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Newlywed son and his wife having problems, want me to help
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<blockquote data-quote="Origami" data-source="post: 687386" data-attributes="member: 18099"><p>Thanks everyone for your advice. It's so helpful to have you all confirm what I was thinking and point me back the right direction. After all my angst yesterday, I had agreed to talk to them together instead of all the secretive back and forth texts and calls. Then when I got home from work, they didn't say a word about it and acted like nothing had happened! I had already decided that if they wanted to figure things out, I'd offer some general advice but not get drawn into anything deep. They left the house once to go to the store and said Bye on their way out.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Apple, I think it will probably end up with her being back at her dad's house. She's told me more than once, "I don't deserve to be treated like this," and I think she's been setting some boundaries in her mind of what she'll put up with, and I'll encourage her to do this.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You are so right about him "being himself," which in this case isn't a good thing. I had high hopes that him getting married would propel him to being more mature and fast-track his job search, but that hasn't happened.</p><p></p><p></p><p>ksm-- yes, thank goodness</p><p></p><p></p><p>She seems resourceful, as she supported herself while finishing up high school and living with a cousin. When she said she was going to tell him she was gone in a month if he didn't get a job, she said she would either move back with her dad or get her own apartment.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You're right, Tanya, the scenario was quite different. My husband had a good job at a factory, we had an apartment rented, and we owned a car. These kids have put the cart before the horse. I feel like my son misled her in a way because he kept saying he was about to join the Army, but he hasn't been back to the recruiter in quite a while. B told me that she doesn't even think he'll ever join. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you. I'll try to keep it on the level of setting boundaries and expectations of how things will happen in my house, and not try to solve their problems for them.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Again, thanks for the clarity. I feel like I know what I should do now.</p><p></p><p>Son's latest self-made crisis is that his wife can't get off work to take him to traffic school next week and he doesn't have a ride. It's about a two-hour drive from here. His license is suspended so he can't drive our vehicle. There's a bus that goes out there but it takes about two hours, which he won't do. B said her dad might be able to take son to the school, so hopefully that works out. You'd think he'd at least want to be nice to some people so he could get rides to traffic school and court, but he can't even manage that for very long. I technically could take the day off work, but I told him I'm not going to.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Origami, post: 687386, member: 18099"] Thanks everyone for your advice. It's so helpful to have you all confirm what I was thinking and point me back the right direction. After all my angst yesterday, I had agreed to talk to them together instead of all the secretive back and forth texts and calls. Then when I got home from work, they didn't say a word about it and acted like nothing had happened! I had already decided that if they wanted to figure things out, I'd offer some general advice but not get drawn into anything deep. They left the house once to go to the store and said Bye on their way out. Apple, I think it will probably end up with her being back at her dad's house. She's told me more than once, "I don't deserve to be treated like this," and I think she's been setting some boundaries in her mind of what she'll put up with, and I'll encourage her to do this. You are so right about him "being himself," which in this case isn't a good thing. I had high hopes that him getting married would propel him to being more mature and fast-track his job search, but that hasn't happened. ksm-- yes, thank goodness She seems resourceful, as she supported herself while finishing up high school and living with a cousin. When she said she was going to tell him she was gone in a month if he didn't get a job, she said she would either move back with her dad or get her own apartment. You're right, Tanya, the scenario was quite different. My husband had a good job at a factory, we had an apartment rented, and we owned a car. These kids have put the cart before the horse. I feel like my son misled her in a way because he kept saying he was about to join the Army, but he hasn't been back to the recruiter in quite a while. B told me that she doesn't even think he'll ever join. Thank you. I'll try to keep it on the level of setting boundaries and expectations of how things will happen in my house, and not try to solve their problems for them. Again, thanks for the clarity. I feel like I know what I should do now. Son's latest self-made crisis is that his wife can't get off work to take him to traffic school next week and he doesn't have a ride. It's about a two-hour drive from here. His license is suspended so he can't drive our vehicle. There's a bus that goes out there but it takes about two hours, which he won't do. B said her dad might be able to take son to the school, so hopefully that works out. You'd think he'd at least want to be nice to some people so he could get rides to traffic school and court, but he can't even manage that for very long. I technically could take the day off work, but I told him I'm not going to. [/QUOTE]
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