will come to light and he can get help. After seeing what my mom went through with my brother with his drinking and felonies, my kids have all been told that I don't do bail, provide housing upon release, and probably won't do any jail visits and if I do any visits it will be one visit. Period. I also don't provide lawyers - don't do the crime if you cannot do the time. Just like while they live in my house they live by my rules. I know some amount of guilt is largely unavoidable because well, we are moms and we just seem to feel it. But your son is 31 and if he cannot go home it is for a reason. So letting him come to your home when he ruined his own home? That is about the most unreasonable request I have heard of. I am sorry he gave you that hateful look, but really the person he hates is himself. He is just selfish and spoiled and doesn't want to face up to his mistakes and the consequences of them. Do not tell the judge that he can come to your home under any circumstances! At 31 he should be self reliant and able to handle his own problems, esp those that need bail! The only way he will EVER get sober and stay sober is if he has to deal with the consequences of his behavior for long enough that he becomes well and truly miserable and can only see an end to his misery if he changes his life. The hard part to being the mom of an addict is letting them be miserable for that long, and not supporting them when they ask for help. Give him all the healthy support you are comfortable with, but don't give him any support for his unhealthy behaviors. I will say it has to take an enormous amount of nerve to ask your parents to take you in after committing a string of serious felonies while you await trial. Esp when you have already turned their lives upside down in the past. But I guess for an addict it is 'all about ME", isn't it? [/QUOTE]
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Newbie...Son in jail again...not speaking to me
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