Next shot at letter to PO...(LONG)

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Sep 14, 2009.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Ok, after starting with a 6 page vent and spending much time thinking about how to approach this and somewhat deciding it's similar to the way the sd used to deal with things before I became a warrior mom, I am down to a more subtle 2 page letter to the PO. This is still a draft but I thought it would be a good time to get comments if anyone would be kind enough! Please remember, if I wait until difficult child is released from Department of Juvenile Justice and I can't make things work, the ONLY option at that point is DSS which means my bro. (Of course if difficult child messes up, he'll go back into incarceration.) By addressing this now, it is up to Department of Juvenile Justice to find difficult child placement- ie, group home TFC, etc. And there is still a glimmer of hope that the PO will negotiate some of these requirements so that difficult child can come home and do the most important things but forget the other things. I'm trying hard to take my bad attitutde out but still convey how riduculous some of this looks to me. LOL! (CSU means court services unit- this would be parole and probation officers, mst, etc, but not the court itself.)

  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    OK...I think you have many valid points. One thing that you may want to take out is the part about house arrest because he can be left unsupervised on house arrest because he is 15 years old and house arrest is house arrest and he certainly is old enough to know what that means. He most probably will have an ankle monitor anyway. You wont be doing the supervising, the ankle monitor will. At 15, he is old enough to stay home alone.

    I think I would ask that they table the job thing until summer vacation anyway. At that point he can attempt to locate a job within walking or biking distance, or maybe on the bus route. Good experience for him. I think he will be 16 by then too.

    Plead with them for the mentor. Tell them that you think that is something that has never been tried that you believe has the good possibility of a positive outcome for a teen boy with no positive male role model. Build on that in a big way if you can because it could be your biggest asset.
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    My first impression is that your letter is very wordy....and I admit that my eyes began to glaze as I read it.

    I think you need to shorten your sentences, use simpler words and even bullet-point your main arguments. I can't imagine too many people giving your argument a thorough read, and so you need to ensure that your point is clear--even in a brief perusal of this letter.

    Just my two cents...

  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Yeah, I know. It's something I struggle with when I've started with writing things out just to vent. That's why it has taken me a month to get this from 6 pages to two. LOL! I'll keep working on it.

    difficult child will be 15 then (he's 14 now) and we aren't even near a bus route. The retail and business area closest to us (within 5 miles) is on a road that's way too busy for riding a bike on and we have no sidewalk. difficult child wants to be a vet and that means lots of college. I want to can the job requirement because it is meant for the older teens to make sure they are employable when they get out of high school. Under our situation when difficult child isn't even old enough to drive, I think it's pointless as long as he's doing something constructive when school isn't in session. difficult child and I have even discussed him going to summer school to get ahead academicaly and take driver's ed. I could use my lunch hour to transport him back home or to someplace else (even a job or volunteeer work at an animal place) and pick him up after work.

    Anyway, the main point was that it is preferable for many reasons to discuss options that meet the PO's objective instead of just ordering typical things and giving me the attitutde that it's my problem to figure out how to do it, like the probation officer did. I wouldn't care so much if difficult child was able to accommodate the requirements without my involvement but at his age he can't. I do think though, that difficult child has a better chance of succeeding if the requirements support the few constructive goals/ambitions he has.

    Agreed and already done the first time PO brought it up. LOL! If he'd get one trained for therapuetic mentoring it would be great (and can the therapist), however, I think he's getting one who is more of an extension of the PO because of course, that's what Department of Juvenile Justice funding covers. This is my issue with the system- they want to "take over" all aspects of the kid's life but then don't address all the needs. The PO gave me the name of the company contracted by them and I looked it up. The mentor does show up and visit difficult child and occasionally might take him somewhere, but it specifically describes him as someone trained to assists PO's in monitoring the kid and stuff like that. Not that this can't be useful, too, but a therapuetic mentor could do a lot more good and still report to the PO if difficult child was where he should be, compliant, etc.

    Thanks for the comments! Any others?
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2009
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What if his "job" per se in the summer was something that would be good for him, help him, keep him busy, and actually keep him occupied. I am thinking some sort of camp counselor type situation. Most rec depts or church camps or even other type camps need jr counselors to help the older counselors with the kids. I would ask the PO if it would be ok if this was his Job...then get on the internet and apply, apply apply for difficult child to get a job at some sleepaway camp as a counselor. Find somewhere that needs a kid to work with other kids.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    That's what I'm hoping for. I don't care if it's at the Y, volunteer work at SPCA, or anything else as long as it's managable with our sschedules- primarily my work schedule. But, really, these people in CSU have not been reasonable about stuff like this. They want to hand out an order and tell me to have difficult child there. Period. And if I say I can't, I have repeatedly been told that it's my problem and I'll be taken to court for non compliance otherwise. I swear, it's been me that's treated like the delinquent and what will this lead to if I bring difficult child home under those circumstances again? That;'s exactly why I want this worked out now but I know I have to handle it delicately.

    I am willing to negotiate these things out- I just am not seeing signs yet that PO is. I know GAL does not do anything but back up what others in the system say and she never even checks anything out to see if it's true or resonable or anything else.

    The PO last year told me she wanted difficult child supervised 24/7 and she, nor her super, cared if it cost me my job or not, which it did. Then I tried to get assistance from DSS, difficult child went nutty when I told him, I got trashed in court and difficult child was sent to Department of Juvenile Justice. Ok, that's rehashing. LOL! They just seem to be more interested in being on a power trip than in really rehabilitating the kid, to me. I've heard others say stuff like that about this county Department of Juvenile Justice so I might just be moving and hoping for the best.