News from here

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by CrazyinVA, Mar 27, 2012.

  1. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, Youngest is getting married. She's known the guy since last summer, and has been living with him since October. I like him, he seems like a decent guy .. although honestly after the abusive father of her first child, and the pedophile father of her second, there's nowhere to go but up. But seriously, he loves her and the kids and I'm sure he'll be good to all of them. He's in the army, and has orders to deploy overseas in June. It's an unaccompanied tour to a remote country (although not the middle east) and he'll be away for a year. I worry about how she'll handle that, she absolutely hates being alone and that kind of separation is tough on any relationship, let alone a new one. But, my detachment skills are pretty good these days and I'm just not going to worry about it. It's their issue, not mine. The good thing is, since living with him she's developed a good network of friends on the base, and I know the military has a good support system for families while soldiers are away.

    None of this is any surprise, and I'm kind of taking it in stride. I knew she'd simply move on to the next caretaker, she can't be without one for long (my therapist has suggested "dependent personality disorder.") At least she found a nice guy this time. The wedding will be a JOP thing, the second week in April. She says they'll have something big when he returns. Part of me is sad at the "loss" of another "normal" milestone .. no wedding to plan. I'm happy for her, but not in the way I'd like to be, if that makes any sense at all. But, it could be worse. It has been, so much worse. That's become my way of looking at things with my difficult children I guess: "it could be worse." Kinda sad, but that's my reality.

    Oh and in true difficult child form, she's annoyed that I have plans to go out of town the weekend after her planned wedding date, and can't babysit the grandkids. I've had the trip planned for weeks, and can't change it. I told her if she could wait another week, I'd be happy to babysit.. but she doesn't want to change it. She still thinks I should drop everything to babysit when she wants me to, I think.. but at least she doesn't accuse me of being a bad grandmother any more when I won't/can't. She just gets an attitude, which I ignore :)

    Oldest is doing fairly well these days, switched jobs again (her regular 6 month cycle), but seems financially stable. Plenty of drinking when she's not working, but no outward signs of pain pill abuse. She seems to be in a good roommate situation for once, her roommate's family is even taking her with them to Aruba in May. Her health is up and down, but hasn't affected work too badly so far. My detachment skills are pretty strong there, too.

    Life goes on ...
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Good for you for staying so strong and I can't wait to hear how your trip goes. sounds like your kids are doing ok overall....that is always nice to hear. gives me hope! Thanks for the update.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow sounds like a pretty positive update. What base is she going to be moving to? Im assuming she must have met him pretty close to you so I guess I know where he is. Are they moving from there? Well actually there are two not too far from you. This really might be good for her. The groups of wives in the army are pretty good. Have you ever watched Army Wives on Lifetime? Its a pretty good show.
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2013
  4. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sent you a PM, Janet. I haven't seen Army Wives, but I know she watches it. I'm hoping the experience is a growing one for her. Time will tell.
  5. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Hoping things go well for her with the wedding and him being out of the country.
  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Overall it sounds like things are going well. Here's hoping that this relationship is strong enough to last through the challenges. Glad you remain detached and continue to set good boundries. -RM
  7. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    I'm hoping I can get to the level of detachment you are at!!!

    I live close to an army base and they have a strong support system. Things have changed so much for military spouses.
    They now get free tuiton and 16 hours of free daycare a month. I don't know if that is total or for each child.

    I agree things sound good, hoping they stay that way lol!!!
  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well at least she will not be moving back in with you! Wahoo! I hear you on the 'normal' milestones, but i think we gave up on those long ago, huh? Enjoy your vacation! She can watch her own kids! Lol!
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Really tired on the tuition and daycare? That is good to know! Im sure that is per child. And those kids will get army benefits when he marries her. Trust me, I know. So they will now have good access to medical care.
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2013
  10. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Can they get miliary medical care even though they aren't his kids? I didn't think they could. Both kids have Medicaid, and I assumed they'd keep that. Actually here the Medicaid benefits are excellent, there are never any issues accessing care for the kids. Except that she won't always take them to the doctor (don't even get me started on that).

    My ex (kids dad) was in the Air Force so I'm familiar with most military benefits, but it was over 20 years ago. I know that the quality of care depended on the base. When we were in Vegas, the base hospital was horrendous, and I took my kids off base and paid out of pocket for part of their care. We had Champus then, and they were heck to deal with.
  11. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Yes, the kids can be covered by Tricare as soon as they are married. He needs to be sure and list them on his DEERS once they are married.
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yes like JJJ says they can and he will get extra money for them. His family allotment will increase. Her husband is up there in rank and gets a quite nice salary and a good allotment for the kids. They get a military ID and all of them can go to any place on base. They will go the military school on base if they have one. Normally they are quite good.
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2013