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Newlywed son and his wife having problems, want me to help
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<blockquote data-quote="GoingNorth" data-source="post: 687306" data-attributes="member: 1963"><p>I pretty much agree with the others, OP. Stay out of this. I know they're young. I know you desperately want to help them, especially as it sounds like they're too young to have married.</p><p></p><p>I moved in with my fiance/husband when I was 18. He was 20. We were very immature as well. It was a rough couple of years until my Hubs went into the military and I settled into an IT career.</p><p></p><p>I did call my mother with questions. She commiserated with me, but beyond telling me that the more I felt like yelling, the more I should keep my mouth shut and listen, which I consider to be excellent advice, all her advice boiled down to talking things out and compromising. Years and years of my husband going to the field, peacekeeping and combat missions where I didn't know when, or IF he was coming home taught me that a lot of the stuff we were fighting about was, in actuality, complete B.S. That said, by the time we married in 81, we were pretty much grown ups, both had jobs, such as they were. Stu was driving a cab and I was running a hospital computer room on night shift.</p><p></p><p>We survived not because our parents constantly helped us out, but because when things were desperate, a bag of groceries or a gift certificate to a local grocery chain would appear. A tank of gas would happen. Little things.</p><p></p><p>Big thing? We were left to work things out on our own. And we DID! I cringe at HOW we worked some things out (all legal), but we always had a roof ovr our heads, food, and care for critters.</p><p></p><p>I advise trying something like what my parents did. There;s nothing wrong with filling a gas tank here and there, or buying food. How you go about doing this depends on several factors, one of the most important being if there is any substance (including alcohol) use going on. If that is the case, anything you pick up for them, is more$$$ they can spend on drugs or booze.</p><p></p><p>In that case, you have to physically go buy the food and bring it to them, or physically take them out shopping, assuming he won't be a jerk about it.</p><p></p><p>Sorry to write you a novel. Hang in there and keep us posted on how you are doing. Also, a LOT of first marriages in early years don't make it; and frankly, your son is acting like an a-hole. She might do better to leave him, stay at home for a year or so,if she can, save up some money by working, and start all over.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="GoingNorth, post: 687306, member: 1963"] I pretty much agree with the others, OP. Stay out of this. I know they're young. I know you desperately want to help them, especially as it sounds like they're too young to have married. I moved in with my fiance/husband when I was 18. He was 20. We were very immature as well. It was a rough couple of years until my Hubs went into the military and I settled into an IT career. I did call my mother with questions. She commiserated with me, but beyond telling me that the more I felt like yelling, the more I should keep my mouth shut and listen, which I consider to be excellent advice, all her advice boiled down to talking things out and compromising. Years and years of my husband going to the field, peacekeeping and combat missions where I didn't know when, or IF he was coming home taught me that a lot of the stuff we were fighting about was, in actuality, complete B.S. That said, by the time we married in 81, we were pretty much grown ups, both had jobs, such as they were. Stu was driving a cab and I was running a hospital computer room on night shift. We survived not because our parents constantly helped us out, but because when things were desperate, a bag of groceries or a gift certificate to a local grocery chain would appear. A tank of gas would happen. Little things. Big thing? We were left to work things out on our own. And we DID! I cringe at HOW we worked some things out (all legal), but we always had a roof ovr our heads, food, and care for critters. I advise trying something like what my parents did. There;s nothing wrong with filling a gas tank here and there, or buying food. How you go about doing this depends on several factors, one of the most important being if there is any substance (including alcohol) use going on. If that is the case, anything you pick up for them, is more$$$ they can spend on drugs or booze. In that case, you have to physically go buy the food and bring it to them, or physically take them out shopping, assuming he won't be a jerk about it. Sorry to write you a novel. Hang in there and keep us posted on how you are doing. Also, a LOT of first marriages in early years don't make it; and frankly, your son is acting like an a-hole. She might do better to leave him, stay at home for a year or so,if she can, save up some money by working, and start all over. [/QUOTE]
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