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<blockquote data-quote="WannabeAgoodFather" data-source="post: 705223" data-attributes="member: 21165"><p>My wife's drinking problem is not something that someone drinks a lot here and there. Her father was a long time alcoholic that stopped drinking for 20+ years. Her mother still drinks heavily and she is 81. Among 6 siblings, 3 clearly have problem with drinking. Her siblings told me that my wife has had it for a long time. They told me about my wife before I met her. Her ex husband told her that she couldn't drink or he would divorce her and my wife apparently stayed sober for few years. That was the longest stretch as my wife's siblings told me. There were very many episodes with her drinking incidents. Some of them with me, some of them without me. For example, my wife drank too much on her father's 80th birthday at her brother's. I wasn't there as I had a very important meeting at work. Her brother later told me "She should not drink PERIOD"</p><p></p><p>She self admitted about her problem and we even went to see a therapist, checked out rehab centers but she did not decide to check in as they were not 5 star hotels. In April this year, there was an incident and she said she'd stop drinking to save her marriage. That was third or fourth time she said it. She then would stop for few days... In the beginning of our marriage, she hid bottles in the garage. If I scale it, it used to be 8 to 9 out of 10. Our next door neighbor were alcoholics too where their weekends begin with drinking in early mornings. When I was working in NY and coming down to FL for weekends, my wife missed to pick me up at the airport twice as she was at the neighbors (I told her not to go) in the Friday afternoon and passed out when I grabbed taxi and walked in the house.</p><p></p><p>Last night when I came home, I saw a glass of red wine. She prefers white and usually keeps one in the refrigerator. I did not suspect anything, had a glass of red with dinner myself, too. Around 10, she passed out watching TV. I then knew she had a lot more than usual before I came home... Probably another argument with her son that made her drink. I do not know what happened before I came back but I could only guess... There are various symptoms I have learned to discover when she has had a bit too many. If we are out, I usually bring her home, put her in bed and sigh.... She has passed out in bar few times fell asleep. It doesn't happen often but probably once a year or so.</p><p></p><p>It must be very difficult to control your alcohol consumption when you have an issue with it. My wife seem to know it well and tries to control it a lot harder than before. I have to give her credit for that. The level is around 4 to 5 instead 8 to 9 few years ago. We used to get into arguments when she drank too much but it stopped when I do not respond to her argument. She probably doesn't remember anyway.</p><p></p><p>As she says all the time, she is who she is and her son is who he is. It breaks my heart but I know I cannot force her to stop completely. I tried to have an intervention earlier this year but failed miserably, lost 2 friendship with her sisters that drink a lot. My wife found out what I was about to do, told her sisters a completely different lie so that they literally attacked me. I do not want to get involved with those sponsor my wife's drinking so I stopped communicating with them and I will not reconcile with them. They are doing harm to their own sister where I asked for help.</p><p></p><p>Therefore, my various attempts have failed. My excuse is... it is not as bad as it used to be and I learned to hang with it. I even cleared out all alcohol in the house few times. I stopped drinking completely with her to support her. However, it did not last long.</p><p></p><p>I like having a glass of wine here and there but don't have to finish the whole bottle as it gets opened. When we go out for a dinner, I have few glasses, come back home, then I go to bed where 50:50 she continues to drink and I end up finding an empty bottle in the morning. I usually do not drink during the weekdays where I drink some on Fridays and Saturdays. For my wife, it is an everyday thing. If I had too much on Friday night, then I do not want to drink the next day but it doesn't seem to bother her at all. You could force me to drink but my body says NO after a night with too much than I should have.</p><p></p><p>Well... it seems like there are lots of things going on in my house, which is true. And my own father recently being diagnosed with a stage 4 Lymphoma... It just doesn't end... I feel like God is giving me a big test for the last few years...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WannabeAgoodFather, post: 705223, member: 21165"] My wife's drinking problem is not something that someone drinks a lot here and there. Her father was a long time alcoholic that stopped drinking for 20+ years. Her mother still drinks heavily and she is 81. Among 6 siblings, 3 clearly have problem with drinking. Her siblings told me that my wife has had it for a long time. They told me about my wife before I met her. Her ex husband told her that she couldn't drink or he would divorce her and my wife apparently stayed sober for few years. That was the longest stretch as my wife's siblings told me. There were very many episodes with her drinking incidents. Some of them with me, some of them without me. For example, my wife drank too much on her father's 80th birthday at her brother's. I wasn't there as I had a very important meeting at work. Her brother later told me "She should not drink PERIOD" She self admitted about her problem and we even went to see a therapist, checked out rehab centers but she did not decide to check in as they were not 5 star hotels. In April this year, there was an incident and she said she'd stop drinking to save her marriage. That was third or fourth time she said it. She then would stop for few days... In the beginning of our marriage, she hid bottles in the garage. If I scale it, it used to be 8 to 9 out of 10. Our next door neighbor were alcoholics too where their weekends begin with drinking in early mornings. When I was working in NY and coming down to FL for weekends, my wife missed to pick me up at the airport twice as she was at the neighbors (I told her not to go) in the Friday afternoon and passed out when I grabbed taxi and walked in the house. Last night when I came home, I saw a glass of red wine. She prefers white and usually keeps one in the refrigerator. I did not suspect anything, had a glass of red with dinner myself, too. Around 10, she passed out watching TV. I then knew she had a lot more than usual before I came home... Probably another argument with her son that made her drink. I do not know what happened before I came back but I could only guess... There are various symptoms I have learned to discover when she has had a bit too many. If we are out, I usually bring her home, put her in bed and sigh.... She has passed out in bar few times fell asleep. It doesn't happen often but probably once a year or so. It must be very difficult to control your alcohol consumption when you have an issue with it. My wife seem to know it well and tries to control it a lot harder than before. I have to give her credit for that. The level is around 4 to 5 instead 8 to 9 few years ago. We used to get into arguments when she drank too much but it stopped when I do not respond to her argument. She probably doesn't remember anyway. As she says all the time, she is who she is and her son is who he is. It breaks my heart but I know I cannot force her to stop completely. I tried to have an intervention earlier this year but failed miserably, lost 2 friendship with her sisters that drink a lot. My wife found out what I was about to do, told her sisters a completely different lie so that they literally attacked me. I do not want to get involved with those sponsor my wife's drinking so I stopped communicating with them and I will not reconcile with them. They are doing harm to their own sister where I asked for help. Therefore, my various attempts have failed. My excuse is... it is not as bad as it used to be and I learned to hang with it. I even cleared out all alcohol in the house few times. I stopped drinking completely with her to support her. However, it did not last long. I like having a glass of wine here and there but don't have to finish the whole bottle as it gets opened. When we go out for a dinner, I have few glasses, come back home, then I go to bed where 50:50 she continues to drink and I end up finding an empty bottle in the morning. I usually do not drink during the weekdays where I drink some on Fridays and Saturdays. For my wife, it is an everyday thing. If I had too much on Friday night, then I do not want to drink the next day but it doesn't seem to bother her at all. You could force me to drink but my body says NO after a night with too much than I should have. Well... it seems like there are lots of things going on in my house, which is true. And my own father recently being diagnosed with a stage 4 Lymphoma... It just doesn't end... I feel like God is giving me a big test for the last few years... [/QUOTE]
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