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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 704994" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Youngeim, i think you think like most people do. There is no compromising with some spouses. Your wife is choosing this divisive and toxic person over everyone else else and does not in my opinion know how to let go. She refuses any help from professionals. Yes, we love our kids but there is a time to stop trying to parent a grown adult and to let him grow up or insist he leave.</p><p></p><p>You do not owe your wife your sanity. What about YOUR kids? Step son gave THC to your 11 year old? This is not okay. He is unsafe. You have your son to protect.</p><p></p><p>I agree with going to Al Anon. Your Step son AND wife maybe have substance abuse issues and you are still loving your wife and don't know what to do. Al Anon was a lifesaver in my home.</p><p></p><p>Everyone here has one thing only,,,a point of view. That's all. I disagree that you should stay there and lose your mind and help her enable this man who is old enough to be in college, to be married, to work full time and to fight for our country.</p><p></p><p>i feel you have been a Saint. I would have taken my kids and left probably long ago. But I don't feel you should have to leave yet either if you don't want to. That's where Al Anon can really help and support you.</p><p></p><p>I would never put my husband of 21 years, whom I love very much, through what your wife is putting you through. Does she love You? Your children? I don't feel she is giving anyone any consideration at all except disturbed son. That in my opinion is wrong. I know you love her, but does she love you back? Does she show you respect?</p><p></p><p>Many of us detached from adult children who have gone wrong. Sure, we hope they change. No, it doesn't always happen and certainly, if it does, it is because of them, not us. It is not helpful or healthy to caregive an adult child forever. Your relationship with a grown child is usually as a friend, ally and mentor...not a mommy. Your wife thinks she can fix him. She will find she can't.</p><p></p><p>And you can't fix wife or marriage. Get help, get help, get help! We are not professionals and our points of view come from our own situations.</p><p></p><p>Wishing you all the best. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 704994, member: 1550"] Youngeim, i think you think like most people do. There is no compromising with some spouses. Your wife is choosing this divisive and toxic person over everyone else else and does not in my opinion know how to let go. She refuses any help from professionals. Yes, we love our kids but there is a time to stop trying to parent a grown adult and to let him grow up or insist he leave. You do not owe your wife your sanity. What about YOUR kids? Step son gave THC to your 11 year old? This is not okay. He is unsafe. You have your son to protect. I agree with going to Al Anon. Your Step son AND wife maybe have substance abuse issues and you are still loving your wife and don't know what to do. Al Anon was a lifesaver in my home. Everyone here has one thing only,,,a point of view. That's all. I disagree that you should stay there and lose your mind and help her enable this man who is old enough to be in college, to be married, to work full time and to fight for our country. i feel you have been a Saint. I would have taken my kids and left probably long ago. But I don't feel you should have to leave yet either if you don't want to. That's where Al Anon can really help and support you. I would never put my husband of 21 years, whom I love very much, through what your wife is putting you through. Does she love You? Your children? I don't feel she is giving anyone any consideration at all except disturbed son. That in my opinion is wrong. I know you love her, but does she love you back? Does she show you respect? Many of us detached from adult children who have gone wrong. Sure, we hope they change. No, it doesn't always happen and certainly, if it does, it is because of them, not us. It is not helpful or healthy to caregive an adult child forever. Your relationship with a grown child is usually as a friend, ally and mentor...not a mommy. Your wife thinks she can fix him. She will find she can't. And you can't fix wife or marriage. Get help, get help, get help! We are not professionals and our points of view come from our own situations. Wishing you all the best. :) [/QUOTE]
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